Grumble Grumble Whine

I was happy to have most of  yesterday crash-free.  It was Brooke's last day here, and we enjoyed it, even if we did relax most of the day.  By 7:30 or so, though, I felt it coming.  By 8, I was nodding off in the chair and Kevin nudged me to go to bed.  The crash should have hit late Sunday morning, but I think my Saturday nap pushed my last steroid dose late enough to delay it.

I would have thought that a good thing, since it allowed me most of Sunday to enjoy my company.  The bad part was that it caused the crash to continue into a work day, as well as to allow it to overlap my severe bone pain day.  Yup.  Today sucked.

I made it six hours before heading home.  I had a pain pill and a nap for lunch, and haven't done much since.  I am thankful that the bone pain is typically limited to 24-36 hours, so before tomorrow is over, I should be feeling better.  I also believe that the crash symptoms should be mostly gone by morning.  If the steroid-induced emotional crap goes away with it, it will be a good Tuesday indeed.

Being More Careful

Yesterday was fun.  The girls even got up without struggles, and we left early for City Market.  I didn't have to ditch my group for a bench, even though these stupid steroids take my breath a lot.  I just moved slowly along and we had a good time.

When we got home, I realized that I'd need a nap or I'd never make it through the afternoon, so I went to bed at 1:30 with my alarm set for 3.  It went off, I felt dizzy, so I turned it off.  Backup alarm went off at 4:00, but still, I couldn't get out of bed.  I looked over by the bed, saw my full water glass, and started counting ounces.  I didn't get to count very high.

I'd had a lot of coffee while everyone got ready, and then I'd had a Diet Coke.  I filled my glass before we hit the road, and that's all the water I had all day.  We walked around in the sun and heat for a couple of hours, and I wasn't drinking anything.  I was good and dehydrated.

It took a couple of hours and a LOT of water and Gatorade to straighten me out.  My head finally stopped spinning and I was told I looked better after 2-3 hours.  After getting that straightened out, I was hungry and actually ate dinner.  That's saying something for day four.  If I'd stayed hydrated, I'd probably had an amazing day!  LOL

Today should be crash day, but as easy as the rest of this cycle has been, I plan to not let it happen.  I'm already pumping down water, and anything we do will be inside the a/c today.  Brooke will head back home tomorrow, and I don't want to waste any of our time crashed out in my chair.  I'm already sad about her leaving.  I want to make the most of today.

I just have to be more careful.  I let the fact that I was doing so well lead to a false sense of security.  I now know to enjoy the fact that this third cycle is being so good to me, and keep up with the things I know my body needs.  Like water.  Time for a refill!

Surviving the Crash

I got out early to see Mom and Dad, and was glad I did.  As I sat on their couch, I could feel it coming.  It made me glad that we live fewer than two miles away from them.  I got home in time for "the crash."  The crash comes after the oral steroids are gone, and seems to leave me comatose for most of a day.  I asked Kevin to take the girls to get some lunch or something and I headed to bed.

Just like last time, I alternated between the bed and the recliner.  My limbs are like spaghetti and my lower back and legs hurt.  My head is full of oatmeal and my conversational skills are that of a carrot.  I'm so glad this only happens once per chemo cycle.  I gave in and went to bed around 6:30 last night, but even with Ambien I was awake at midnight.

I forced myself to stay in bed, and even dozed a bit, until 2:00.  At that point, I gave up.  I may as well get ready for work, if I'm going to be awake.  I'm also losing hair by the hands-full.  You can't tell to look at my head, but it's time to wear a hat, simply for shed control.  Every day is an adventure for me right now.   I should feel a bit better each day this week, so that is something to look forward to.

I'm also thankful that I've found more that sounds good to eat this time around.  Fruit is good, as is chicken and potatoes.  At least I can get some protein, if chicken tastes good to me.  Kevin grilled a bunch up for me, so I'll take that for lunches this week.  I hear the protein will make me feel better.  

Finally, the headaches are still here, but very mild compared to before.  My sleep patterns aren't improving, but the steroids being cut must have helped some.  Days seven and eight of the last cycle are the days when my headache hit the hardest, and I'm day six of this cycle.  I'm determined it's not going to happen this time.  

Oh, and we get Wednesday off!  Another plus!  I can't be in the sun and I wear out pretty easily, but Mom has a/c, so we'll go out there and let the girls blow some stuff up.  Yup, just another week, surviving chemo.

The Quest for Tasty Food

Although I didn't want food this morning, I woke up hungry.  I was determined to find something other than crackers to take my meds with.  I found a lone packet of instant oatmeal in the cabinet and decided that it may just do the trick.  It did!  It was actually tasty.  That gave me hope to start eating again today.

Kevin went outside at 8:00 to start mowing, knowing it was going to be miserable again.  By the time he mowed everything, did the weed-eating, and made the yard look civil again, it was nearly noon...and HOT.  He showered and headed to the store with Monica.  I feel bad, but absolutely everything seems to fall on him now.  He's been amazing about it, but I still feel guilt.

My main wish for his shopping trip was fruit.  I thought fruit sounded good, and we had some frozen mixed fruit that I had thawed, and ate a bit of it.  It was very good.  He hooked me up!  I still had a cantaloupe, and he brought home apples, kiwi, grapes and strawberries.  The girls and I just combined all of the above and enjoyed the heck out of it.  It tasted SO good.

The other thing that I ate today was cucumber sandwich.  I had eaten a cucumber (from mom's garden) earlier in the day and it tasted pretty good, so I asked Kevin to bring me some cream cheese and dry Italian dressing mix.  It is supposed to sit for 24 hours, but I made a sandwich as soon as I mixed it up, and it was good, too.

I still don't want foods that I normally like, but it is SO nice to have something other than soup and saltines.  Tomorrow, Kevin is going to grill some chicken for me.  I have to get some protein in, and that sounds bland enough that I can probably eat it.  I was told that my white counts being low would make me short of breath, and I've certainly been short of breath today.

All in all, thanks to Kevin, I've had a good day.  I managed to do laundry, taking 10 minutes to catch my breath each time I came up the stairs, but managing to feel like I've contributed, anyway.  I plan to get a good night's sleep, since tomorrow is "crash" day.  I really don't want to sleep all day, but if that's what it takes to be able to get to work on Monday, that's what I'll do.

I'm thankful she cut my steroids in half.  I think it's contributing to my tired/weak feeling, but it should make my crash less intense, and I'm still getting enough of them to not be nauseous.  This medication balancing act is such a joy.  I've taken more pills in the past three weeks than I've taken in the past three years.  No joke.

The End of the Weekend

This is the time of year in which card companies get a lot of money from my family.  My parent's anniversary is June 14.  My dad's birthday is June 16.  My own anniversary (Happy 17th, Kevin!) is June 17th, and Father's Day is always right in there somewhere.  Wow.  I think Dad wins out over everyone, netting three of those special days.  LOL

I didn't post yesterday.  I'd been warned about the "crash" and that it would probably be Saturday.  Yup.  The next time I'm hard up for something to post about, I'll share.  Plus, I get to experience it 7 more times.  Yippee!  I still claim to be "lucky" when it comes to side effects.  I'm just not ready to relive yesterday yet.

Today, I received a visit from three lovely friends who came with arms full of food.  I have been SO blessed by people feeding my family.  When I feel like crap, I can just grab something to quickly toss in the oven without having to feel like my kids are being slighted by my lack of enthusiasm in the food department.

After that, my dad had to visit ME on father's day.  LOL  I was worn out (way better than yesterday, but still sluggish) and it was mid 90s outside.  As I was sending Mom a message to please let Dad know I'd stop by tomorrow, they called to ask if they could drop by!  I was thrilled.  I hadn't seen them since they got home from vacation four days ago.

Now, I'm melted into the recliner (big shock, I know) and thinking it's going to be an early night for me.  The project that I'd wanted to work on at home didn't work out, and I'd like to get in as early as possible tomorrow and clear that up.  If I'm awake super-early, I'll go on in.   I'll knock that project out in a couple of hours, and then work on regular work.

My goal this week is 40 hours.  If I can maintain 40 on the non-chemo weeks, I'll be pleased.  I'm certain I can do it, barring any new or worsening side effects.  And we're not going to have any of THOSE, now ARE we???  Nope.