The doctor was wrong. I kinda figured this would be the case, but I had my hopes up to be the one who was wrong. How often can you say that? "Boy oh boy do I hope I'm wrong!" The pain seemed to settle in a bit later, so by noon yesterday, I still had hope. When I got home, though, I could tell it was getting worse and the football game was likely out of the question.
I took a pain pill and a nap, but when I woke up, it was even worse. One more football game missed. This morning, it's the worst it's ever been. This time is different, though. This time, I can chant "One more time. One more time. One more time." I'm almost done. This is the last time I have to feel this way. By Tuesday or Wednesday, the pain will subside and then I get a month off. A month of NO treatment of ANY kind.
After that month, radiation will likely start, but that'll be a cake-walk compared to this stupid Taxol. It may make me tired. Tired is something I can handle. That's why they make coffee, I think. Anyway, I'll know more about that plan on Monday. Kevin will pick me up and we'll go for a consult with the radiology oncologist. Then we'll know the plan.
For now, I'll sit right here. I hurt, but I know it's going to end soon. Somehow, that makes it better. I've showered and moved to the recliner, so I am among the living. This is likely the most activity I'll see today, though. One more time.
Showing posts with label taxol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label taxol. Show all posts
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
A Sense of Dread
Tomorrow is my blood work and Dr. appointment day. Wednesday is my chemo day. I noticed today that I am experiencing a sense of dread about this treatment. That is new. It's nagging at the back of my mind, and causing an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Nothing about this cancer trip has been fun. Nothing has caused joy and celebration. Still, each treatment has been a step toward completion. It has just been something that I do...a part of my schedule...no big deal. Every other Wednesday, I go for chemo.
After the last time (my first Taxol treatment) causing such intense pain, though, I don't wanna go. It could be completely different and not be so bad this time. I realize this. The first two A/C treatments were as expected, the third was a cake walk, and the fourth put me in the hospital. That means that the first Taxol putting me down for 4 days does NOT mean the second one will.
It's such a short time. The chemo portion of my treatment will all be over in 4-6 weeks. I can do anything for 4-6 weeks. I just don't like the feeling that it's leaving in my stomach. I bet I'll feel a lot better when Wednesday comes and goes. Once it's done, it's done.
You can't dread something that's over, right? (:
Nothing about this cancer trip has been fun. Nothing has caused joy and celebration. Still, each treatment has been a step toward completion. It has just been something that I do...a part of my schedule...no big deal. Every other Wednesday, I go for chemo.
After the last time (my first Taxol treatment) causing such intense pain, though, I don't wanna go. It could be completely different and not be so bad this time. I realize this. The first two A/C treatments were as expected, the third was a cake walk, and the fourth put me in the hospital. That means that the first Taxol putting me down for 4 days does NOT mean the second one will.
It's such a short time. The chemo portion of my treatment will all be over in 4-6 weeks. I can do anything for 4-6 weeks. I just don't like the feeling that it's leaving in my stomach. I bet I'll feel a lot better when Wednesday comes and goes. Once it's done, it's done.
You can't dread something that's over, right? (:
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I'm Still Here
I've gotten ribbed a bit for letting so much time pass between blog posts. In the past, that was reason for a sigh of relief. Now, it leaves distant friends and relatives wondering if I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm here. I don't want to do multiple "downer" posts in a row, so I just left the blog dormant this week.
Honestly, I started feeling better on Wednesday. I called it "narcotic-free Wednesday" because it was the first day in five that I hadn't needed pain pills. The debilitating pain was gone by then, but I was still so flipping exhausted. When Kevin got home at 4:30 on Wednesday, I was already asleep. I slept until 3. On Thursday and Friday, I fought the urge to lie down by avoiding the bedroom. LOL
Today, I feel all right. I woke early and paid bills. If you can do THAT and not become depressed, you're doing all right. Not only are we having record-high electric bills, cancer treatment doesn't come cheap. We've met our max out of pocket, but there are still payments being made from arrangements before we hit that max. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to think this is going to start over at the first of the year is sort of depressing. Let's not think about that.
I've missed enough work lately that my paycheck was the smallest it's been since I returned to work. It was 2/3 the usual amount, actually. Thanks to Kevin's pay increases (yes, plural!) over the last couple of weeks, we still had enough to pay all of our bills that are due. That made me so happy. When I sat down with the bills and my computer and checkbook, I figured I'd have to juggle. Nope!
Back to me, I'm going to milk this weekend for all it's worth. I have chemo again on Wednesday, and if it follows the same timing, the bone pain will settle in on Friday. I'll enjoy not hurting until then, and try to stay awake until the sun goes down at night.
But no promises on that last part. :)
Honestly, I started feeling better on Wednesday. I called it "narcotic-free Wednesday" because it was the first day in five that I hadn't needed pain pills. The debilitating pain was gone by then, but I was still so flipping exhausted. When Kevin got home at 4:30 on Wednesday, I was already asleep. I slept until 3. On Thursday and Friday, I fought the urge to lie down by avoiding the bedroom. LOL
Today, I feel all right. I woke early and paid bills. If you can do THAT and not become depressed, you're doing all right. Not only are we having record-high electric bills, cancer treatment doesn't come cheap. We've met our max out of pocket, but there are still payments being made from arrangements before we hit that max. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to think this is going to start over at the first of the year is sort of depressing. Let's not think about that.
I've missed enough work lately that my paycheck was the smallest it's been since I returned to work. It was 2/3 the usual amount, actually. Thanks to Kevin's pay increases (yes, plural!) over the last couple of weeks, we still had enough to pay all of our bills that are due. That made me so happy. When I sat down with the bills and my computer and checkbook, I figured I'd have to juggle. Nope!
Back to me, I'm going to milk this weekend for all it's worth. I have chemo again on Wednesday, and if it follows the same timing, the bone pain will settle in on Friday. I'll enjoy not hurting until then, and try to stay awake until the sun goes down at night.
But no promises on that last part. :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Brief Update (Complaint Warning)
When I finished the A/C portion of my chemo and started Taxol, I was under the impression that it would be easier. I got my first infusion on Thursday, and felt pretty darned good. Friday, I went to work, still feeling good and thought I had it made.
After work, I had to stop for my Neulasta shot (it brings up my white count and is always 24 hours after chemo) and noticed, by the time I got there, that I was VERY tired. Oh well. I felt enough better that I may have overdone things a bit, and the weekend was here for me to recover.
Saturday, I was shocked at how badly my bone hurt. Traditionally, Neulasta causes bone pain, but it's been very predictable for me. I get the shot on day 2, and have pretty rough bone pain for 1 or 1 1/2 days around day 6. This was much worse, and much sooner, so I did some research and realized that Taxol causes bone and joint pain, too. Great.
Sunday was even worse, and by the afternoon, a fever had joined the party. WooFreakinHoo. Kevin called the on-call doctor (why do I never get sick during office hours?) and she told him to give me Tylenol and see if that brings it down. It was too early for me to be nutropenic (super-low whites, which hospitalized me last time) from the chemo, so she was willing to give it time to work itself out.
The Tylenol slowly brought down the fever, which had reached 101.8 at it's highest. With the fever down, we avoided a trip to the ER and I was told to go get blood drawn this morning. I woke feeling like I'd been drug behind a horse through the desert like in an old western, but showered and managed to get to the car. It was one of the few times ever that I was sorry to drive a standard transmission. My legs were screaming.
My blood counts were OK, but they drew a couple more vials to do some cultures on. I was then told to go home and rest. I did, which I will regret greatly on payday, but the four hour nap sided with the fact that I needed it.
The chemocare page on Taxol says that the pain duration should be "a few days." I am truly hoping that means I'll be able to tell a marked difference in the morning. I have pain pills, but I'd rather not take them at work unless I have to. I'd also like to be able to walk without wincing (and sometimes crying.) Mom made dinner for my family tonight, or it would have been ramen for sure.
Here's to a better tomorrow.
After work, I had to stop for my Neulasta shot (it brings up my white count and is always 24 hours after chemo) and noticed, by the time I got there, that I was VERY tired. Oh well. I felt enough better that I may have overdone things a bit, and the weekend was here for me to recover.
Saturday, I was shocked at how badly my bone hurt. Traditionally, Neulasta causes bone pain, but it's been very predictable for me. I get the shot on day 2, and have pretty rough bone pain for 1 or 1 1/2 days around day 6. This was much worse, and much sooner, so I did some research and realized that Taxol causes bone and joint pain, too. Great.
Sunday was even worse, and by the afternoon, a fever had joined the party. WooFreakinHoo. Kevin called the on-call doctor (why do I never get sick during office hours?) and she told him to give me Tylenol and see if that brings it down. It was too early for me to be nutropenic (super-low whites, which hospitalized me last time) from the chemo, so she was willing to give it time to work itself out.
The Tylenol slowly brought down the fever, which had reached 101.8 at it's highest. With the fever down, we avoided a trip to the ER and I was told to go get blood drawn this morning. I woke feeling like I'd been drug behind a horse through the desert like in an old western, but showered and managed to get to the car. It was one of the few times ever that I was sorry to drive a standard transmission. My legs were screaming.
My blood counts were OK, but they drew a couple more vials to do some cultures on. I was then told to go home and rest. I did, which I will regret greatly on payday, but the four hour nap sided with the fact that I needed it.
The chemocare page on Taxol says that the pain duration should be "a few days." I am truly hoping that means I'll be able to tell a marked difference in the morning. I have pain pills, but I'd rather not take them at work unless I have to. I'd also like to be able to walk without wincing (and sometimes crying.) Mom made dinner for my family tonight, or it would have been ramen for sure.
Here's to a better tomorrow.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Starting the Second Half
You know how, when you're watching a football game (I picture a high-school game here in our little town,) the team heads to the locker room at half time? If they have a rough first half, I imagine the coach tells them to pull it together and talks to them about the best way to turn it around.
If the team is winning when halftime gets here, they head to the locker room and talk about their strengths, how well they're doing, and how to keep the momentum rolling. Of course, I've never been in a locker room during half-time of a football game, but this is what I expect.
Today, I start my "second half." My body played a first half until the last couple of downs. I had it pretty easy, looking like the star quarterback as I went through my first three treatments. For my fourth treatment, though, cancer's team introduced some new players. Big dudes from out of town.
My whites took a beating, leaving me in the hospital for three days. My reds hit bottom, causing me to need a unit of blood. I could do nothing more than come home from work and go straight to bed for over a week. If my family wanted/needed something, they knew to come to my room. It was a very depressing time. Back to my football analogy, I was taking a beating and starting to feel like there was no way I could finish this game.
My whites bounced back over the weekend, though, and I felt better yesterday after receiving that unit of blood. It's halftime, and I'm getting ready to start the second half. Today is my first infusion of Taxol. Most people who have had the Adriamycin/Cytoxan combo, and then had Taxol say that Taxol is the easier of the two. I'm counting on that. The coach is telling me that I'll get through this half with no problems, coming out the victor.
No matter what, the bell signalling the end of the game will ring on September 20. Sure, I'll probably still need radiation, but chemo, as well as the assault on my white blood cells, will be over. It feels good to say I'm halfway done. Queue up the marching band and you guys go hit the concession stand and get a hot dog and a soda. It's time for me to take the field for the second half.
If the team is winning when halftime gets here, they head to the locker room and talk about their strengths, how well they're doing, and how to keep the momentum rolling. Of course, I've never been in a locker room during half-time of a football game, but this is what I expect.
Today, I start my "second half." My body played a first half until the last couple of downs. I had it pretty easy, looking like the star quarterback as I went through my first three treatments. For my fourth treatment, though, cancer's team introduced some new players. Big dudes from out of town.
My whites took a beating, leaving me in the hospital for three days. My reds hit bottom, causing me to need a unit of blood. I could do nothing more than come home from work and go straight to bed for over a week. If my family wanted/needed something, they knew to come to my room. It was a very depressing time. Back to my football analogy, I was taking a beating and starting to feel like there was no way I could finish this game.
My whites bounced back over the weekend, though, and I felt better yesterday after receiving that unit of blood. It's halftime, and I'm getting ready to start the second half. Today is my first infusion of Taxol. Most people who have had the Adriamycin/Cytoxan combo, and then had Taxol say that Taxol is the easier of the two. I'm counting on that. The coach is telling me that I'll get through this half with no problems, coming out the victor.
No matter what, the bell signalling the end of the game will ring on September 20. Sure, I'll probably still need radiation, but chemo, as well as the assault on my white blood cells, will be over. It feels good to say I'm halfway done. Queue up the marching band and you guys go hit the concession stand and get a hot dog and a soda. It's time for me to take the field for the second half.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
The Easiest Cycle Yet
I made the mistake of taking my last steroid too late, which pushed my crash to a work day which overlapped with my bone pain day. I even whined about it here. However, this third cycle has been the easiest one yet.
I have had a headache only two out of the 11 days that have passed on cycle three. This is on the heels of 4 weeks of daily headaches, so it's a BIG deal. I have been getting eight hours of sleep without the aid of medication. I was able to work nine hours, two days straight, to make up for the crash day shortage.
Yup. I may have complained about Monday, but I'm very pleased with chemo cycle three. I have one more dose of A/C, which happens on Wednesday. I hope to sail through it as easily as this one. After that, I start another chemo drug. I've heard that Taxol is easier than the A/C combo for most people. Isn't THAT good news???
I have had a headache only two out of the 11 days that have passed on cycle three. This is on the heels of 4 weeks of daily headaches, so it's a BIG deal. I have been getting eight hours of sleep without the aid of medication. I was able to work nine hours, two days straight, to make up for the crash day shortage.
Yup. I may have complained about Monday, but I'm very pleased with chemo cycle three. I have one more dose of A/C, which happens on Wednesday. I hope to sail through it as easily as this one. After that, I start another chemo drug. I've heard that Taxol is easier than the A/C combo for most people. Isn't THAT good news???
Thursday, July 12, 2012
A/C Cycle Three Begins - and Brooke!
My buddy Brooke flew in from Texas to surprise me on Monday night. What a surprise it was, too! I love it when she's here. I don't feel like I have to entertain her, so I can go to bed when I need to and sit comatose in the recliner if I need to. She jumps up and helps in the kitchen, whether it's preparing food, cleaning up, or anything else that needs done. She's family, only not as lazy as the rest of us. :)
She accompanied me to my infusion appointment yesterday. We had my favorite nurse and she laughed with (at) us several times. Having Brooke there made the time fly by. After it was over, we made a quick stop at HyVee, and Brooke spotted an Einstein Bagels, nearly giving me whiplash as she pulled in to the parking lot. She loves them, and can't get them near her home.
After that, we came home, and it's good that we did. I had hit my wall. Thank goodness, my appetite wasn't completely gone yet, and I enjoyed a piece of pizza. I had some rewards points built up with Papa Johns, and they have $10 large pizzas on Monday-Wednesday, so I got a great deal. I'm such a tight-wad.
I was so exhausted that I went to bed at 7:30 and was asleep within 15 minutes. When I woke up, there was light outside my window. I looked at my phone and it was 8:40. How depressing! I forced myself to stay in bed and dozed off and on until midnight, when I gave up. I probably got a total of 2 1/2 hours. Stupid steroids.
Oh well. Every two weeks, as soon as I start to feel good, I go again. Thank goodness I only have one more dose of A/C, and then I switch to Taxol, which is supposed to be easier and pack fewer side effects. I SO hope that proves true. I still say I'm blessed with light side effects, but if I could eliminate the headache and insomnia, I'd be a happy camper!
I better sign off. I only have 4 hours before I have to get ready for work! LOL
She accompanied me to my infusion appointment yesterday. We had my favorite nurse and she laughed with (at) us several times. Having Brooke there made the time fly by. After it was over, we made a quick stop at HyVee, and Brooke spotted an Einstein Bagels, nearly giving me whiplash as she pulled in to the parking lot. She loves them, and can't get them near her home.
After that, we came home, and it's good that we did. I had hit my wall. Thank goodness, my appetite wasn't completely gone yet, and I enjoyed a piece of pizza. I had some rewards points built up with Papa Johns, and they have $10 large pizzas on Monday-Wednesday, so I got a great deal. I'm such a tight-wad.
I was so exhausted that I went to bed at 7:30 and was asleep within 15 minutes. When I woke up, there was light outside my window. I looked at my phone and it was 8:40. How depressing! I forced myself to stay in bed and dozed off and on until midnight, when I gave up. I probably got a total of 2 1/2 hours. Stupid steroids.
Oh well. Every two weeks, as soon as I start to feel good, I go again. Thank goodness I only have one more dose of A/C, and then I switch to Taxol, which is supposed to be easier and pack fewer side effects. I SO hope that proves true. I still say I'm blessed with light side effects, but if I could eliminate the headache and insomnia, I'd be a happy camper!
I better sign off. I only have 4 hours before I have to get ready for work! LOL
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