Sunday, May 6, 2012

Thankful, with a Side of Angry

My workmates have been amazing.  They sent over pre-prepared meals with preparation instructions.  They sent cards.  They sent Lee and Michelle (two of my favorite people.)  They hooked me up.

Yesterday, My BFF Tammy took me out for the day.  We got Cinco de Mayo fajitas and a huge mango margarita to share.  I think I had more than my share.  After that, we got pedicures.  That was a first for me, and it was fun, relaxing, and an all new adventure.  It was fun.

Later, Lee and Michelle (and their son Jake) showed up with pizza for dinner, and a cooler full of other meals, prepared by my coworkers.  Coolest concept EVER.  Everything has full instructions and is perfect.  It was an amazing visit with many surprises, and so cool.  However, it was a lot for one day.

Today, I was so exhausted that I could barely get out of the shower.  I slept, took meds, slept, missed a race, slept, took meds, slept, etc.  I was thankful that my family let me sleep all I needed to, but it doesn't explain why I woke up so angry.

There was a storm blowing, lightening flashing, and rain pouring.  However, I saw our trash bag going through the neighbor's yard (nice neighbor, not crazy neighbor) and had to go after it.  It started sounding more ominous and I just started laughing.  It beat the HELL out of crying.

I found out I had cancer four days before my birthday.  I'm unable to return to work before mother's day, although I was sure I would make it happen.  Satan drain (sorry, I mean Jaxson) is preventing it.  Meanwhile, I sit here, unable to do anything involving more than three pounds, sleep a lot, try to be funny, and cry when nobody is looking.

Thanks to all of you that are helping.  Sorry to the same people that I'm being such a friggin' girl.  If I do not see you before the chemo starts winning, I'll paint "I'm sorry" on the side of my bald head, OK?  If that's not enough, then YOU suck as much as cancer.

I'm just sayin'.  I double-dog-dare you to try to scare me.  Go ahead.  Try it.



Donna said...

What? I am supposed to disown my baby girl? The most loving baby I ever met? Not on your life. I am so happy with your staging that nothing will bring me down. See you on Thursday.

Jim said...


The way you have handled your diagnosis and treatments this far has been admirable. You really need to stop apologizing.

Anybody that can fault you for being emotional is an asshat.

Rachel said...

Actually, most people who think I should be handling it differently think that I'm taking it "too well." Long story, but I really don't care what reaction people want anymore.