No, I'm not sick, but if you remember, my PC was. I've done some online searching, and found a site that sounded like it had things spelled out. The problem is, I needed to do it on a weekend, and I was gone last weekend, so today was my chance.
The website that contained the helpful information was bleepingcomputer.com, which I found quite humorous, and it described my feelings to a T. In researching "antivirus 2009 removal" I found Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware, and it seemed to do more cleanup than anything else I'd tried.
I ran it more than once, even though the first time seems to have caught it all. I also ran Avast a few times, and it updated and found a thing or two new. I ran it more than once, too. So far, the computer is online and working normal so far.
I'm glad I didn't have to pay someone to fix a $200 computer. It seemed ludicrous to do so. I just hope that I'm right about it being fixed. If not, I'll try again. I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to working on my computer.