I've Been Deported

What an eventful day!  I went to work for an hour and a half, and then headed to radiation.  This was the first of five boosts.  The boosts are going to be MUCH quicker than the regular radiation.  They just do one blast to a concentrated area, instead of 6 blasts to various parts of my skin, chest wall, etc.  Today was the lining-up day, and starting tomorrow, it will go quickly.

After that I drove around to the other side of the same hospital to get my port removed.  I was so excited!  I'm not sure why, but I think it's because it's just one more step toward being done.  I got parked, in to the office, and checked in a full 10 minutes early.  I was ready to get this show on the road!

The nurse took me in and took my vitals, and then told me to undress from the waist up and put on a gown.  I couldn't wait.  When she came back, the Dr. was following her, as was his medical student shadow.  He started talking to the student about the fact that I was in active radiation, and they usually don't get to see patients until six months after.  Then he asked if they could see the radiation site because he rarely gets to.  Umm, sure!  Why not?  They talked as they viewed my raw skin.  Come on, guys.  Let's yank this port!

Finally, they were ready.  The nurse placed a special pad on my lower abdomen.  It was to ground me so the equipment wouldn't shock me.  Very interesting.  After that, the surgeon (I really like this guy) started disinfecting and then numbing the skin.  It was time to start!  He warned me that I'd feel a bit of pressure, and I could tell that he was slicing into me.  This was getting interesting!

As he was cutting, I said, "So...are there any rules against you giving the port to me?  I mean, can I have it?" He thought for a minute and then said, "Well, you paid for it.  Sure you can have it."  I got 17 kinds of excited!  I have friends and workmates who thought I wouldn't ask, and now I'd asked.  Not only that, he said YES!

As I was reveling in the fact that I was going to leave with port in hand, I noticed smoke rising from my chest, and I could smell burned flesh.  Umm.  Weird.  "Is that normal?" I asked.  He assured me that it was.  I then lamented, "That makes me want bacon."  By now, the whole room was laughing with me.  I love it when an act comes together.

At one point during the procedure, the surgeon said, "Wow.  This one is in there deep.  I did a really good job with this."  LOL  That made me giggle.  He was admiring his work, even as he dug it out of the scar tissue that had formed around it.  Funny stuff.  If it was so deep, that might explain why it didn't bother me, and some people complain about theirs.

Finally, it was done.  He had stitched me up, leaving only a 1 1/2" scar:

I think his stitching job was amazing.  I can only see the knot at the left side of this picture.  It will soon dissolve.  He cut along the same scar that was created when he placed the port to begin with.  The nurse offered to clean up the port for me so I could take it with me.  Sweet!  She brought it back wrapped in a towel and placed in a bio-hazard bag.  Awesome!  It sat on my desk all day:

I went back to work, grinning all the way.  I had forgotten how nice it was to visit with a doctor that I like.  I like all but one, but the one bad apple is the one that I'm forced to see once a week right now.  Seeing the wonderful Dr. Shook was SO refreshing.  I couldn't wait to tell my coworkers that I had my port with me!  In fact, I called a couple of them on the way to work!

Why did I want it?  I have several reasons.  I am weird.  They said I wouldn't ask.  I am weird.  It made me feel brave to ask.  I'm weird.  I want to freak people out with it.  I'm weird.  The nurse asked if I wanted her to cut off the catheter part (that went into my vein) and I said, "NO! Why?  I paid for the whole thing!"  She laughed and left it in tact.

I think I'll make a Christmas ornament out of it.  After Christmas, I'll fashion it into something that can hang from my rear view mirror.  What an awesome conversation piece that will be!  Yup.  It was part of my body for seven months.  I'm not going to just toss it aside.  Maybe I'll make a necklace out of it.   Wanna see it?  Do you?  OK, here goes:

See?  That's not gross!  The circle in the middle of the purple part is where they stuck the needle for blood draws and for chemo. It can be pierced over and over and over.  Such a cool little invention.  

I'm Being Deported

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to have my port removed.  I know that I've been done with chemo for a while, but having that removed kind of makes it official in my head.  I'm looking for all of the milestones I can find, and this is a biggie for me.

Also, as of today, I only have five more radiation treatments left, and they are boosts.  Boosts are higher doses, but to a smaller, more concentrated area.  The highest chance of my cancer coming back is for it to come back in the skin around the scar where the mastectomy was done.  These last five will concentrate on that area.  That means that the rest of the skin can heal.  I am SO ready to be done holding my left arm out away from my body and adjusting my bra, trying to find a few seconds of relief.

I'm also all done (emotionally) with that office/Dr.  That's all I'm going to say about that for now.  

Two months from now, I'll have a follow-up with the plastic surgeon to assess the damage to my skin and tissue.  I plan to have NO damage by then.  Yup.  That's my plan.  Four months after that, I'll have the exchange surgery.  No, not THAT kind of change surgery.  It's the one where they exchange the tissue expander for an implant, and do the surgery to the other side for symmetry.

Ahh, symmetry.  How I miss symmetry. 

Yup, the milestones are ticking by.  I wonder when I'll feel like this is over?  After radiation?  Nah.  Still daily reminders as I'm getting dressed. When my hair has grown enough to not require a head covering? After exchange surgery?  Maybe, but how long after?  When the scars have healed?  

I just can't wait to go an entire day without the C word entering my head.  I have a feeling it will be a long time before that happens, but I'm heading in that direction. 

Keepin' On

After tomorrow morning's treatment, I'll be 1/3 of the way through radiation.  I keep making little milestones like so it'll go faster.  It seems to be working.  I feel like this leg of my treatment is moving along more quickly.  It helps that I don't feel like crap for a week out of every two.  I often leave work, get half undressed, get radiated, get dressed, and get back to work, all within an hour.  The most it takes is an hour and 15 minutes.

I'm still not liking my radiology oncologist very well, but I'm hoping I'll change my mind about him.  I wait for 10 minutes for him to spend 30 seconds with me.  I had to find out online that I shouldn't wear deodorant, and when I asked his nurse about it, she confirmed that I should not.  Thanks.  That would have been good to know.  I can wear the organic stuff, though, so I bought some of that.

I have a little irritation on that side, but it feels more like the top of my rib cage than it does my skin.  I'll ask about that on Wednesday, but I don't expect him to have much to say about it.  He certainly doesn't spend the time and ask the questions like my medical oncologist does.  She even asks about my mental state and how I'm doing with working during treatment, etc.  Maybe she's spoiled me.

I get my port out on November 8.  I thought that was the day after my last treatment, but now that I'm checking the calendar, it's the Thursday before.  After I get it out, I have 4 more treatments.  They'll take it out during my office visit.  I find that odd.  I'll be glad to have rid of it, even though it really hasn't caused me any real problems.  It sometimes irritates me a bit, but from some horror stories I've heard, I've been quite fortunate.

I haven't gotten sick, even though I have no white cells fighting for me.  I've been pretty strict about avoiding sick people.  I noticed today that my eye was irritated, and by afternoon, it felt like I was getting a stye.  By the time we got home from mom's, the bump had developed.  Yup.  I have a stye.  I'm a bit concerned, since that's an infection, so I'll call my doctor's office tomorrow and ask them if I should just let it go (which I've always done in the past...styes take care of themselves in a few days) or if they want me to take antibiotic.

It was a good weekend, all in all.  I was happy to get to hang out at Dad's, see aunt Rena, and even visit a bit with a couple of uncles that I rarely see.  I've avoided Mom and Dad's place for two weeks, because Dad and aunt Rena had been sick.  They got better, so we got back to our weekend routine of going out there.

I feel pretty good, and from what I've heard and read, I'll keep getting better, bit by bit.  Although I'm really tired at the end of each day, and exhausted at the end of the week, it still beats the heck out of chemo.  There are times I feel almost normal.  My hair is slowly starting to grow, too.  it's just barely there right now, and it doesn't have any color yet, but I hope it will speed up soon.  I am also curious to see what color it is when the color returns.  I'm a walking science experiment.