Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Oh. Hi!

Yes.  It's been nearly a month since I updated.  I nearly deleted this blog about 20 times in the past month.  "Who cares?"  "Why bother?"  "There's always FaceBook."  "I don't matter, anyway."  "Nobody gives a shit."

Those are all things that I have thought in the past two months.  Of course, I know that most are not true.  I just got into a horrible place in my mind.  I could get through a work day if I allowed myself a couple of breaks to escape to the restroom and cry for a minute, but I was NOT my normal self.  I was NOT the positive one that I've always been.

I was embarrassed that I had beaten cancer and wasn't dancing a jig 24/7.  How do you tell someone that you're one of the luckiest people on earth and you're down in the dumps?  I just backed off and didn't tell anyone anything.  Other than Kevin.  Poor Kevin.

My oncologist made a medication adjustment, and I felt a difference 2 days later.  Within a week, I was laughing with my family.  I'm still not what I was, and I'll never be the same, but I feel like I can live.  I feel like I can be happy.  I feel like I'm in control again.

I had a follow-up with the oncologist today, and she's set me free for 3 months.  At that time, if all is still good, I'll only have to go back every 6 months.  WooHoo!

Next week is my pre-op appointment, and the following week is my exchange surgery.  Moving on.  I'm moving on.  Let's get this party started!

Oh yeah.  I forgot to mention:  My hair is curly and out of control.  And I'm OK with that.  :)


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you've kept the blog.

You and my wife are in almost perfect time with the diagnosis & treatment.

Shell said...

Curly and out of control, huh? Sounds perfect for you!

Love you!

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Anonymous said...

Well you do matter. Don't delete the blog.

Sorry to sound bossy(not all that sorry). You don't have to be any special Right thing. Certainly not for us. ~Mary

Drea said...

Wow, you're supposed to be jig-dancing 24/7? I had no idea. Guess I need to tell my mom (a 5-year survivor) and another friend (2-year survivor) to get cracking and jig their hearts out. Or wait... Perhaps they're supposed to just live life the best they can?

Be gentle with yourself, my friend. You've been through hell and back; nobody expects you to be thrilled and excited every moment of the day.

Love you!!