Chemo Treatment Number One

Disclaimers:

• This is a freaking LONG post.  A lot of people wanted details, and boy oh boy did I give details.  You won't hurt my feelings if you bail early.
• There is a TINY amount of blood showing in my port access tube in one shot.  TINY.  However, you blood wussies have been warned.
• There is a shot of a HUGE syringe full of one of my chemo meds that just happens to be red.  I promise you, I would NOT spring a picture of that much blood on you, after warning you about the tiny bit in the other shot.
• My "cleavage" shows, but it's mostly shirt and post-mastectomy sports bra, so don't get your hopes up, pervs.  Takes all the fun out of it, doesn't it?
• These images will not show up on FB.  Not because I don't want to show them there, but because I don't want to type captions.  I'll link to this post there, though.

Today was the day.  I woke up and decided I wasn't going to go through with it, but Kevin made me get up and shower, so we went.  Once again, I was having a major panic attack this morning, and I'm pretty sure Kevin was having a minor one at the same time.  I had forgotten to pack a "chemo bag," so I worked on that this morning.  It was good to have something to occupy my time until we left at 8:30.

At 9, I was to put the numbing cream on my port and cover it with a square of plastic wrap, so I did that in the truck.  LOL  From now on, I'm driving myself to and from treatment, so I may have to rethink that plan, huh?  We got there, and I made 17 trips to the bathroom.  First of all, I'm supposed to push water.  A LOT of water.  I hate water, but I do what doctors tell me to do.  The nerves probably didn't help that situation much, either.

As with all nerves brought on by a new medical experience, I was perfectly fine as soon as the doctor walked in.  She asked questions, made sure to find out if we had any (we had a few, and she answered them to our satisfaction.)  Everything looked good, so she announced that I'd be staying for chemo.  Good.  Another wait may have pushed me over the edge.

I think part of it is the fact that I don't get sick.  I don't take pills.  I don't go to hospitals.  Heck, I don't even get headaches (until lately.)  I've gone from that to this horrible disease that requires horrible treatment which causes horrible side effects.  I guess I don't do anything halfway.  This is my new daily life:

No.  I do NOT take all of those every day.  However, I must travel with most of them.  When I walk into work, my bag sounds like I'm hauling in maracas!  (Mental note: Suggest mariachi Mondays at work tomorrow.)  Anyway, although most of the above are  "as needed," I sometimes need them.  So far, I haven't needed prescription pain medication more than 1-2 times a week at most.  I just don't know what my side effects will deem necessary.

OK, enough of the downer!  My first chemo day was fine.  Parts were actually fun and funny, thanks to an amazing husband making inappropriate jokes and an amazing nurse who explained everything so well that it kept me at ease.  Thanks to the numbing cream, I didn't even know when she accessed my port.  These things were on the cabinet, waiting for me:

The two small vials are for blood draws to check my levels and make sure I'm OK for chemo.  Because they had to wait for the lab to get back to them with the results, Marie (the nurse) asked if we'd like to go downstairs and get something to eat.  That sounded like an amazing plan, except that I had the tubes hanging from my port, waiting for chemo.  She said, "Just drop that down your shirt and go on down."  You can't tell me that, and not expect me to have fun with it:

If it wasn't funny enough that I stuffed it in my bra in my cleavage, we got a real good laugh of the fact that I only have HALF of what you could call cleavage.  The other side was PURCHASED by me, so I guess it's mine, as the implant will be.  So yeah, we'll say cleavage.  LOL  We went on our adventure downstairs to the hospital cafe, and had a really great lunch for under $10 total for the two of us!  (Tight Wad.  Party of two.)

When we got back, it was time to get going.  She hung a bag of (I think) saline, and a small bag of non chemo drugs.  I don't remember what all of them were for, but at least one was for nausea and one was a steroid.  Here is my little starter pack:

At this point, the meds were almost gone.  After each infusion is complete, more of the fluid is injected to "flush" the port.  That's why the large bag.  I didn't even use half of it by the time I left, though.  Then, it was time to get started on the poison chemo.  The Adriamycin is given with two large syringes so they can keep a super close eye on it.  They alternate a few CCs of it and a bit of saline.  I told her I was worried her hand would cramp.  LOL  I'm showing it below, but the drug is red.  That is NOT blood!

When that was done and the port was flushed, it was time for the Cytoxan.  It can hang on the IV pole, so Marie got to rest her hands.  Actually, she was probably in another room doing the same thing for someone else.  Poor thing.  Here I am while finishing up.  Yes, the room was small:

I was playing online.  If you know me well, and have been to my house or followed any images of me, you may be having a nagging feeling that this looks VERY familiar to you.  I can explain that.  I had Natalie take a pictures of me while doing this blog post:

Take away the blanket (we turned our ac off last night) and the IV pole, and I was at home!  Oh, the blanket!  That is ONE thing I forgot to take, which is the only reason I regret not packing my chemo bag earlier in the week.  One of my many distant friends who have sent me amazing packages (seriously, you guys BLOW me away...and kinda make me cry like a girl a little bit...I gotta work on that,) sent the following that she made for me, just for chemo treatments!

She explained her design in her very touching note.  "Zebra print, because you're so "wild & crazy"; pink hearts, because we love you."  It is DEFINITELY ready for my next appointment.  The blankets they have there sucked.  May as well give me a sheet.

Finally, if you made it this long without falling asleep or passing out (that last part was for the wussies,) I will give out a parting laugh.  As we exited the office after my visit was complete, we saw this in the hallway.  I think you can read it if you click on it:

Kevin said, very simply, "Hmmm.  I sure hope those boxes are empty."

Ready or Not

I only made it until 3:00 again today.  I get SO frustrated when I can't make it until 5:00.  By the same token, if I'd quit pushing it and leave around noon or 1:00, I could maybe come home, rest a bit, and then get some more work done from here.  As it is, I push as hard and as far as I can push and still safely drive the hour it takes me to get home, and by the time I get here, I can't move from the chair.

I did do dishes after an hour of rest, though.  There weren't all that many, but Kevin's been doing them almost exclusively, and I couldn't stand the thought of him coming home and seeing them dirty.  Too bad my kitchen is too small for a dishwasher.  Oh well, it's a 10 minute task to wash a sink full of dishes.  No biggie.  If one of the girls had been here, guess what SHE would have been doing.  LOL

Tomorrow is the day I have my first chemo treatment, if everything checks out with the oncologist.  I have an appointment with her at 9:30, and if she's happy with what she finds, I go straight downstairs for the first treatment.  They'll go half-speed the first time, watching closely for any bad reactions, so we'll be there for HOURS.

Kevin is going with me for the first treatment, just in case any of the aforementioned reactions happen, and after that I can go alone.  If I feel like I want company for future treatments, Natalie can go with me, or Mom has offered if needed.  I'm pretty good at entertaining myself with my trusty laptop, though, so we'll see.  I'll just be so glad to get this first one out of the way.  My PDAS kicks in full-blast when it's something I haven't done before.

I know what will happen and what to expect.  I've researched, talked to others who have been through it, and researched some more.  I haven't done it yet, though.  After this time, I'll know what my new normal consists of.  The unknown will be known, and we'll move on.

Jaxson Update and a Long Weekend

I have to report to the nurse (Terri...we love her) every week or so with the amounts that Jaxson is producing.  If there was some big change, I would have reported in more frequently, but we hovered around 50cc for three weeks.  Seriously, it became so predictable and SO depressing.  I usually sent this info via email.  

I had to call her to get a refill on my antibiotics last Wednesday, so she said, "I know you emailed, but give me your numbers again."  I reported the 50cc per day that it ALWAYS is.  I also mentioned that it had been five weeks, and they said the record for that office was seven weeks.  She said, "Yeah, it's been long enough I'd like for you to come in.  At lease let us check for infection, etc.  How about Friday?"

I went in Friday and the Doctor came in and checked me over and expressed that he wasn't happy with the fact that the drain had been in so long (infection can set in, or the drain itself can cause drainage to continue,) but taking it out too soon can cause the fluid to pool under the skin and require aspiration with a needle every day or two, which, obviously, would be a hassle, so it's a balancing act.  They have determined that the magic number is 30cc.  At 30cc, it is believed that your body can reabsorb the lymphatic fluid, which is why they try SO hard to get it down to 30cc or less, two days in a row.

Back to the doctor's visit:  He talked it out with Terri, checking me over while I was in various positions to see if there was fluid buildup under the skin, even with the drain.  He determined there was not.  He stripped the tube, and it immediately filled again.  I knew it would, because it does every time I strip it, but he looked at Terri and asked, "Did you see that?"  Then he told me that if the drainage was slowing down, it should stay empty for a while after being stripped.

The decision was made to try a different and tighter compression.  They think that will make me heal more quickly (by holding the parts together that need to heal together,) and therefore not produce so much more fluid than my body can handle.  The way they are having me do this is to roll up some Kerlix (very soft gauze) into a roll about 2" or so in diameter and put it in my arm pit on the surgical side.  Then, a 6" ACE bandage is wrapped around me tightly, and as high as it can be and still be under my arms.  It is tighter than the previous wrap, too.  

The next morning showed a 24 output of 80cc.  WHAT???  That's MORE!  I calmed down when I realized that the Dr. had messed with me a LOT, the drain had been stripped more than usual, etc.  Breathe in, breathe out, calm down.  I only empty once per day now, first thing in the morning, so I can officially report that Saturday and Sunday's output (based on Sunday and Monday morning's measurements) have been 40cc.  

I haven't reached the magic number 30 yet, but there is a decrease for the first time in three and a half weeks.  That is encouraging.  I am to call Terri tomorrow and report these amounts.  She'll talk to the doc and they'll decide what to do.  I need to have 30cc or less, two days in a row.  

I'm just hoping and praying that tomorrow morning's number is 30.  If so, then maybe they'll help me start my divorce proceedings from Jaxson.  I'm all done with having him in my life.  LOL  Especially since I'm returning to work tomorrow.  What a hassle it's going to be to have him with me.  I wonder if I should dress him in a little outfit?  Thanks for that suggestion, Shannon.  Now I can't picture him any other way.  Sheesh.  

NO, coworkers.  He will NOT be dressed.  In fact, he hides under MY clothing, so you will not even get to meet him.  It's for the best.  He'll hopefully be out of my life soon, and it's best if you don't get attached.  LOL  Get it?  Attached?  Never mind.  I'm just ready for him to be UN attached from me.

Now that this post has become WAY too long, I shall not rehash my Memorial Day weekend in detail.  Here are the Cliffs Notes:  Kevin's BFF Brian and his son Ty came up, I met a cool new family, we grilled, we ate, we saw my parents and my cousin, and, ummm, oh yeah, cut all my hair off.  If you aren't on Facebook, I'll post about that in my next post.  Both people who started reading this post are now sleeping.  Shh.  Don't WAKE them!