Flatulence

From dictionary.com:

flat⋅u⋅lent   [flach-uh-luhnt] Show IPA
–adjective
1. generating gas in the alimentary canal, as food.
2. attended with, caused by, or suffering from such an accumulation of gas.
3. having unsupported pretensions; inflated and empty; pompous; turgid: a flatulent style.

 

I know that "ladies" don't have gas.  I know that it's improper.  I know that there is NO way that any reader of mine would EVER admit to flatulence.

However:

In my house, it's a source of humor.  It's a sport.  We discuss not only the horrible smell, but also the sound that it makes.  Did it just talk to me?  What did it say?

That being said (I know that everyone has left by now, but that makes you liars and hypocrites) there are several types of farts:

Loud and obnoxious: "Yo!  I'm here and I must be heard!"

Quiet but heard: "Hey, sorry, but dinner was rough on me."

Silent but deadly: "Wow, did you hear that ass?  He's talking shit!"

OK, I'm out.  Just had to admit that I'm as wrong as you suspected.  I can't let my kids get away with anything, unless I embarrass them in the process!