Yes. It's been nearly a month since I updated. I nearly deleted this blog about 20 times in the past month. "Who cares?" "Why bother?" "There's always FaceBook." "I don't matter, anyway." "Nobody gives a shit."
Those are all things that I have thought in the past two months. Of course, I know that most are not true. I just got into a horrible place in my mind. I could get through a work day if I allowed myself a couple of breaks to escape to the restroom and cry for a minute, but I was NOT my normal self. I was NOT the positive one that I've always been.
I was embarrassed that I had beaten cancer and wasn't dancing a jig 24/7. How do you tell someone that you're one of the luckiest people on earth and you're down in the dumps? I just backed off and didn't tell anyone anything. Other than Kevin. Poor Kevin.
My oncologist made a medication adjustment, and I felt a difference 2 days later. Within a week, I was laughing with my family. I'm still not what I was, and I'll never be the same, but I feel like I can live. I feel like I can be happy. I feel like I'm in control again.
I had a follow-up with the oncologist today, and she's set me free for 3 months. At that time, if all is still good, I'll only have to go back every 6 months. WooHoo!
Next week is my pre-op appointment, and the following week is my exchange surgery. Moving on. I'm moving on. Let's get this party started!
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention: My hair is curly and out of control. And I'm OK with that. :)