Running Interference

Running interference is something that my Dad taught me as soon as I could drive. If you don't know how to do it properly, keep reading. If you think you know how to do it properly, keep reading, since you're probably wrong.

Maybe you're following someone because you don't know how to get there. Maybe they're following you for that same reason. Maybe one is hauling an oversized load, or driving a questionable vehicle, or having mechanical problems. Any of these will require "running interference."

Say you're the lead car, for whatever reason. Maintain a speed that will insure your wing man stays on your bumper. Don't get so far ahead that you encounter a yellow light, leaving your buddy stuck, wondering where you went. If you make this rookie mistake, pull over and wait. They'll get there, and they'll thank you.

If you're the tail car, don't get so far behind that the lead car has to read that previous paragraph. Stay on their ass. Get right up there, knowing that you need them. You DO need them. They're going to help you. They won't be so stupid as to stomp the brakes and cause issues. If they do, just punch them in the mouth.

Now, if you're on the interstate, the car in back can do a LOT to help run interference. If you need to change lanes, it is the responsibility of the tail car to change lanes first, and then go at a speed that allows the lead car to move over in front of you. This is important. It's even MORE important, however, that the lead car TAKES this cue, and moves over in front of you.

If you plan this in advance, there are things that need to be decided before you head out. You have to know what signals to use if trouble arises. If your wing man starts flashing his headlights, and you didn't discuss signals, you may think that he means "Hey, you're fabulous" while he really means "slow down, jerk."

Finally, we come to my point. Yeah, I have one. Honest! I had the opportunity tonight to run interference for a stranger. Oh, I've tried before, but most folks are too thick in the head to realize that they have this opportunity. If you've got the smokin' hot Neon for a wing-man, you got it made, baby. Most never realize this.

Today, I was behind a car who was OBVIOUSLY hating morons as much as I was. I almost ditched him, but decided to give it a whirl. I changed lanes and slowed, ever so slightly, to see what would happen. Dude was ALL OVER IT! For the rest of the 30 minutes that I spend on I-70, we could have been on Dancing With the Stars.

Beautiful. I hope I get to run with him again some day. If not, I'll just find a time to run interference for Dad or Kevin. They're the only other ones that get it. If there are others, I haven't had the opportunity. Most others are idiots.

I'm just sayin'.