We were hit with a foot of snow on Thursday. At some points it was snowing 2-3" per hour. There was no way I'd get home, so when they closed the lab at 10:00, my employer put me and three coworkers up at a nearby hotel. It was total insanity. The three of them had to push my car as often as it moved under it's own power. By last night, I was super happy to be at home.
Monica was supposed to go to Mizzou (in Columbia, MO) for a band event tomorrow. They were to rehearse tomorrow, sleep in a dorm, rehearse Monday and then perform Monday night. The other girl invited is a friend of Monica's and her mother was going to transport them. There is now another snow storm heading this way and it is supposed to hit Monday evening. This made us very nervous so I was happy when they called a bit ago and told us they were postponing it.
A week from today, I'll be in Texas visiting Brooke. I'm travelling with my friend Tammy, who is visiting her son in San Antonio while I hang with Brooke a couple of hours away. Then we'll travel home together. I'm super excited. We'll get back on Monday afternoon, and then I'm off work Tuesday for doctor's appointments. The annual visits are approaching and I'm getting more nervous by the day.
I know two people who have gone through breast cancer treatment at the same time as me and who have recently found out they have metastatic cancer. Both have it in their bones and one of them in her lungs, too. This freaks me out hardcore. There is nothing I can do except stay vigilant with exams and report anything new that pops up. That, and enjoy every minute of every day. I try my best not to dwell on the what-ifs, but my mind still goes there several times a day.
NASCAR is back for another season, starting with the running of the Daytona 500 tomorrow. My family can utter a collective groan, but I'm thrilled. It makes everyone happy that we have two TVs in the house. Combine this season starter with the new season of Duck Dynasty starting on Wednesday and you have one happy redneck chick right here.
Wow, that was a lot of subject hopping. I guess maybe I should update more often and that wouldn't happen, but that's what's going through my mind this afternoon.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Approaching an Anniversary
It's February. One month from today is a grim anniversary for me. One month from today is the day when I got the call with the results of my biopsy. A lot has happened in the past year. This isn't a cancerversary post, though. It just crossed my mind as I was doing my PT stretches this morning.
Physical therapy is going well. That perky little therapist puts the hurt on me every Tuesday and Thursday, but I can really tell that it's working. She told me that she is impressed with my progress and can really tell that I'm doing my work at home because my range of motion is improved already. The hard ridge of muscle that was so visibly apparent in front of my shoulder is disappearing.
After last week's travel, it's nice to have a lazy Saturday morning. Monica and I watched ABC Family movies and relaxed all morning. That's my idea of paradise. All of this while Kevin worked a half day for some OT. I love his job and I love his willingness to put in a few extra hours to help with bills. Truth be told, though, his OT today is probably directly related to an event that is happening next weekend.
In the mean time, I'm going to relax, maybe do some laundry, visit my parents, and watch silly movies. Yup. This is my kind of weekend. The no-pressure kind.
Physical therapy is going well. That perky little therapist puts the hurt on me every Tuesday and Thursday, but I can really tell that it's working. She told me that she is impressed with my progress and can really tell that I'm doing my work at home because my range of motion is improved already. The hard ridge of muscle that was so visibly apparent in front of my shoulder is disappearing.
After last week's travel, it's nice to have a lazy Saturday morning. Monica and I watched ABC Family movies and relaxed all morning. That's my idea of paradise. All of this while Kevin worked a half day for some OT. I love his job and I love his willingness to put in a few extra hours to help with bills. Truth be told, though, his OT today is probably directly related to an event that is happening next weekend.
In the mean time, I'm going to relax, maybe do some laundry, visit my parents, and watch silly movies. Yup. This is my kind of weekend. The no-pressure kind.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Physical Therapy and Work Travel
Today was my first appointment for physical therapy. I was assigned an occupational therapist named Melanie. She spent an hour with me doing measurements, taking a history, and just discussing my case with me. I really like her a lot, which is a good thing, since I'll be seeing her twice a week through February.
She confirmed that the issue in my shoulder is muscular and not scar tissue build-up. That is very good news and easier to fix. The inner workings of my shoulder all seem to be just fine and fully functioning. The pectoral muscle, where it attaches to my shoulder, is just super tight and needs to slowly be stretched until my range of motion comes back.
She said that the "no pain/no gain" method would NOT apply in my case. (Phew!) She said that slow and easy is the ticket and my at-home exercises attest to that. She wants me to find a way to sleep that helps me avoid rolling over onto that side, since that's probably where a lot of my pain is coming from. I often wake up on that side, with my shoulder practically screaming. She gave me some creative pillow-propping ideas that I'll implement tonight.
Meanwhile, back in my real life, I have been asked to go to Atlanta for the weekend to visit some potential customers. I had to get that cleared with my physical therapist (there is a risk of lymphedema when you've had nodes removed, and flying can increase that risk in some people,) who wanted it cleared with my oncologist, who said it was OK but to check with my surgeon, who said it was OK. heh heh That was a lot of phone calls! I'm glad to know that they don't feel I'm going to cause any issues by going, though.
So I'll fly out midday on Saturday and come home on Sunday evening. A quick turn-around trip for sure. I'll make sure to do my exercises in the hotel room to keep my recovery moving in the right direction. Everyone involved agrees with my plastic surgeon that we need this fixed before my surgery. I'm all for anything that helps my recovery when that time comes.
She confirmed that the issue in my shoulder is muscular and not scar tissue build-up. That is very good news and easier to fix. The inner workings of my shoulder all seem to be just fine and fully functioning. The pectoral muscle, where it attaches to my shoulder, is just super tight and needs to slowly be stretched until my range of motion comes back.
She said that the "no pain/no gain" method would NOT apply in my case. (Phew!) She said that slow and easy is the ticket and my at-home exercises attest to that. She wants me to find a way to sleep that helps me avoid rolling over onto that side, since that's probably where a lot of my pain is coming from. I often wake up on that side, with my shoulder practically screaming. She gave me some creative pillow-propping ideas that I'll implement tonight.
Meanwhile, back in my real life, I have been asked to go to Atlanta for the weekend to visit some potential customers. I had to get that cleared with my physical therapist (there is a risk of lymphedema when you've had nodes removed, and flying can increase that risk in some people,) who wanted it cleared with my oncologist, who said it was OK but to check with my surgeon, who said it was OK. heh heh That was a lot of phone calls! I'm glad to know that they don't feel I'm going to cause any issues by going, though.
So I'll fly out midday on Saturday and come home on Sunday evening. A quick turn-around trip for sure. I'll make sure to do my exercises in the hotel room to keep my recovery moving in the right direction. Everyone involved agrees with my plastic surgeon that we need this fixed before my surgery. I'm all for anything that helps my recovery when that time comes.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Livin' Life
I spend most of my time working and living day-to-day life. Just like everyone else does. I think about cancer and my mortality 5 or 6 times a day, instead of nonstop. It's getting better. I made a commitment to live life to it's fullest and stop putting things off. So far, I feel like I'm doing that as much as possible. I have to work for a living, so it's not a 24/7 party, but I'm making an effort to enjoy things daily.
Tonight I watched my "little" girl walk across the gym as the freshman candidate for courtwarming queen.
I put "little" in quotes because she is at LEAST an inch taller than me, and only 15 years old. *sigh*
The courtwarming festivities are between the girl's and boy's games, and the girl's game started at 5:30. I get off work at 5 and work an hour from here, so I knew I wouldn't see the whole first game, but I figured we'd go as soon as I got home. Natalie took her clothes, makeup, brush, and other accessories to school, and Monica agreed to help her get ready.
I got home around 6 and Kevin and I headed the four blocks to the school. We had to park out back, because the cars were spilling out of the lot into the street. We paid admission and walked toward the gym. Uh oh. The doorways were filled with people who couldn't find a seat. Crap. I was afraid I'd miss seeing Natalie walk.
We finally agreed that we'd sit on the visitor's side, if necessary, even though the candidates would be facing the other way. And that's what we wound up doing. Visitor's side or not, we were surrounded by Tiger's fans. The place was packed.
I got to see Monica playing in jazz band during halftime, and then watched the second half of the girl's game. It was a major blowout. We kicked their butts. I almost felt sorry for the opposing team. Almost. The jazz band sounded awesome, and I reminded myself that I know most of those kids up there. I love living in a small town.
Finally, they announced the candidates, two by two. It was so cool to see Natalie walk with the others. A senior won queen and a senior won king. Nobody was hugely surprised or disappointed. Natalie stepped out of her comfort zone and it went great.
I love my kids. All four of them. I'm so happy to be where I am in life. Life is good.
Tonight I watched my "little" girl walk across the gym as the freshman candidate for courtwarming queen.
I put "little" in quotes because she is at LEAST an inch taller than me, and only 15 years old. *sigh*
The courtwarming festivities are between the girl's and boy's games, and the girl's game started at 5:30. I get off work at 5 and work an hour from here, so I knew I wouldn't see the whole first game, but I figured we'd go as soon as I got home. Natalie took her clothes, makeup, brush, and other accessories to school, and Monica agreed to help her get ready.
I got home around 6 and Kevin and I headed the four blocks to the school. We had to park out back, because the cars were spilling out of the lot into the street. We paid admission and walked toward the gym. Uh oh. The doorways were filled with people who couldn't find a seat. Crap. I was afraid I'd miss seeing Natalie walk.
We finally agreed that we'd sit on the visitor's side, if necessary, even though the candidates would be facing the other way. And that's what we wound up doing. Visitor's side or not, we were surrounded by Tiger's fans. The place was packed.
I got to see Monica playing in jazz band during halftime, and then watched the second half of the girl's game. It was a major blowout. We kicked their butts. I almost felt sorry for the opposing team. Almost. The jazz band sounded awesome, and I reminded myself that I know most of those kids up there. I love living in a small town.
Finally, they announced the candidates, two by two. It was so cool to see Natalie walk with the others. A senior won queen and a senior won king. Nobody was hugely surprised or disappointed. Natalie stepped out of her comfort zone and it went great.
I love my kids. All four of them. I'm so happy to be where I am in life. Life is good.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Lost: 1 Debit Card. In the Vicinity of my Recliner
Friday evening, Monica went to Subway to buy dinner. I sent my debit card with her for payment. She stopped at the McDonald's drive-thru to get Kami a happy meal. While she was there, she dropped my debit card between the seat and the console. She told me that factoid when she called to tell me she was headed home.
When she came in, she had a happy meal, three subway sandwiches, change (from the cash she used at McDonald's,) her keys, and her purse. "I found your debit card!" she said. At that point, she swears she handed it to me, and I kinda remember her doing so. Kinda.
Saturday, the girls spent all day in Concordia with the I-70 Conference Band. They always end that day with a concert, so Kevin, Kami and I headed there to watch. It was short and sweet and enjoyable. We then stopped at Biffle's BBQ for dinner. So did other folks from here, so there were folks there that we knew. When it came time to pay, I opened my wallet and sucked air in that "Oh my gosh, this is horrifying" sort of way. No debit card.
It wasn't long before I realized that it MUST be at home, near the recliner, because that's where I was when Monica handed it to me. Kevin paid for dinner and we came home. I looked around the recliner. I looked under the recliner. I felt inside the recliner. Nothing. I went to bed knowing that it was somewhere in this house, so nobody could get their hands on it.
This morning, we moved furniture away from the walls and searched again. We searched harder than I had the night before, but had no luck. I just decided that I'd have to cancel it on Monday and wait for another one. That also meant that Kevin was stuck going to the store with us, because someone had to pay and I had no debit card.
Monica was with a friend instead of us, and when the rest of us made our final stop of the day (Wal-Mart,) she sent me a text. It read, "Your debit card is in my purse." I replied:
"Yay!" and then:
"You're DEAD!"
How we both remembered something that didn't happen is beyond me, but I still swear that she handed it to me on Friday night.
When she came in, she had a happy meal, three subway sandwiches, change (from the cash she used at McDonald's,) her keys, and her purse. "I found your debit card!" she said. At that point, she swears she handed it to me, and I kinda remember her doing so. Kinda.
Saturday, the girls spent all day in Concordia with the I-70 Conference Band. They always end that day with a concert, so Kevin, Kami and I headed there to watch. It was short and sweet and enjoyable. We then stopped at Biffle's BBQ for dinner. So did other folks from here, so there were folks there that we knew. When it came time to pay, I opened my wallet and sucked air in that "Oh my gosh, this is horrifying" sort of way. No debit card.
It wasn't long before I realized that it MUST be at home, near the recliner, because that's where I was when Monica handed it to me. Kevin paid for dinner and we came home. I looked around the recliner. I looked under the recliner. I felt inside the recliner. Nothing. I went to bed knowing that it was somewhere in this house, so nobody could get their hands on it.
This morning, we moved furniture away from the walls and searched again. We searched harder than I had the night before, but had no luck. I just decided that I'd have to cancel it on Monday and wait for another one. That also meant that Kevin was stuck going to the store with us, because someone had to pay and I had no debit card.
Monica was with a friend instead of us, and when the rest of us made our final stop of the day (Wal-Mart,) she sent me a text. It read, "Your debit card is in my purse." I replied:
"Yay!" and then:
"You're DEAD!"
How we both remembered something that didn't happen is beyond me, but I still swear that she handed it to me on Friday night.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
An Open Letter of Hatred
Dear Cancer,
I hate you. I sometimes throw the word "hate" around like most people do. "I hate generic cola." Hate is actually a strong emotion that I try not to feel very often. You, however, seem to be able to bring it out in me.
You've robbed me of a year of my life, and I'm not done yet. You stole my breast, my energy, my hair, and my sense of well-being. You even stole my dignity several times. You cost me more money than I could possibly have come up with on my own. You kept me from family events and kid's concerts and ball games.
Every time your name comes up, it brings devastation to the faces of anyone in ear-shot. Nothing good ever comes from a conversation that starts out "Guess who has cancer." Nothing. This year, you even found a way to torment a few people for a second time. Way to go! You must be so proud.
I found out this morning that you took Bob. Bob was my friend, you shitball disease. While Bob isn't currently in pain, everyone who knew him is hurting more than we thought possible. We'll go on. We'll say that we defeated you by moving on and living life, but you continue to leave scars...inside and out.
I hate you.
I hate you. I sometimes throw the word "hate" around like most people do. "I hate generic cola." Hate is actually a strong emotion that I try not to feel very often. You, however, seem to be able to bring it out in me.
You've robbed me of a year of my life, and I'm not done yet. You stole my breast, my energy, my hair, and my sense of well-being. You even stole my dignity several times. You cost me more money than I could possibly have come up with on my own. You kept me from family events and kid's concerts and ball games.
Every time your name comes up, it brings devastation to the faces of anyone in ear-shot. Nothing good ever comes from a conversation that starts out "Guess who has cancer." Nothing. This year, you even found a way to torment a few people for a second time. Way to go! You must be so proud.
I found out this morning that you took Bob. Bob was my friend, you shitball disease. While Bob isn't currently in pain, everyone who knew him is hurting more than we thought possible. We'll go on. We'll say that we defeated you by moving on and living life, but you continue to leave scars...inside and out.
I hate you.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
It's a Date!
I have a date for surgery! May 23. I have a surgery date on May 23. I am ready for it to happen, and I'm glad to have a date. I'm freaking out a bit, but not for any particular reason. There have been many studies about PTSD after cancer. I don't claim that label, but I sure know where they are coming from. 90% of the time, I am fine. 10% of the time, I'm a basket case.
Anyway, I have surgery in Shawnee Mission, Kansas on May 23, and will be back to work the following week. Let's go. I'm tired of waiting. I keep chanting "May 23" because I'm happy to have a date. Between now and then, I have many appointments. There is one day in March that I have so many appointments that I had to take a vacation day!
Until May 23, I will just keep on keepin' on. Wake up, walk the treadmill, shower, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed...rinse, repeat. Just a few more months.
May 23.
Anyway, I have surgery in Shawnee Mission, Kansas on May 23, and will be back to work the following week. Let's go. I'm tired of waiting. I keep chanting "May 23" because I'm happy to have a date. Between now and then, I have many appointments. There is one day in March that I have so many appointments that I had to take a vacation day!
Until May 23, I will just keep on keepin' on. Wake up, walk the treadmill, shower, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed...rinse, repeat. Just a few more months.
May 23.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)