You Just Gotta Laugh

I have fewer "good days" on this drug, and they hit this weekend. Granted, my good days now feel a lot like days when I had the flu, pre-cancer, but I can function.  I got tickled about something on Saturday night and laughed so hard that the girls thought I was crying.

Sunday morning, it happened again. Both girls and I laughed so hard that I nearly hurt myself. I realized, after all had calmed down, that I hadn't laughed that hard in over a month.  Later yesterday, Kevin and the girls were gone, so I went to see Mom and Dad.  As is typical for visiting them, there were quite a few laughs.

The past few days have made me realize that uninhibited, hard, tear-inducing laughter is something that cancer/chemo has stolen from me, and I think I miss it more than I miss my hair. I have two more days before my next round of chemo, and I plan to laugh every chance I get.

Having only four good days out of 14 will wake a person up to what is lacking.  Laughter has been seriously lacking around here.  I'll have to see what I can do about that.  This goof ball usually helps in that department, even when demanding my attention that is being directed at blogging.

Saturday Morning

I think I'm happy that my chemo schedule has my most painful two days landing on the weekend.  Sure, nobody would plan to spend their days off in a chair hurting, but at least it's not cutting into my paycheck!  I started the day with my pain meds, Claritin (which is supposed to help with the bone pain but doesn't seem to) and Prevacid.  Let's get this party goin'.

Kevin is working a half-day today.  Thank goodness for his OT right now.  Yesterday, it was $400 shelled out to fix the air conditioner.  Who knows what it will be tomorrow, but I'm thankful we were able to get it fixed.  As is typical, though, we got it fixed yesterday and do not need it today.  I have the windows open and need a lap blanket.  LOL  It'll be there next week when we're back in the high 80s, though.

Yesterday was the first high school football game here in our little town.  The girls are both playing in marching band, and I was hoping to make at least the first half, but couldn't do it.  The game hadn't been going very long when one of our players was seriously hurt (ankle, I believe) as reported by Monica via text message.  It makes me sick to my stomach and my family is praying for a speedy recovery for him.

I was asleep by the time the girls came home at half-time, and our Tigers were winning 42-0.  LOL  I haven't heard the final score, but sheesh.  Our offense must have been getting tired.  The next couple of games are away, I believe, so maybe I'll feel better in time for the next home game.  If so, I'll go grab Mom and take her with me.  Unless we can lure dad there with false promises of tractors.

I'm out of nonsense to bore you with, now.  Carry on with your weekend.  If you need me, I won't be hard to find.  Check the recliner.

And She's Back

After Sunday's crash and Monday's screaming bone pain, Tuesday was more tolerable.  My legs and lower back still hurt pretty darn bad, but it was tolerable and I could work.  My appetite was back, and I not only ate lunch, but also ate like crazy last night.

We're going to Mom's today for the fourth, so I'm glad to be feeling better.  I made pasta salad last night, and Kevin and I put together a fruit salad this morning.  We'll do hot dogs and brats, to minimize the time Kevin spends at the grill in the 100 degree heat.  Mom made a peach cobbler, and I've heard a rumor about potato salad.  Sounds like plenty of food, considering how few people will be there.  It's OK, though.  Leftovers are my friends.

I'm glad I've been keeping a chemo diary of sorts.  It helps me to know what to expect, and it gives me hope to know when my appetite returned last time, etc.  Otherwise, I think it would feel quite depressing during the five days or so that I don't want food.  I still get a headache every day, but it hasn't been as bad.  She said she'd cut the steroids further if this continued, so that will probably happen.  I'm kind of scared for her to do so, though, because the steroids are keeping me from being nauseous.

Oh well.  Like I said before, if a headache is the worst I have to deal with, I consider myself blessed.  I'll take some Advil and go enjoy my day.  We went a bit overboard with fireworks for the girls.  I think it's guilt on my part.  I feel like I've robbed my family of a summer, so I'm spoiling them when I can.  Because we'll have no vacation, no trips, and no amusement parks, I indulge them when an opportunity shows itself.  Eh.  It makes me feel better, ok?

Ready or Not

I only made it until 3:00 again today.  I get SO frustrated when I can't make it until 5:00.  By the same token, if I'd quit pushing it and leave around noon or 1:00, I could maybe come home, rest a bit, and then get some more work done from here.  As it is, I push as hard and as far as I can push and still safely drive the hour it takes me to get home, and by the time I get here, I can't move from the chair.

I did do dishes after an hour of rest, though.  There weren't all that many, but Kevin's been doing them almost exclusively, and I couldn't stand the thought of him coming home and seeing them dirty.  Too bad my kitchen is too small for a dishwasher.  Oh well, it's a 10 minute task to wash a sink full of dishes.  No biggie.  If one of the girls had been here, guess what SHE would have been doing.  LOL

Tomorrow is the day I have my first chemo treatment, if everything checks out with the oncologist.  I have an appointment with her at 9:30, and if she's happy with what she finds, I go straight downstairs for the first treatment.  They'll go half-speed the first time, watching closely for any bad reactions, so we'll be there for HOURS.

Kevin is going with me for the first treatment, just in case any of the aforementioned reactions happen, and after that I can go alone.  If I feel like I want company for future treatments, Natalie can go with me, or Mom has offered if needed.  I'm pretty good at entertaining myself with my trusty laptop, though, so we'll see.  I'll just be so glad to get this first one out of the way.  My PDAS kicks in full-blast when it's something I haven't done before.

I know what will happen and what to expect.  I've researched, talked to others who have been through it, and researched some more.  I haven't done it yet, though.  After this time, I'll know what my new normal consists of.  The unknown will be known, and we'll move on.

The Look Good, Feel Better Class

Going to something like a Look Good, Feel Better class is WAY outside of my comfort zone.  I'll go to a Mary Kay party or something, but that is usually at the home of someone I know, or I at least know several of the attendees.  This was me, going to find out how to take care of bad skin, bad nails, and a bare head (cancer is FUN) with a room full of people I don't know.  I also wear very light makeup, and figured the esthetician would push heavier makeup than I usually wear.

I had asked, when I scheduled the class, if one or both of my girls could attend with me.  They experiment with makeup a lot, and lately I am half useless without a second set of ears.  I was told that guests couldn't come because of patient confidentiality.  I completely understand that, so I set out on my own.  DEFINITELY outside my comfort zone.   I knew NOBODY in that little room.  Oh, and each of the other four attendees in the room had someone with them to help/observe.  I was the only one alone.

The two hour class lasted only an hour, because the person that teaches wigs, scarves, hats, buffs, etc. wasn't there.  That is 90% of the reason I wanted to go.  *sigh*  They did teach how to draw on eyebrows, which I will need.  I plan to teach Monica today so I'll have help when the time comes.  All of the skin care products, makeup, etc is donated, so everyone's kit was slightly different, but I bet each contained at least $150 worth of product.

Any time any of us mentioned something that we wouldn't use, the lady told us to take it for someone we knew (my girls will always try new makeup) or we could swap with each other.  Heck, two or three of the other ladies gave me several of their things when they found out I had teen girls at home.  Everyone was really sweet.

Things I didn't like:

• I could have taken someone, and was told I couldn't.  I would have been so much more comfortable with Monica or Natalie there.  I'm sure you aren't supposed to, and the others just didn't ask in advance, so they let them stay.
• The head covering lady didn't show.
• Some of the makeup is WAY dark or heavy for me.

Things I liked:

• The American Cancer Society offers these classes for free (and all over the city.)
• The products sent home are completely free, and are full-sized...not trial sizes.
• They will let you take the class multiple times, but you can only get one kit.  That means, I can attend another one later for the part they skipped.
• There were people there with far worse cancers than I have, or on their third recurrence, and it made me very thankful for where I am, physically.
• The girls will LOVE all the cool makeup products that they are going to inherit from this.
• I am always proud of myself when I do something that pushes my boundaries.

Obviously, the good far outweighs the bad.  It's an amazing program and I'd never say I'm sorry I went.  I will attend another class for the head-covering portion, I'm sure.  If you have someone in your life who finds out they are going to face chemo, make sure you tell them about this class.

Missing Girls and Sleeping Upright

My girls aren't really missing, but I was thinking about the name of mom's most recent blog post.  The girls are, however, both gone.  At 9:30, Natalie walked in and announced that she wanted to spend the night at a friend's house down the street and friend's mom said OK.  Why not?  Then Monica felt left out, so she contacted her usual hang-out house and headed over there for the night.  Welcome to summer in my house.

I was talking on a message board to another lady who has had her JP drain nearly 5 weeks (her surgery was the same day as mine,) and she said that she found out that it would drain less overnight if she slept sitting up more.  I've been sleeping in the recliner based on other recommendations, but when I wake up, I'm usually reclined back as far as it will go.  She tried sleeping upright and is getting her drain pulled tomorrow.

I'm trying to form a plan that will keep this reclining from happening.  I asked Monica to sit behind the chair all night and hold it up, but she declined.  Come to think of it, perhaps that's why she left for the night?  At this point, I'm willing to give anything a shot.  If I wake up lying back too far, I may choose the corner of the couch tomorrow, instead of the recliner.

OK, Monica has called to tell me she made it OK.  The distraction of typing this blog post worked.  Have a fabulous week!