Surviving the Crash

I got out early to see Mom and Dad, and was glad I did.  As I sat on their couch, I could feel it coming.  It made me glad that we live fewer than two miles away from them.  I got home in time for "the crash."  The crash comes after the oral steroids are gone, and seems to leave me comatose for most of a day.  I asked Kevin to take the girls to get some lunch or something and I headed to bed.

Just like last time, I alternated between the bed and the recliner.  My limbs are like spaghetti and my lower back and legs hurt.  My head is full of oatmeal and my conversational skills are that of a carrot.  I'm so glad this only happens once per chemo cycle.  I gave in and went to bed around 6:30 last night, but even with Ambien I was awake at midnight.

I forced myself to stay in bed, and even dozed a bit, until 2:00.  At that point, I gave up.  I may as well get ready for work, if I'm going to be awake.  I'm also losing hair by the hands-full.  You can't tell to look at my head, but it's time to wear a hat, simply for shed control.  Every day is an adventure for me right now.   I should feel a bit better each day this week, so that is something to look forward to.

I'm also thankful that I've found more that sounds good to eat this time around.  Fruit is good, as is chicken and potatoes.  At least I can get some protein, if chicken tastes good to me.  Kevin grilled a bunch up for me, so I'll take that for lunches this week.  I hear the protein will make me feel better.  

Finally, the headaches are still here, but very mild compared to before.  My sleep patterns aren't improving, but the steroids being cut must have helped some.  Days seven and eight of the last cycle are the days when my headache hit the hardest, and I'm day six of this cycle.  I'm determined it's not going to happen this time.  

Oh, and we get Wednesday off!  Another plus!  I can't be in the sun and I wear out pretty easily, but Mom has a/c, so we'll go out there and let the girls blow some stuff up.  Yup, just another week, surviving chemo.

The Quest for Tasty Food

Although I didn't want food this morning, I woke up hungry.  I was determined to find something other than crackers to take my meds with.  I found a lone packet of instant oatmeal in the cabinet and decided that it may just do the trick.  It did!  It was actually tasty.  That gave me hope to start eating again today.

Kevin went outside at 8:00 to start mowing, knowing it was going to be miserable again.  By the time he mowed everything, did the weed-eating, and made the yard look civil again, it was nearly noon...and HOT.  He showered and headed to the store with Monica.  I feel bad, but absolutely everything seems to fall on him now.  He's been amazing about it, but I still feel guilt.

My main wish for his shopping trip was fruit.  I thought fruit sounded good, and we had some frozen mixed fruit that I had thawed, and ate a bit of it.  It was very good.  He hooked me up!  I still had a cantaloupe, and he brought home apples, kiwi, grapes and strawberries.  The girls and I just combined all of the above and enjoyed the heck out of it.  It tasted SO good.

The other thing that I ate today was cucumber sandwich.  I had eaten a cucumber (from mom's garden) earlier in the day and it tasted pretty good, so I asked Kevin to bring me some cream cheese and dry Italian dressing mix.  It is supposed to sit for 24 hours, but I made a sandwich as soon as I mixed it up, and it was good, too.

I still don't want foods that I normally like, but it is SO nice to have something other than soup and saltines.  Tomorrow, Kevin is going to grill some chicken for me.  I have to get some protein in, and that sounds bland enough that I can probably eat it.  I was told that my white counts being low would make me short of breath, and I've certainly been short of breath today.

All in all, thanks to Kevin, I've had a good day.  I managed to do laundry, taking 10 minutes to catch my breath each time I came up the stairs, but managing to feel like I've contributed, anyway.  I plan to get a good night's sleep, since tomorrow is "crash" day.  I really don't want to sleep all day, but if that's what it takes to be able to get to work on Monday, that's what I'll do.

I'm thankful she cut my steroids in half.  I think it's contributing to my tired/weak feeling, but it should make my crash less intense, and I'm still getting enough of them to not be nauseous.  This medication balancing act is such a joy.  I've taken more pills in the past three weeks than I've taken in the past three years.  No joke.

The End of the Weekend

This is the time of year in which card companies get a lot of money from my family.  My parent's anniversary is June 14.  My dad's birthday is June 16.  My own anniversary (Happy 17th, Kevin!) is June 17th, and Father's Day is always right in there somewhere.  Wow.  I think Dad wins out over everyone, netting three of those special days.  LOL

I didn't post yesterday.  I'd been warned about the "crash" and that it would probably be Saturday.  Yup.  The next time I'm hard up for something to post about, I'll share.  Plus, I get to experience it 7 more times.  Yippee!  I still claim to be "lucky" when it comes to side effects.  I'm just not ready to relive yesterday yet.

Today, I received a visit from three lovely friends who came with arms full of food.  I have been SO blessed by people feeding my family.  When I feel like crap, I can just grab something to quickly toss in the oven without having to feel like my kids are being slighted by my lack of enthusiasm in the food department.

After that, my dad had to visit ME on father's day.  LOL  I was worn out (way better than yesterday, but still sluggish) and it was mid 90s outside.  As I was sending Mom a message to please let Dad know I'd stop by tomorrow, they called to ask if they could drop by!  I was thrilled.  I hadn't seen them since they got home from vacation four days ago.

Now, I'm melted into the recliner (big shock, I know) and thinking it's going to be an early night for me.  The project that I'd wanted to work on at home didn't work out, and I'd like to get in as early as possible tomorrow and clear that up.  If I'm awake super-early, I'll go on in.   I'll knock that project out in a couple of hours, and then work on regular work.

My goal this week is 40 hours.  If I can maintain 40 on the non-chemo weeks, I'll be pleased.  I'm certain I can do it, barring any new or worsening side effects.  And we're not going to have any of THOSE, now ARE we???  Nope.

A Good Day

I DID have a good day today.  I overdid it in the heat, I think, but I had fun.  I felt nearly normal again...maybe even better than yesterday.  I asked my buddy Tammy if she'd like to get lunch or something, and she was game (as was her hubby Greg.)  They had some things to take care of first, and then I met them at their house, and showed Tammy and her daughter Brooke WAY more than they thought they'd see today.  (They wanted to see, so I showed them!)

Then, Tammy and I piled into Greg's truck and headed out for lunch.  We went to Texas Roadhouse and I ate like an idiot.  I was SO hungry.  I really ate too much.  I had chicken fried steak, sweet potato, salad and a beer, and it took four hours before I recovered.  So.Full.  We also had a good time laughing and I made Tammy cry (it was a good one, though) and she had Greg take us to a store I'd never heard of.

It had some cool stuff, and I'd be happy to tell you the name of it, if I remembered.  Let's just say it's that store beside the other store in that place with all the new stores.  In that one town.  West of here.  You know the place.

All in all, it was a fun day.  Driving home during the hottest part of the day with no a/c in the car is probably what did me in, but sitting in the a/c at home with a fan pointed at my recliner has me feeling good again.  I could go to sleep now, but I'm waiting a bit longer.  I have to keep a more regular schedule now that I'm back to work.

It feels SO good to feel so good.  Tiny, manageable aches and pains, but who doesn't have those?  I do find that, if I sleep in my bed at all, I wake up with my back screaming.  I spent 6 weeks sleeping in the recliner, and I have to ease back into sleeping in a real bed.  Weird huh?  Still, once I'm up and showered and moving, I feel normal.  Two days in a row!  Even better, no breakdown tonight!

Oh, and to answer some questions from comments:

• I have been researching the heck out of all the medications that are in my regimen.  I know the side effects, common and rare.  I'm ready.  *sigh*
• I have the numbing stuff to put over the port site, and plan to use it.  They accessed it once already to take blood, and it didn't hurt at all, and that was without the cream, so I don't expect problems that way.
• I will get anti-nausea meds prescribed, and maybe during treatment if necessary.  Everyone reacts differently to chemo, so until I've had that first treatment, we won't know what's necessary for me, but we'll be fully prepare for any of it.
• Yes, I know it's healthy to let myself cry.  I just am making sure that I don't slip into a funk.  I will allow myself short bursts of waah, but I will NOT let them become the norm.
• I appreciate the prayers and kind words.  They mean the world to me right now.  Thank you.