It's a Date!

I have a date for surgery!  May 23.  I have a surgery date on May 23.  I am ready for it to happen, and I'm glad to have a date.  I'm freaking out a bit, but not for any particular reason.  There have been many studies about PTSD after cancer.  I don't claim that label, but I sure know where they are coming from.  90% of the time, I am fine.  10% of the time, I'm a basket case.

Anyway, I have surgery in Shawnee Mission, Kansas on May 23, and will be back to work the following week.  Let's go.  I'm tired of waiting.  I keep chanting "May 23" because I'm happy to have a date.  Between now and then, I have many appointments.  There is one day in March that I have so many appointments that I had to take a vacation day!

Until May 23, I will just keep on keepin' on.  Wake up, walk the treadmill, shower, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed...rinse, repeat.  Just a few more months.

May 23.

Weekly Update

I suppose that is a fitting title, since it's been a week since I last posted.  It seems weird to say, but life is pretty much going on as normal.  I never thought I'd be so happy for a normal, boring, routine life.  I made it through a five-day week after 2 three-day weeks.  It seemed long, but we made it.

I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon on Wednesday morning.  It's the 2-month post radiation visit. He'll evaluate how hard it was on me.  I have some questions for him, too.  I think I'm going to have to see a physical therapist for my left arm, but I want his opinion before deciding.  I'm also hoping that he'll schedule surgery.  It'll be 4 months down the road, but I want a date to look forward to.

We're having our roof replaced, and they got partly done before a cold front and snow came through.  There is a tarp on my roof.  Anyone who has ever seen my crazy neighbor's house knows how I feel about that.  They're to be back to work tomorrow, though.  It should be done this week.  Here's hoping.

I caught some cold bug that was sticking around too long, and my oncologist thought I should see our family doctor.  I did, and he prescribed a Z pack for me to prevent it from turning into anything ugly.  I have been told that I'll have to be super careful about illness from now on.  I was NOT raised to go to a doctor for a cold, so I felt silly being there, but our family doctor agreed that I should be there.  I'm almost over whatever it was, finally.  Just a bit of a tickle left in my throat.

It's 8:00, and my body has decided that I should turn in.  I'm trying to listen to my body when it comes to how much sleep I need.  I push it a bit later on most Tuesdays to watch Parenthood, but sometimes I can't make it.  Thank goodness for DVR.  I hope my sleep patterns get back to a pre-chemo state, but it doesn't seem like it's moving that direction.  I know other ladies (who went through this journey at the same time as me) who cannot sleep more than a few hours at a time, though.  I am smart enough to be thankful for the sleep I get, no matter when I get it.

Goodnight!

Tired. You?

I don't want to sound ungrateful, hateful, or snippy for even a minute of this post, so if it comes across that way, I apologize in advance.  Several people a day ask me how I'm feeling.  The answer is always, "Tired."  The bone pain is gone and I haven't taken a pain pill since Monday.  I just can't bounce back from the fatigue this time.

I'm considering lying.  I could plaster on a fake smile and say, "I'm great!"  Nobody is making me feel like I need to do this, but I'm sick to death of hearing myself say I'm tired.  Almost as sick of saying I'm tired as I am of BEING tired.   Almost.

I am asleep, or at least horizontal, most every moment that I'm not at work.  That's why I'm not on Facebook much.  That's why I'm not blogging much.  I don't hurt right now and I'm not having any major issues.  I'm just tired, and I'm tired of being tired, and I'm tired of bitching about being tired of being tired.

How are you?

Tired

Well, unfortunately, I seem to be following the same pattern as last time.  That still doesn't mean it will be as bad, but if today is an indicator, things haven't changed much.

I started out fine.  It was actually a good day.  I felt fine and accomplished a lot.  Around 12:30, I started fading.  I had to stay at work until 2:30 because my appointment for my shot was at 3 and the Dr.'s office is between work and home.  I made it, but I was dragging butt by the time I left.

I got my shot (a 5 minute appointment) and headed home.  I got here, changed into shorts (oh yeah, have I mentioned our air conditioner isn't working?  Yay!) and collapsed int.he recliner.  I haven't moved since.  I am 100% out of energy.  This is day 2, which is the day that I fell asleep at 4:30 last time.  I've made it until 5, so that's an improvement.  LOL

My nurse advised me to take pain pills from the get-go tomorrow.  I'll have to start with Advil, so I can drive to work without the aid of narcotics.  We'll see if that helps head things off.  For now, I think I'll just sit here and see if a kid will bring me something to eat.

I'm Still Here

I've gotten ribbed a bit for letting so much time pass between blog posts.  In the past, that was reason for a sigh of relief.  Now, it leaves distant friends and relatives wondering if I'm OK.  I'm OK.  I'm here.  I don't want to do multiple "downer" posts in a row, so I just left the blog dormant this week.

Honestly, I started feeling better on Wednesday.   I called it "narcotic-free Wednesday" because it was the first day in five that I hadn't needed pain pills.  The debilitating pain was gone by then, but I was still so flipping exhausted.  When Kevin got home at 4:30 on Wednesday, I was already asleep.  I slept until 3.  On Thursday and Friday, I fought the urge to lie down by avoiding the bedroom.  LOL

Today, I feel all right.  I woke early and paid bills.  If you can do THAT and not become depressed, you're doing all right.  Not only are we having record-high electric bills, cancer treatment doesn't come cheap.  We've met our max out of pocket, but there are still payments being made from arrangements before we hit that max.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to think this is going to start over at the first of the year is sort of depressing.  Let's not think about that.

I've missed enough work lately that my paycheck was the smallest it's been since I returned to work.  It was 2/3 the usual amount, actually.  Thanks to Kevin's pay increases (yes, plural!) over the last couple of weeks, we still had enough to pay all of our bills that are due.  That made me so happy.  When I sat down with the bills and my computer and checkbook, I figured I'd have to juggle.  Nope!

Back to me, I'm going to milk this weekend for all it's worth.  I have chemo again on Wednesday, and if it follows the same timing, the bone pain will settle in on Friday.  I'll enjoy not hurting until then, and try to stay awake until the sun goes down at night.

But no promises on that last part.  :)

Staying Another Day? Picture Time!

Since I'm here for another day, we'll explore my little corner of this fine establishment. (click on any image to make it larger.)  The first thing I noticed was that the ceiling tile right in the middle of the room was painted.  Not painted with an uplifting message like your OB/GYN office.  Nope.  Not like that at all:

What the heck, you ask?  I have no idea, but those not-drawn-to-scale animals have been keeping me company.

That first night I was here, Monica came with Kevin when he brought me the necessities for my unplanned stay.  She looked at the wall and said, "Is this a Catholic hospital?"  I told her that it was, and asked what made her ask.  She said, "Because of that cross, and that looks like an old clock from a church."

They are neither centered on the wall, nor are they hanging straight.  And bless Monica's heart, I still don't see what is "Catholic" about that clock.

Another thing to consider, if you wonder what amazing things abound in this room, is this:

I have, at my disposal, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, a VCR!  Don't go hatin'.  You can't all be me.

This is my view, which reveals another section of this enormous hospital:

There is nothing wrong with this.  The problem is that pterodactyls keep flying by the window, scaring the CRAP out of me.  OK, maybe they're pigeons, but they look HUGE out of the corner of my eye.  One actually hit the window earlier, and I nearly soiled the bed.  TMI?  Too late.  You can't un-read something.

Finally, the giant gift bag that was dropped off by a mystery delivery lady yesterday.  Kevin stopped by after work and added to the bounty.  Even after I indulged in a bit of sweet/salty last night (potato chips and chocolate could join forces to rule the world,) all of this is still left:

It has been quite handy to have these items at my disposal, since a few of my meal choices have been questionable at best.  Mmmm.  Junk food.

OK, here's to going home tomorrow.  Here's to higher white cell counts.  Here's to a decent night's sleep.  Here's to potato chips and chocolate!  Oops.  How'd that one get in there?

The First 24

The first 24 hours in the hospital has been interesting.  They are all very nice here.  I'm not used to being in the hospital, so it's weird, but fine.  The doctor offered me a sleeping pill last night, and I refused.  I've been sleeping fine lately.  Apparently that doesn't transfer to a hospital room.  LOL  She asked today if I regretted refusing it, and I admitted that I did.  I'll take one tonight.

The nighttime nurses are sweet and good at what they do.  I call them Nighttime Ninja Nurses.  The NNNs come in, work by only the light coming in from the hallway, and are back out within five minutes.  I barely knew what was going on before they were gone.

My bed has a problem that causes it to lock sometimes.  The buttons won't do ANYTHING.  The day nurse yesterday knew how to fix it, so she showed Kevin.  I didn't pay attention.  Guess how much good it did me?  This morning, a maintenance guy came in and asked about it.  He said that the beds are getting older and need new chips inside.  They've been ordered but aren't here yet.  Then, he took his fist and hit the control panel!  It fixed it right up.  I laughed and told him that I remember fixing our TV that way when I was a kid.  He said, "So do I.  That's what made me try it the first time."

I slept from 9:30ish until 11:30, 12ish until the NNNs came in at 2, and 2:30 until 3:45.  I called Kevin at 4 (he was already on his way to work, making up time that he missed yesterday, poor guy) and then I tried to go back to sleep.  I was finally successful around 5...and then my cell phone alarm went off at 5:30!  What an idiot!  I forgot that I have it set to go off each weekday at 5:30.  It has been turned off now, for sure!

I told a couple of friends, via Skype, that I wish I had some chips and chocolate.  This afternoon, the nurses aid came in carrying a bag with three small bags of chips and 4 kinds of chocolate in it!  It turns out that my friends do not know this delivery person, and neither do I.  It's a friend of a friend who happens to work here and hooked me up.  It's not who you know, it's who is known by whom you know.  Or something like that.

I've found that some of the food is quite good, and some is not great.  Most of it has been edible, though.  Except the tomato soup.  Ick.  Still, it's overall better than most people describe hospital food, so I'll not complain.  I can't imagine feeding this many people.  Plus, I'm a lot less picky than most.

At one point today, two doctors came in with two shadows.  Students, maybe?  Anyway, as the oncologist was telling me that my white cells had dropped again overnight (I know, I know.  *sigh*) and I'd be here at least through tomorrow, and possibly Friday, she said, "The good news is, you've been afebrile for 24 hours."  My hearing isn't great.  I hear things wrong a LOT.  What I *heard* is, "You've been senile for 24 hours."  Before I could process that enough to be offended, she added, "So as long as the fever doesn't come back..."  That's when I realized what she had said.  PHEW!

My final story is about how I'm introduced as shifts change.  Each nurse is telling the incoming nurse that I'm an ideal patient, or the best patient on the floor, etc, and that I never ring my call button.  That's true, I haven't needed to.  However, do you know what kind of pressure that puts on me?  Holy moly!  What if I need something?  I'll damage my reputation!  LOL   Yes.  I'll push the button if I need something, but I'm ambulatory, so there isn't much that I could need that I cannot get for myself.

Weird Sleep Schedule

Thursday darn near kicked my butt.  I was so tired when I left work and headed in for my Neulasta shot.  When I got home, I thought I'd just take a short nap so I could watch Big Brother at 8:00.  I was asleep by 3:30.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up and it was 10:30.  Oops.  Big Brother was recorded, so I still got to watch it.  I realized, too, that I'd only had about 10 saltines to eat all day.  Probably not a great plan, so I heated up a can of soup and watched my show.

After that, it was time to catch up online.  That being done, I need to see if I can squeeze in a couple more hours of sleep.  Somehow, I doubt it'll happen, but I have to give it a shot.  If not, I only have to get through one more day before the weekend.  I'm also thankful that I'm sleeping now, so I'll take it when I can get it.

A/C Cycle Three Begins - and Brooke!

My buddy Brooke flew in from Texas to surprise me on Monday night.  What a surprise it was, too!  I love it when she's here.  I don't feel like I have to entertain her, so I can go to bed when I need to and sit comatose in the recliner if I need to.  She jumps up and helps in the kitchen, whether it's preparing food, cleaning up, or anything else that needs done.  She's family, only not as lazy as the rest of us.  :)

She accompanied me to my infusion appointment yesterday.  We had my favorite nurse and she laughed with (at) us several times.  Having Brooke there made the time fly by.  After it was over, we made a quick stop at HyVee, and Brooke spotted an Einstein Bagels, nearly giving me whiplash as she pulled in to the parking lot. She loves them, and can't get them near her home.

After that, we came home, and it's good that we did.  I had hit my wall.  Thank goodness, my appetite wasn't completely gone yet, and I enjoyed a piece of pizza.  I had some rewards points built up with Papa Johns, and they have $10 large pizzas on Monday-Wednesday, so I got a great deal.  I'm such a tight-wad.

I was so exhausted that I went to bed at 7:30 and was asleep within 15 minutes.  When I woke up, there was light outside my window.  I looked at my phone and it was 8:40.  How depressing!  I forced myself to stay in bed and dozed off and on until midnight, when I gave up.  I probably got a total of 2 1/2 hours.  Stupid steroids.

Oh well.  Every two weeks, as soon as I start to feel good, I go again.  Thank goodness I only have one more dose of A/C, and then I switch to Taxol, which is supposed to be easier and pack fewer side effects.  I SO hope that proves true.  I still say I'm blessed with light side effects, but if I could eliminate the headache and insomnia, I'd be a happy camper!

I better sign off.  I only have 4 hours before I have to get ready for work!  LOL

Chugging Along

I don't have much to report, which is probably a good thing.  No nosebleeds, no unplanned trips to the doctor, no sickness or other nonsense.  Just chugging along.

Yesterday, we went to mom's for a catfish fry.  It was fabulous.  I had decided that I was going to spend a day without a headache, so I popped pain pills like they were Chiclets.  That's not really true, but I took one early morning, noon, and evening.  I spent the whole day (after taking the first one) headache-free.  That was nice.

The other thing that the pain pills caused was a two hour nap.  I figured that would keep me from sleeping last night, but it didn't.  I slept 7 hours with no problem.  BONUS!

Today, the girls are at Vans Warped Tour with their brother Jonathan.  They are having SO much fun, and I'm thrilled that it's a full ten degrees cooler than last week.  I have a feeling they'll get home too late for me to see them, so I'll have to hear the stories tomorrow evening.

See?  Nothing much to report, but I'm OK with that.  Yup.  It suits me JUST fine.

Surviving the Crash

I got out early to see Mom and Dad, and was glad I did.  As I sat on their couch, I could feel it coming.  It made me glad that we live fewer than two miles away from them.  I got home in time for "the crash."  The crash comes after the oral steroids are gone, and seems to leave me comatose for most of a day.  I asked Kevin to take the girls to get some lunch or something and I headed to bed.

Just like last time, I alternated between the bed and the recliner.  My limbs are like spaghetti and my lower back and legs hurt.  My head is full of oatmeal and my conversational skills are that of a carrot.  I'm so glad this only happens once per chemo cycle.  I gave in and went to bed around 6:30 last night, but even with Ambien I was awake at midnight.

I forced myself to stay in bed, and even dozed a bit, until 2:00.  At that point, I gave up.  I may as well get ready for work, if I'm going to be awake.  I'm also losing hair by the hands-full.  You can't tell to look at my head, but it's time to wear a hat, simply for shed control.  Every day is an adventure for me right now.   I should feel a bit better each day this week, so that is something to look forward to.

I'm also thankful that I've found more that sounds good to eat this time around.  Fruit is good, as is chicken and potatoes.  At least I can get some protein, if chicken tastes good to me.  Kevin grilled a bunch up for me, so I'll take that for lunches this week.  I hear the protein will make me feel better.  

Finally, the headaches are still here, but very mild compared to before.  My sleep patterns aren't improving, but the steroids being cut must have helped some.  Days seven and eight of the last cycle are the days when my headache hit the hardest, and I'm day six of this cycle.  I'm determined it's not going to happen this time.  

Oh, and we get Wednesday off!  Another plus!  I can't be in the sun and I wear out pretty easily, but Mom has a/c, so we'll go out there and let the girls blow some stuff up.  Yup, just another week, surviving chemo.

The Quest for Tasty Food

Although I didn't want food this morning, I woke up hungry.  I was determined to find something other than crackers to take my meds with.  I found a lone packet of instant oatmeal in the cabinet and decided that it may just do the trick.  It did!  It was actually tasty.  That gave me hope to start eating again today.

Kevin went outside at 8:00 to start mowing, knowing it was going to be miserable again.  By the time he mowed everything, did the weed-eating, and made the yard look civil again, it was nearly noon...and HOT.  He showered and headed to the store with Monica.  I feel bad, but absolutely everything seems to fall on him now.  He's been amazing about it, but I still feel guilt.

My main wish for his shopping trip was fruit.  I thought fruit sounded good, and we had some frozen mixed fruit that I had thawed, and ate a bit of it.  It was very good.  He hooked me up!  I still had a cantaloupe, and he brought home apples, kiwi, grapes and strawberries.  The girls and I just combined all of the above and enjoyed the heck out of it.  It tasted SO good.

The other thing that I ate today was cucumber sandwich.  I had eaten a cucumber (from mom's garden) earlier in the day and it tasted pretty good, so I asked Kevin to bring me some cream cheese and dry Italian dressing mix.  It is supposed to sit for 24 hours, but I made a sandwich as soon as I mixed it up, and it was good, too.

I still don't want foods that I normally like, but it is SO nice to have something other than soup and saltines.  Tomorrow, Kevin is going to grill some chicken for me.  I have to get some protein in, and that sounds bland enough that I can probably eat it.  I was told that my white counts being low would make me short of breath, and I've certainly been short of breath today.

All in all, thanks to Kevin, I've had a good day.  I managed to do laundry, taking 10 minutes to catch my breath each time I came up the stairs, but managing to feel like I've contributed, anyway.  I plan to get a good night's sleep, since tomorrow is "crash" day.  I really don't want to sleep all day, but if that's what it takes to be able to get to work on Monday, that's what I'll do.

I'm thankful she cut my steroids in half.  I think it's contributing to my tired/weak feeling, but it should make my crash less intense, and I'm still getting enough of them to not be nauseous.  This medication balancing act is such a joy.  I've taken more pills in the past three weeks than I've taken in the past three years.  No joke.

A Visit to the Doctor

I had a visit with my oncologist today.  I've never been so excited for a doctor's appointment in my life.  That's kinda sad, but I couldn't wait to talk to her.  She was impressed by my overall lack of side effects (nausea, etc) and I was happy to see that I'd lost 8 lbs in the past two weeks.  Another benefit!  She was also more than ready to help find a solution to the headaches.

She believes that the problem is a combination of lack of sleep and the steroids.  (Mom was half right!)  I asked if it could truly be the steroids, since I haven't taken one in 10 days.  She assured me that it could be.  What's weird, is that I didn't have the headache when I was taking them.  It came later.  That's why she thinks it's in combination with a cumulative lack of sleep.

Her solution was to cut my steroids in half for this round, and she prescribed Ambien.  I get steroids in my IV before chemo, and then take the pills for the following three days.  Instead of two tablets twice a day, I'll be taking one tablet twice a day.  I really, REALLY need this to work, so I've decided that it's going to.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.  I will be at the plastic surgeon's office for a tissue expander fill at 9:00 in the morning, and then back to this side of the state line for my infusion at 11:00.  Because they drew blood while I was there today (my whites are up, by the way,) it will speed things up for tomorrow.  No waiting for the lab to get the results sent upstairs.

On Thursday, I hope to get a full 8 hours in, and then I have my Neulasta shot at 4 pm.  Chemo weeks are SO busy, but it should make it go by quickly.  Also, after tomorrow, I can say that I'm halfway done with the A/C portion of my chemo.  That's 1/4 of the way done with chemo!  Positive thoughts.  Positive thoughts.  Positive thoughts.  Doritos.  Hey!  How'd THAT get in there?  Oh well.

This is Getting Ridiculous

I've officially had a headache for nine days in a row.  I don't have it all day, but it lingers around for most of the day.  I'm keeping a "chemo diary" of sorts, so I can track trends and watch for side effects.  That's how I noticed that I have had a headache since June 17th.  That's the first time it was noted in those notes.  I'm a little slow at connecting dots sometimes, so it wasn't until the past 5 days that I've really been trying to figure out what is triggering the dang things.

I thought I may have cut caffeine too quickly, so I added some back.  It's not caffeine.  I thought it might be from one of my medications, but I haven't taken any medications in over a week.  It's not medication.  I thought that it may have something to do with lack of sleep, but I've been taking a sleep aid two out of three days, and am now getting plenty of sleep on those nights.  It's not lack of sleep.

I started noticing, over the past five days or so that I don't usually wake up with it.  Maybe I have NEVER had it first thing in the morning, but I'm slow to connect the dots (or sometimes even recognize the dots,) remember?

So I've been pouring over my short-hand type notes, and trying to figure it out.  I noticed that I got it not long after eating a square of lasagna yesterday.  Kevin and I discussed that it could be cheese or some component in that dish, so I decided to note what I have recently eaten when this stupid headache shows up.

This morning I had no headache.  I always feel so good as I head out to work!  Plenty of energy and no headache.  When I got there, I put in a couple of hours and decided I was hungry.  I ate some cantaloupe that I had cut up and brought along, as well as a trail mix granola bar.  Not even ten minutes had passed before my head started to ache.

The headache was still there at lunch time, so I thought, "In for a penny, in for a pound!" and ate my leftovers.  By the time I hit the eight hour mark, I couldn't take any more and I headed home.  I've been in bed since I got here, wishing my head would just STOP already.

My final observation is that my head didn't hurt while I had all the other side effects.  Remember what I ate during that time?  Nothing, unless I forced down chicken noodle soup or mac-n-cheese.  Bland foods.  I'm now wondering if it will stop hurting if I switch back to only bland things.  That will be the next thing I try, if left to my own devices.

I hope that I won't be, though.  I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow morning.  I'm going to talk this out with her and see if she has any ideas.  A week or so ago, I joked, "Well, at least I only have to deal with this for 16 weeks."  It's not funny anymore.  I can't do this for (now) 14 more weeks.  Most days, I would rate the pain at a three or four on the 1-10 pain scale.  Today's was easily an eight or nine.

Nope.  I can't do this.  Well, let me correct that statement.  If I had a choice, I would say that about breast cancer.  "I can't do this."  However, I can do this, and I am doing it.  If I find no relief, I guess I'll have no more say about the headache than I do about cancer.  However, as amazing as my health care providers have done in preventing or minimizing side effects, I'm sure they'll have something I can try.

The Headache and the Sleeplessness

The headache persists, but I conquered the other monster last night.  I took an OTC sleep aid and went to my bed at 7:00.  I got as comfortable as possible (pillows under my knees, shoulders supported, etc) and listened to some guided imagery type meditation tracks that had been suggested to me by some other wonderful ladies going through this breast cancer maze with me.  You may want to check them out.  There are tracks for almost any condition/need, from allergies to weight loss.

I've never been "into" meditation, done yoga, etc, but I am willing to try anything to get rid of this headache, and to achieve a good night's sleep.  I listened to the headache track, which did seem to help.  If nothing else, it helps you relax.  All I know is this:  The combination of what I did last night caused me to conk out before 7:30 and sleep until 3!  WooHoo!

I'm not taking anything for the headache today.  It's not helping, other than taking the edge off, so I'm going to tough through it for a day or so and see what happens.  I plan to out-stubborn the dang thing.  I plan to concentrate on posture and breathing today, and avoid Tylenol unless it just gets so bad that I can't stand it.  I've conquered the food beast, the sleeping beast, and have only one beast left to tame.  That means I can throw all of my energy at slaying that one beast.

Wish me luck.  I'm going in!

Eight and a Half Hours

I didn't sleep well again last night, but I fell asleep (passed out hard, actually) quite easily the first time, and again after getting up 3 hours later for a restroom trip.  Drinking a lot of water must be done early in the day. Lesson learned.  I remedied that today.  :)

When I woke the second time, it was about 2:30, and upon returning to my chair (yes, I still cannot comfortably sleep in my own bed..BOO) I realized I wasn't going to get back to sleep.  Still, I forced myself to try for 45 minutes or so, and gave up and jumped online to waste some time until it was a normal time to wake up.

At 4, Kevin got up and showered, and then I showered and got ready for work.  It wasn't long before the steroids kicked in and and I realized, "You should be at work!  Use the hours you feel good wisely!"  I went in super early and accomplished a lot.  I wanted to make it until 2:45, but got caught up in a project, so I was there until 3:15.

The best part of the day was when they brought pizza in for a meeting in the conference room, and all of customer service could smell it.  They were all talking about how great it smelled.  I could smell it, but meh, whatever.  Food hasn't smelled good since Tuesday.  About 40 minutes later, I realized, "Hey!  That smells fantastic!"  I was able to scam a piece (since the folks in the conference room were done) and it tasted as good as it smelled.

I felt good through the whole day, until I got about 5 miles from home.  I suddenly wondered if I'd make it home before falling asleep.  LOL  I haven't left the chair since.  Still, though, I worked a full day, and that was my goal.

I win!

Attitude Adjustment and the Breakfast of Champions

I have not been posting much lately because I have had an attitude problem for the past several days.  Time to get over it.  A crappy attitude is NOT going to fix anything.  I think I'm done pouting now, and ready to move on.  Sometimes you have to say, "What are ya gonna do?" and just go along with what has to be done.

Therefore, I will most likely be going back to work on Tuesday morning.  I really wanted to wait until Jaxson's departure, since that will be a pain to deal with, but whatever.  He's been holding steady at 50cc per day for nearly 3 weeks.  I'm going to the plastic surgeon's office this afternoon just because they haven't seen me in a while and they cannot believe that Jaxson is this stubborn.  The record in that office is 7 weeks for a JP drain to stay in, and Jaxson's been around for 5 weeks and 2 days (but who's counting?)

It'll also be good to have them verify that there are no signs of infection from me having it so long.  I've been on pretty strong antibiotics since surgery, so I doubt it, but it's worth letting them take a look, anyway.  They won't remove it with the output being this high, but maybe they can give me some guidance as to why the amount hasn't dropped in 3 weeks.

I was up until nearly 1:00 am, watching crap on TV.  I had an alarm set for 5:30 so the drain amount that I give them today is for exactly 24 hours.  (Why did I have to wake up so early yesterday?  LOL)  The plan was to go back to sleep.  So much for plans.  Natalie was in my room, watching TV (I sleep in the recliner and Kevin was gone to work) so I spoke to her, and then I instantly started thinking about today's appointment, so sleep was futile.

I started having coffee and doing my typical, early morning internet surfing, and Natalie said she would make some eggs for me.  The only problem was, we are apparently out of eggs.  Dang.  What did she offer to make instead?  Or stranger yet, what sounded REALLY good when she offered?  Grilled ham and cheese!  She fixed one for me and I had some of my mega thin chips with white queso dip, and it was an amazing breakfast!  What a sweet kid I have.

Oh, and the coffee we've been having is the best coffee in the world (in our opinion.)  It can only be found in Texas, because it's a store brand at HEB.  You can order online, but the price gets really high if you do that, so we stock up when we go to Texas, and our Texas friends always bring some along when they visit.  The problem is, we haven't been down there in nearly a year, and our friends haven't had the opportunity to visit, so we've been out for quite some time.

Actually, another friend (not from Texas) ordered online and had some sent to us in bulk since we were there last (shout out, 'Shell) but it's been gone for a while.  Well, one of my Texas friends (shout out, Susie!) sent a care package recently with SIX bags!  It is SO good.  I think I'll go refill my cup.

I only have four more hours to kill until we leave for my appointment.  *sigh*  Wouldn't it suck if they told me I had to quit coffee and chips in order to get rid of this drain?  ARGGG!  ::shudder::  What a nightmare THAT would be.

And Here is Another Week

Wow.  Another Monday is here already.  I slept a LOT yesterday.  Recent surgery or not, I slept so much I felt guilty!  I would wake up for an hour or so, think I was done napping, and then BAM, back to sleep for another couple of hours.  I didn't feel as bad as I did on Saturday, but I sure was tired.  The day ended with a visit from coworkers bearing meals.  Yum is an understatement.

This morning, I decided to rest as needed, but NOT sleep the day away.  We'll see how THAT goes.  LOL  Heck, it takes an hour to shower and get dressed, 20 minutes to go to the post office and back, and then it's time for this important internet-type stuff.  :)  By then, the day is half over, so I think I have a solid plan to prevent non-stop sleep.

I've got Jaxson down to double digits, but we still have a way to go  before I can get rid of him.  Yesterday was 53cc.  The day before that was 87, so I'm hoping yesterday wasn't a fluke (because that's a huge drop.)  It has to be under 30cc for two days straight before they can remove it.  I am SO flippin' tired of dealing with it.  Tired to the point that I tear up as I'm trying to shower or get dressed or change clothes.  Of all the things that are horrible about cancer, who would have thought a stupid drain could cause this much grief?

I guess I'll go email my nurse the Jaxson status and see what she says.  Fingers crossed...

The Jaxson Saga and Mother's Day

Wow, no post since Wednesday must mean no news, huh?  That, and I'm keeping weird hours.  I've never known anyone to sleep as much as I have been sleeping lately.  Other than a baby, perhaps.  I'm not complaining, however.  I am learning to adore a good nap or three during the day.

Jaxson seems to finally be slowing down.  94cc on Thursday, and 83cc on Friday.  Keep going that direction, buddy.  I may get rid of you before the week is out, which is actually imperative, since I am to start chemo the following Tuesday, and cannot start chemo until Jaxson is out of the picture.

Today, we're going to have a Mother's Day meal of burgers and dogs on the grill.  Brett and Melissa are coming over and bringing the kids.  I can't WAIT!  It's been weeks since I've seen them.  Even Kaylie is coming, and she NEVER makes it.  I stocked up on bubbles and sidewalk chalk, so we should make it a great day.

Chemo has been Scheduled

So yesterday, I just sat here.  Yup.  That's pretty much what I did.  I let the HVAC guy in to fix our a/c, and then I wrote a check to him.  I changed the channel several times, took medication and logged drain output.  Quite possibly the laziest day I've participated in for a LONG time.  If that's what it takes to get better fast, I'm going to have to heal slowly.  Jeez, what a long day.

I'll avoid running errands that aren't necessary (we'll leave those up to Kevin,) but I'm not going to sit in this chair 24/7, THAT'S for sure.  Today, I think I'll walk up to the post office.  All the way up town, by myself.  (Those who know this town will get the joke.  We're talking 4 blocks.)

I got a call from someone yesterday (I cannot keep track of what nurse is from what office anymore) but she was somehow affiliated with the oncologist.  I am to go in at 10:15 on May 22.  I'll have a meeting with the oncologist and then have my first chemo treatment.  I'm supposed to plan on being there for many hours, especially for the first visit.  Maybe as many as six!

The problem that I see (and it may not be a problem, but I'll be asking) is that I expect Jaxson to still be hanging around then.  I still have not dropped under 100cc in a 24 hour period, and it's got to get under 30.  If you aren't familiar with Jaxson, go to this post and read the last paragraph.  I didn't think to ask yesterday, but I have an email in to my favorite nurse/source of information to see what to do about it.  Maybe Jaxson will just go along for the ride.  LOL  He's always enjoyed a good road trip.

I slept in my own bed last night, and I believe I slept better than I have in three weeks.  Can you believe it's been three weeks?  I may try to make the transition back into there now.  This poor recliner deserves a break.  :)