Monday, August 20, 2012

A Sense of Dread

Tomorrow is my blood work and Dr. appointment day.  Wednesday is my chemo day.  I noticed today that I am experiencing a sense of dread about this treatment.  That is new.  It's nagging at the back of my mind, and causing an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Nothing about this cancer trip has been fun.  Nothing has caused joy and celebration.  Still, each treatment has been a step toward completion.  It has just been something that I do...a part of my big deal.  Every other Wednesday, I go for chemo.

After the last time (my first Taxol treatment) causing such intense pain, though, I don't wanna go.  It could be completely different and not be so bad this time.  I realize this.  The first two A/C treatments were as expected, the third was a cake walk, and the fourth put me in the hospital.  That means that the first Taxol putting me down for 4 days does NOT mean the second one will.

It's such a short time.  The chemo portion of my treatment will all be over in 4-6 weeks.  I can do anything for 4-6 weeks.  I just don't like the feeling that it's leaving in my stomach.  I bet I'll feel a lot better when Wednesday comes and goes.  Once it's done, it's done.

You can't dread something that's over, right?  (:


Donna said...

Everything about this journey of yours has given me a sense of dread. I hate it. I want it to be me, not you, that it is happening to. Heck, I am tired all the time anyhow, and half my body already hurts. I probably wouldn't even notice the difference.
Unfortunately, I can't take it from you.

Drea said...

Wish I could take even a tiny part of this away from you. I'm gonna pray that you are pleasantly surprised at how easy chemo will be this week for you. You are in my thoughts, girlfriend. Love you!

Sherry said...

You have been so postive, keep your head up, praying for you.... hoping this to be a cake walk too or at least better than last time hugs, Sherry

Forty Pound Sack said...

It's it funny how you can be cruising along just fine that one awful thing happens and that's all you can think about? Hope it goes by fast for you, and no crappy stuff ~