I finally had my surgery on Monday. It seemed like the day would never get here, but when it did, I was scared to death. I wasn't scared of being put under. I wasn't scared of being operated on. I wasn't even scared of the pain that I'd been warned would come after. I was terrified that this, too, would fail.
My expander to implant surgery failed. The replacement implant failed. It's been a frustrating couple of years, and I just couldn't keep the optimism that I usually have. I had a cloud of dread over my head about this and I pictured myself going through the entire, painful recovery just to have another failure.
I told Dr. Magnificent about this fear when we came to see me in the pre-op room. He patted my arm and said, "Well, I won't jinx myself, but I don't want you to worry about it." What seemed like a few minutes later, he was talking to me in post-op and asking me if I wanted to feel it. He also told me that I wouldn't remember him asking...but I did.
He spent some time with Kevin (as always,) and eventually they brought Kevin back to see me and we headed to my room. Everyone in recovery and in my room kept commenting on how well I was doing for someone who had just had that major of a surgery. Everyone. Thank you, pain pills, and thank you to a tough blood line. My family is NOT made up of wussies. :)
On Tuesday morning, I was told that it was time to get out of bed and sit in the chair for a while. This was the biggest challenge yet, and the first time that I ever remember having a pain that would rate as a 10. I was in tears and shaking by the time I made this 4' move. That was the worst, though, and things are slowly becoming more tolerable.
On Wednesday, Dr. Magnificent came to see me, removed much of the dressings, and marveled at how well he and I did. :) He always finds a way to make me smile. He even made me tear up when he told me about the fear he saw in my eyes before surgery. Apparently, after he left the hospital, he called Kevin on his cell to talk to him about how everything was going and what to expect. We've never met a doctor like him and we feel so thankful for him and his nurse.
I am now at home, where I'll have a steady stream of babysitters until I'm allowed to be home alone. Aunt Rena will come today and Mom will sit with me tomorrow. When the pain pills wear off, I still hit somewhere in the 8 range on the pain meter, but other than that, it hovers between 3 and 6, which I can handle.
I am SO happy that this hurdle has been cleared. I'm ready for 2014 to be an amazing year. I had such high hopes for 2013, but 2013 had other plans. This is going to be my year. Look out, future. Here I come with a full head of steam! Now pardon me while I hobble toward the shower.