I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon today. I was hoping to ditch the sling, once and for all. That isn't what happened, though. He said there is a 1.5" area of the incision on the radiated side that didn't heal around the deep sutures. It looks fine on the outside, but he can tell by feeling that it's not holding together in there. Apparently, I'm only held together by skin in that spot. So I'm still in a sling, and I have to go back to the surgery center tomorrow.
They'll sedate me into a "twilight" state and open it up, irrigate it, and redo the deep sutures. I should be able to go back to work on Friday, but I'll be in the sling for a while longer for sure.
I'm not scared and it's not a major procedure, but I was VERY angry at first. Angry to the point of crying all the way back to work. I am SO tired of the whole ordeal. I don't want surgeries, procedures, or even Dr. visits! I want to be DONE.
I am in a better place now than I was when he first told me, though. I am thankful that he is so thorough and there are far worse things in life than wearing a sling. I have one of the best plastic surgeons around and he will take good care of me. I trust him completely.
I'll leave home around 9 tomorrow morning, get there by 10:30, and my surgery is scheduled for noon. I'm an add-in, though, so I'm going to try to be as patient as possible. Breathe in, breathe out.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Who's in Charge Here?
I work hard every day. Kevin works hard, too. We buy dog food, fill water dishes, protect our pets from extreme weather, and shower them with love and affection. We are doting pet owners. We do everything we can to ensure they have a happy and healthy life. What do they bring to the table? Entertainment and loyalty and....well, and nothing else.
They wake us at ungodly hours and bark when we wish they'd shut up and shed all over my house and smell bad and I could go on and on. Why do I have dogs? I have NO idea why I'm so in love with these hair-balls. Still, as one-sided as this relationship is, Susie feels that she runs the show.
I've never had a dog that expresses her wants and needs this well. You are never in doubt what she wants. She spins in front of her desired door. Front door spinning? She wants to go potty. Back door spinning? She wants out to play with Radar, or wants the boys to come in. Side door spinning? She wants to be fed. It's easy.
In fact, when she's ready for bed, she goes to the bedroom. However, she's only happy going to bed in both Kevin and I go to bed. He goes to bed ridiculously early, and wakes ridiculously early. I go to bed much later and wake much later. This ticks her off. A lot.
I get home, Kevin is asleep, and I start watching TV and maybe having a beer. Susie starts spinning in front of the bedroom door. I ignore her. She hops on my lap and then runs back to the bedroom door. Yeah, I get it, Susie. You want to go to bed. Not yet. She sighs.
Finally, she's lying on the couch, pouting, and sighs heavily every 10 minutes or so. It's funny, but annoying. When I finally go to bed, she runs in there with me and assumes that I FINALLY got the idea. Stupid humans, right? It makes me realize that SHE is often in charge. She doesn't work, she doesn't take care of the house, she doesn't clean, and she doesn't contribute in any way (other than companionship) to this household. But she is running this show.
She wins. Goodnight.
They wake us at ungodly hours and bark when we wish they'd shut up and shed all over my house and smell bad and I could go on and on. Why do I have dogs? I have NO idea why I'm so in love with these hair-balls. Still, as one-sided as this relationship is, Susie feels that she runs the show.
I've never had a dog that expresses her wants and needs this well. You are never in doubt what she wants. She spins in front of her desired door. Front door spinning? She wants to go potty. Back door spinning? She wants out to play with Radar, or wants the boys to come in. Side door spinning? She wants to be fed. It's easy.
In fact, when she's ready for bed, she goes to the bedroom. However, she's only happy going to bed in both Kevin and I go to bed. He goes to bed ridiculously early, and wakes ridiculously early. I go to bed much later and wake much later. This ticks her off. A lot.
I get home, Kevin is asleep, and I start watching TV and maybe having a beer. Susie starts spinning in front of the bedroom door. I ignore her. She hops on my lap and then runs back to the bedroom door. Yeah, I get it, Susie. You want to go to bed. Not yet. She sighs.
Finally, she's lying on the couch, pouting, and sighs heavily every 10 minutes or so. It's funny, but annoying. When I finally go to bed, she runs in there with me and assumes that I FINALLY got the idea. Stupid humans, right? It makes me realize that SHE is often in charge. She doesn't work, she doesn't take care of the house, she doesn't clean, and she doesn't contribute in any way (other than companionship) to this household. But she is running this show.
She wins. Goodnight.
Monday, June 17, 2013
What Happened to Your Arm?
I am asked this question several times a day. If you see someone with their arm in a sling, you assume they have injured their arm. If it's someone who knows that I spent the past year fighting breast cancer, I answer, "Nothing. My plastic surgeon wants me to avoid using that side for a while."
Sometimes, though, it's someone I barely know, or only know via the phone at work. If I meet a customer face-to-face for the first time and they ask, "What did you do to your arm?" I try to answer halfway and let it go. If you tell someone "I had breast cancer and just had step 2 of the reconstruction process and radiated tissue can be tricky when it comes to healing so I need to limit the use of the pectoral muscles on the left side for a few weeks to give my body an advantage and...." you see where this goes into the realm of Do They Really Need All That Information? pretty quickly.
It makes people feel like they should say, "Oh no! How are you doing? What stage? Are you OK now?" or even worse, it makes them completely uncomfortable and they look down and regret asking why my arm is in a sling. I hate making people feel uncomfortable, and cancer has an amazing ability to do that.
Today a coworker answered the question for me by saying, "Her arm is fine, but she got a new boob." The guy who asked looked puzzled and asked, "Is the sling holding it on?" I nearly died laughing. I enjoy working around people who have the same sense of humor that I have. This is someone who we know quite well and she knew she could get away with it. Hopefully, I'll get rid of the sling on Wednesday and people can stop asking.
On a side note, the question is sometimes, "Wow! You really changed your hair!" heh heh. No. No I did not.
Sometimes, though, it's someone I barely know, or only know via the phone at work. If I meet a customer face-to-face for the first time and they ask, "What did you do to your arm?" I try to answer halfway and let it go. If you tell someone "I had breast cancer and just had step 2 of the reconstruction process and radiated tissue can be tricky when it comes to healing so I need to limit the use of the pectoral muscles on the left side for a few weeks to give my body an advantage and...." you see where this goes into the realm of Do They Really Need All That Information? pretty quickly.
It makes people feel like they should say, "Oh no! How are you doing? What stage? Are you OK now?" or even worse, it makes them completely uncomfortable and they look down and regret asking why my arm is in a sling. I hate making people feel uncomfortable, and cancer has an amazing ability to do that.
Today a coworker answered the question for me by saying, "Her arm is fine, but she got a new boob." The guy who asked looked puzzled and asked, "Is the sling holding it on?" I nearly died laughing. I enjoy working around people who have the same sense of humor that I have. This is someone who we know quite well and she knew she could get away with it. Hopefully, I'll get rid of the sling on Wednesday and people can stop asking.
On a side note, the question is sometimes, "Wow! You really changed your hair!" heh heh. No. No I did not.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Catching Up
It's been three weeks since my surgery. He decided to have me wear a sling so I wouldn't use my left arm much. The radiation makes it difficult for the tissue to heal, so he's taking every precaution. Dr. Google let me know what the chances are for a failure of some sort, so I'm wearing the sling and doing what I'm told. My coworkers and I have been having fun blinging it up. We call it "Sling Bling.
I started a new shift at work. Usually, we all take turns working the "late shift." Someone stays and answers phone calls from 5-7:30 Monday through Thursday, so when it's your turn, you work 11:30 - 7:30 for those four days, and then normal hours on Friday. Because medical stuff took all my vacation, I asked to work 8:30-7:30 for four days and have Fridays off. It makes for some LONG days, but it's worth it on Friday.
I will go see my plastic surgeon on Wednesday of next week. I don't know if he'll let me out of the sling or not, but I'm hoping so. I can already tell that I've lost everything that I had gained with therapy, but I'll just start the exercises again and get it back. I'm so glad to be moving on. I'm not healing as well on the right side as I think I should. I hope that it's either better by next week, or he does something to help it along. I'm still having to bandage the incisions every day.
We had to get our air conditioner charged with coolant today. We hadn't used it yet, so we turned it on Monday for the first time and it blew warm air. He left a bill for us. $300. Ouch. Poor Kevin was wanting to get some ammo this weekend, too. He traded guns with a guy and he hasn't even got to shoot it yet!
Tomorrow is my parent's anniversary, Sunday is my dad's birthday and Father's Day, and Monday is my wedding anniversary. Lots of celebration, even though we don't celebrate big. We pretty much just tell each other how much we appreciate one another, and leave it at that. Greeting card companies don't make much off of us.
That's about all the catching up that I have. I really want to do better at updating more often. With this new shift, I think I can make it work. I hope. Maybe.
I started a new shift at work. Usually, we all take turns working the "late shift." Someone stays and answers phone calls from 5-7:30 Monday through Thursday, so when it's your turn, you work 11:30 - 7:30 for those four days, and then normal hours on Friday. Because medical stuff took all my vacation, I asked to work 8:30-7:30 for four days and have Fridays off. It makes for some LONG days, but it's worth it on Friday.
I will go see my plastic surgeon on Wednesday of next week. I don't know if he'll let me out of the sling or not, but I'm hoping so. I can already tell that I've lost everything that I had gained with therapy, but I'll just start the exercises again and get it back. I'm so glad to be moving on. I'm not healing as well on the right side as I think I should. I hope that it's either better by next week, or he does something to help it along. I'm still having to bandage the incisions every day.
We had to get our air conditioner charged with coolant today. We hadn't used it yet, so we turned it on Monday for the first time and it blew warm air. He left a bill for us. $300. Ouch. Poor Kevin was wanting to get some ammo this weekend, too. He traded guns with a guy and he hasn't even got to shoot it yet!
Tomorrow is my parent's anniversary, Sunday is my dad's birthday and Father's Day, and Monday is my wedding anniversary. Lots of celebration, even though we don't celebrate big. We pretty much just tell each other how much we appreciate one another, and leave it at that. Greeting card companies don't make much off of us.
That's about all the catching up that I have. I really want to do better at updating more often. With this new shift, I think I can make it work. I hope. Maybe.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
The Day Has Arrived
It's been a long year. It's been a really bad year, actually. Things keep getting better, though. Today, in less than an hour, in fact, we'll be heading to the hospital for my reconstructive surgery. They'll remove the hard-as-a-rock tissue expander that they put in last April during the mastectomy, and replace it with a permanent implant. He has a lot of shaping and scar tissue removal to do while he's in there.
Then, he'll do a reduction and lift on the other side for symmetry. That's the side that will likely have the most pain, but the reconstruction side is the side we'll have to watch closely. Because of the radiation on that side, the tissue will have a tougher time healing. I may be in a sling for a while just to keep my arm still. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I'm taking every possible precaution against infection and problems. The "failure rate" of this surgery after radiation is a little scary, but as long as I follow all the doctor's rules and warnings, I have faith that it will be fine.
Kevin and I will head out around 5:15 to arrive at the Shawnee Mission Surgical Center by 7. The procedure is to start at 8:30 and will take around 3 hours. After an hour or two in recovery, we'll head home. Kevin will be in charge of updating folks. I'll be home and medicated by 5, if everything goes as planned. Here we go!
Then, he'll do a reduction and lift on the other side for symmetry. That's the side that will likely have the most pain, but the reconstruction side is the side we'll have to watch closely. Because of the radiation on that side, the tissue will have a tougher time healing. I may be in a sling for a while just to keep my arm still. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I'm taking every possible precaution against infection and problems. The "failure rate" of this surgery after radiation is a little scary, but as long as I follow all the doctor's rules and warnings, I have faith that it will be fine.
Kevin and I will head out around 5:15 to arrive at the Shawnee Mission Surgical Center by 7. The procedure is to start at 8:30 and will take around 3 hours. After an hour or two in recovery, we'll head home. Kevin will be in charge of updating folks. I'll be home and medicated by 5, if everything goes as planned. Here we go!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Oh. Hi!
Yes. It's been nearly a month since I updated. I nearly deleted this blog about 20 times in the past month. "Who cares?" "Why bother?" "There's always FaceBook." "I don't matter, anyway." "Nobody gives a shit."
Those are all things that I have thought in the past two months. Of course, I know that most are not true. I just got into a horrible place in my mind. I could get through a work day if I allowed myself a couple of breaks to escape to the restroom and cry for a minute, but I was NOT my normal self. I was NOT the positive one that I've always been.
I was embarrassed that I had beaten cancer and wasn't dancing a jig 24/7. How do you tell someone that you're one of the luckiest people on earth and you're down in the dumps? I just backed off and didn't tell anyone anything. Other than Kevin. Poor Kevin.
My oncologist made a medication adjustment, and I felt a difference 2 days later. Within a week, I was laughing with my family. I'm still not what I was, and I'll never be the same, but I feel like I can live. I feel like I can be happy. I feel like I'm in control again.
I had a follow-up with the oncologist today, and she's set me free for 3 months. At that time, if all is still good, I'll only have to go back every 6 months. WooHoo!
Next week is my pre-op appointment, and the following week is my exchange surgery. Moving on. I'm moving on. Let's get this party started!
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention: My hair is curly and out of control. And I'm OK with that. :)
Those are all things that I have thought in the past two months. Of course, I know that most are not true. I just got into a horrible place in my mind. I could get through a work day if I allowed myself a couple of breaks to escape to the restroom and cry for a minute, but I was NOT my normal self. I was NOT the positive one that I've always been.
I was embarrassed that I had beaten cancer and wasn't dancing a jig 24/7. How do you tell someone that you're one of the luckiest people on earth and you're down in the dumps? I just backed off and didn't tell anyone anything. Other than Kevin. Poor Kevin.
My oncologist made a medication adjustment, and I felt a difference 2 days later. Within a week, I was laughing with my family. I'm still not what I was, and I'll never be the same, but I feel like I can live. I feel like I can be happy. I feel like I'm in control again.
I had a follow-up with the oncologist today, and she's set me free for 3 months. At that time, if all is still good, I'll only have to go back every 6 months. WooHoo!
Next week is my pre-op appointment, and the following week is my exchange surgery. Moving on. I'm moving on. Let's get this party started!
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention: My hair is curly and out of control. And I'm OK with that. :)
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
A New Plan
I saw my oncologist today. The blood tests show that I can take AIs now, instead of Tamoxifen. She prescribed a new medication called Letrozole. I'll see her in 4 weeks to see how I'm reacting to it. It's not even in the same family as Tamoxifen, so I'm sure it will be fine.
She also upped the strength of the other drug that will hopefully combat the hot flashes and mood swings. We'll see. I'm tired of being crabby. I can handle crazy, but constant negativity is something that I usually combat, not contribute to.
I'll try to come up with an upbeat, non-cancer post soon. Honest!
She also upped the strength of the other drug that will hopefully combat the hot flashes and mood swings. We'll see. I'm tired of being crabby. I can handle crazy, but constant negativity is something that I usually combat, not contribute to.
I'll try to come up with an upbeat, non-cancer post soon. Honest!
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