Stupid Medical Crap

I'm so done with medical issues!  I had my annual ob-gyn appointment today.  Just routine.  Well, except that it is at last  year's appointment that I talked to her about the lump, and it was at last years appointment that she ordered the mammogram that resulted in the biopsy that happened a year ago today.  Yeah.  Except for that.

My gynecologist's office is down the hall from the cancer center.  This means that I entered the same building and took the same elevator to the same floor.  I was fine this morning, but by the time I got to the office and signed in, I was nervous as heck.  Stupid.

They called me back, I got changed into the gown, and I waited.  Forever.  When Dr. Finkle came in, she said, "So, how are you doing, really?"  That's when I broke down crying.  I'm so done.  I'm done with appointments, I'm done with poking and prodding, and I'm done with questions.  I love her dearly, and she's the reason that cancer didn't win.  I'm not mad at her, I'm just down.

So we talked and she wants to have me try Effexor, which should alleviate the hot flashes and help with anxiety at the same time.  I'm willing to try.  I've been a nightmare to my family for a while now.  Everyone that I know is on my last nerve.  The common denominator is me.  I hope it helps.  But we didn't get to complete that conversation, because that's when she started my exam by looking at my legs.

"Your legs are SO swollen?  How long have they been like that?  Why didn't you say anything?"  Umm, because it's no biggie to me compared to cancer?  Because I'm fat and I figured that was to blame?  Because I'm sick of reporting medical complications?  I don't KNOW!  She completed the exam and then looked at my legs again.  She said I wasn't leaving until she decided what she was going to do.

After getting dressed, I opened the door. She met me at the door and said, "I've decided how we're handling this."  It could be a blood clot, or a heart issue, or just fluid retention.  She ordered an immediate ultrasound of my legs to rule out clots and I headed downstairs to complete that.  My oncologist was not in the office, but she will call her and get me in sooner than my March 19th appointment.  She will let my oncologist decide where to send me to rule out heart issues.

The ultrasound showed no clots.  That was my biggest worry.  Those can mean instant death.  I have no blood clots.  PHEW!  I'll get a call tomorrow with information about what to do next.  Damn.  I'm SO sick of this stuff.  I was in a funk before this, and now I have to concentrate on not letting it pull me down further.  I have a great week ahead of me, and that's what I plan to concentrate on.