It's a Date!

I have a date for surgery!  May 23.  I have a surgery date on May 23.  I am ready for it to happen, and I'm glad to have a date.  I'm freaking out a bit, but not for any particular reason.  There have been many studies about PTSD after cancer.  I don't claim that label, but I sure know where they are coming from.  90% of the time, I am fine.  10% of the time, I'm a basket case.

Anyway, I have surgery in Shawnee Mission, Kansas on May 23, and will be back to work the following week.  Let's go.  I'm tired of waiting.  I keep chanting "May 23" because I'm happy to have a date.  Between now and then, I have many appointments.  There is one day in March that I have so many appointments that I had to take a vacation day!

Until May 23, I will just keep on keepin' on.  Wake up, walk the treadmill, shower, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed...rinse, repeat.  Just a few more months.

May 23.

Radiation

Wow.  I post that I got a new car, and then apparently drove off into the sunset in it, never to post to my blog again.  Or maybe I've been back to working full time, doing radiation treatments, and getting my social life back.  Boy, is it nice to accept dinner invitations again.

I started radiation on Monday.  I have a standing appointment at 8am every weekday.  On Monday, I left work too early because I didn't know how long it would take me to get there.  20 minutes is the most it takes, so I allow 30, in case there is traffic.  Yup, I'm driving straight into Kansas City during rush hour.  I haven't had any troubles, though.  Plus, I have an amazing new car to drive!

I got there Monday and they had to do some Xrays.  Because of this, I was there between 20 and 30 minutes.  I guess I'll get a couple Xrays every Monday, but not sure if it will take as long as the first time did. On Wednesdays, I will always have an appointment with my radiation oncologist.  I've found that I can leave work, go to the hospital, park the car, get to the radiation department, undress from the waist up, put on a gown, get radiation, change back into my clothes, and drive back to work....all in an hour.  40 minutes of that is driving!

Yes, it goes fast.  Those ladies know what they're doing, and they're super efficient.  It is a vulnerable feeling to be lying on that table in a big empty room while a machine shoots radiation into you, but there is no pain or discomfort of any kind involved.  They position me, leave the room, the machine does it's thing, and they reposition me again...three times total.

Most of the folks that I know who have had skin reactions do so around 4 weeks in or later.  I'm a week in right now.  I've done 5/33 treatments.  I have a ways to go.  A lot of them have been told to use a certain lotion or some such to the area from a week before starting to the end of radiation therapy.  I haven't been told to use anything.  Most people are told not to use antiperspirant, although some are allowed to use the organic kind.  I haven't been told either of these things.

My Wednesday appointment was a bit different because my Dr. was in a meeting that ran long.  He asked another doctor to see me so I didn't have to wait.  We were together about 90 seconds at most.  I have a couple of questions for this week (about the lotion and antiperspirant, etc.) but it still shouldn't take long.  I can't believe that the visits go that fast, but it makes it easier to keep up full time at work.

This Tuesday, I have an appointment with my medical oncologist as a follow-up to chemo.  I hope she tells me that I can stop being a germaphobe.  My father got sick at a MOST inopportune time, as I was just starting to feel like my old self!  I'm sure I'll be fine, but I want her to tell me so.  I do NOT want to wind up in the hospital again.

Wow, I get long winded when I wait a week to post.  That's all that is going on in the wonderful world of cancer.  I just keep moving forward.  What else can I do?  Move forward through treatment and move forward into our busy season at work.  I know I'm still supposed to rest when possible and not overdo it, so I'm being careful.  I'm just glad that, so far, I'm feeling a bit stronger each day.

I'm Still Here

I've gotten ribbed a bit for letting so much time pass between blog posts.  In the past, that was reason for a sigh of relief.  Now, it leaves distant friends and relatives wondering if I'm OK.  I'm OK.  I'm here.  I don't want to do multiple "downer" posts in a row, so I just left the blog dormant this week.

Honestly, I started feeling better on Wednesday.   I called it "narcotic-free Wednesday" because it was the first day in five that I hadn't needed pain pills.  The debilitating pain was gone by then, but I was still so flipping exhausted.  When Kevin got home at 4:30 on Wednesday, I was already asleep.  I slept until 3.  On Thursday and Friday, I fought the urge to lie down by avoiding the bedroom.  LOL

Today, I feel all right.  I woke early and paid bills.  If you can do THAT and not become depressed, you're doing all right.  Not only are we having record-high electric bills, cancer treatment doesn't come cheap.  We've met our max out of pocket, but there are still payments being made from arrangements before we hit that max.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to think this is going to start over at the first of the year is sort of depressing.  Let's not think about that.

I've missed enough work lately that my paycheck was the smallest it's been since I returned to work.  It was 2/3 the usual amount, actually.  Thanks to Kevin's pay increases (yes, plural!) over the last couple of weeks, we still had enough to pay all of our bills that are due.  That made me so happy.  When I sat down with the bills and my computer and checkbook, I figured I'd have to juggle.  Nope!

Back to me, I'm going to milk this weekend for all it's worth.  I have chemo again on Wednesday, and if it follows the same timing, the bone pain will settle in on Friday.  I'll enjoy not hurting until then, and try to stay awake until the sun goes down at night.

But no promises on that last part.  :)

A 100% Complaint-Free Post (I Promise!)

Good news is always welcome, but sometimes the timing is perfect.  This time, the timing was absolutely spot-on, considering what has transpired over the last couple of weeks.

Kevin was due for a raise on August 1, and got it.  (I don't think I mention often enough how much I love his job, but I love his job.)  That was great news, since my checks are suffering.  I just can't get 40 hour weeks in very often.  The news of his raise made me breath a little bit easier.  He had also bid on a different position, but we were just sitting on that, waiting to see what happened.

Well, he got the other position, and figured it would be a couple of weeks before the trickle-down training would find him in that new spot.  Nope.  He found out this week that he starts Monday!  Here are some things that make him (us) smile:

• The position means another (instant) raise, and a higher pay scale before topping out.
• It is much less physical, therefore easier on his beaten and achy body.
• The hours are 6:00-2:30.  These are Kevin's DREAM hours and made him nearly giddy.
• There is already talk of OT, which will be easier to do with the (physically) easier job, and will take some pressure off me when I'm not feeling well at work.
• In case you lost count, he has now received two raises in under two weeks.

The last few days, when something's going wrong or I feel crappy or emotionally down, I have the above list to make me feel better.  I am so thankful for a husband who works hard to keep us going.  Hell, I'm thankful for a husband willing to work, period!  And I am very thankful, every day, for Kevin's job.

Weird Sleep Schedule

Thursday darn near kicked my butt.  I was so tired when I left work and headed in for my Neulasta shot.  When I got home, I thought I'd just take a short nap so I could watch Big Brother at 8:00.  I was asleep by 3:30.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up and it was 10:30.  Oops.  Big Brother was recorded, so I still got to watch it.  I realized, too, that I'd only had about 10 saltines to eat all day.  Probably not a great plan, so I heated up a can of soup and watched my show.

After that, it was time to catch up online.  That being done, I need to see if I can squeeze in a couple more hours of sleep.  Somehow, I doubt it'll happen, but I have to give it a shot.  If not, I only have to get through one more day before the weekend.  I'm also thankful that I'm sleeping now, so I'll take it when I can get it.

The Easiest Cycle Yet

I made the mistake of taking my last steroid too late, which pushed my crash to a work day which overlapped with my bone pain day.  I even whined about it here.  However, this third cycle has been the easiest one yet.

I have had a headache only two out of the 11 days that have passed on cycle three.  This is on the heels of 4 weeks of daily headaches, so it's a BIG deal.  I have been getting eight hours of sleep without the aid of medication.  I was able to work nine hours, two days straight, to make up for the crash day shortage.

Yup.  I may have complained about Monday, but I'm very pleased with chemo cycle three.  I have one more dose of A/C, which happens on Wednesday.  I hope to sail through it as easily as this one.  After that, I start another chemo drug.  I've heard that Taxol is easier than the A/C combo for most people.  Isn't THAT good news???

Grumble Grumble Whine

I was happy to have most of  yesterday crash-free.  It was Brooke's last day here, and we enjoyed it, even if we did relax most of the day.  By 7:30 or so, though, I felt it coming.  By 8, I was nodding off in the chair and Kevin nudged me to go to bed.  The crash should have hit late Sunday morning, but I think my Saturday nap pushed my last steroid dose late enough to delay it.

I would have thought that a good thing, since it allowed me most of Sunday to enjoy my company.  The bad part was that it caused the crash to continue into a work day, as well as to allow it to overlap my severe bone pain day.  Yup.  Today sucked.

I made it six hours before heading home.  I had a pain pill and a nap for lunch, and haven't done much since.  I am thankful that the bone pain is typically limited to 24-36 hours, so before tomorrow is over, I should be feeling better.  I also believe that the crash symptoms should be mostly gone by morning.  If the steroid-induced emotional crap goes away with it, it will be a good Tuesday indeed.

Goodbye Again, Appetite

Right on schedule, I want nothing to do with food.  *sigh*  I bugged out of work at 11:30 this morning, two hours earlier than I had planned, but I was feeling crappy.  I knew it was too early for my Neulasta shot, since it has to be 24 hours after chemo, so I stopped at Target.  I was about halfway through and got REALLY light headed.  That's when it hit me that I had ingested nothing other than Gatorade and water all day, and it was noon.

I went to the snack bar to see if there was anything there that I could force down, and they had a yogurt parfait.  I paid $2 for $.50 worth of yogurt, so I forced it down, and then regretted it.  It took care of the shaky feeling, but it sat on my stomach like a rock.

They got me in early for my shot (my initial appointment was for 4:00, but they took me at 1:15,) and I came home.  I haven't much left my bed since.  I did eat a few saltines to take my medicine, and at 6:30 I forced down some soup.

This is my bi-weekly whiny post, I suppose.  I've burned it up awfully early.  Didn't make it past day 2.  LOL

In Search of 40 Hours

The plan is to get 40 hours in at work on my non-chemo weeks.  I had it worked out in my head.  This should be the week that I can do it.  No appointments, no steroids, and no shots.  Why won't my body play along nicely?  LOL

I woke this morning with the alarm, which is a first in a week.  It means I got more sleep than I had been getting lately.  I woke when Monica got home from work, and one other time, but was able to go back to sleep after a while.  This should have made me feel good this morning, but I could tell that something wasn't quite right.  I showered and started getting ready, since my morning shower often fixes things that aren't quite right.

I took my temperature, since I'm supposed to call if it reaches 100.5.  99.7 was the first reading, 99.9 was the second (when I got to work,) and I had a major headache.  I do NOT get headaches, so it was consuming all of my concentration, so I took a couple of Advil.  It knocked the temp down to a normal person's normal (I usually run low, but whatever) and took the edge off the headache.

I got my eight hours in today, but it wasn't a joy ride.  I still claim to be quite blessed by not being nauseous so far.  Most food still doesn't sound good, and when something DOES taste good, I take advantage and eat before it loses it's appeal.  Dinner was great today until I was about 3/4 of the way through, and suddenly it was gross.  LOL  Oh well.  I'll keep buying chicken noodle soup and crackers and be thankful that I can hold it down.  So many people cannot do that while doing chemo. 


I plan to turn in early tonight and wake up tomorrow without this pesky headache.  I've alternated Advil and Tylenol all day and choose not to do this again tomorrow.  I choose not to have a headache.  I choose to feel good tomorrow.  I certainly have a new appreciation for anyone who works all day with a headache.  I have friends who get them frequently, and I cannot imagine.  

The End of the Weekend

This is the time of year in which card companies get a lot of money from my family.  My parent's anniversary is June 14.  My dad's birthday is June 16.  My own anniversary (Happy 17th, Kevin!) is June 17th, and Father's Day is always right in there somewhere.  Wow.  I think Dad wins out over everyone, netting three of those special days.  LOL

I didn't post yesterday.  I'd been warned about the "crash" and that it would probably be Saturday.  Yup.  The next time I'm hard up for something to post about, I'll share.  Plus, I get to experience it 7 more times.  Yippee!  I still claim to be "lucky" when it comes to side effects.  I'm just not ready to relive yesterday yet.

Today, I received a visit from three lovely friends who came with arms full of food.  I have been SO blessed by people feeding my family.  When I feel like crap, I can just grab something to quickly toss in the oven without having to feel like my kids are being slighted by my lack of enthusiasm in the food department.

After that, my dad had to visit ME on father's day.  LOL  I was worn out (way better than yesterday, but still sluggish) and it was mid 90s outside.  As I was sending Mom a message to please let Dad know I'd stop by tomorrow, they called to ask if they could drop by!  I was thrilled.  I hadn't seen them since they got home from vacation four days ago.

Now, I'm melted into the recliner (big shock, I know) and thinking it's going to be an early night for me.  The project that I'd wanted to work on at home didn't work out, and I'd like to get in as early as possible tomorrow and clear that up.  If I'm awake super-early, I'll go on in.   I'll knock that project out in a couple of hours, and then work on regular work.

My goal this week is 40 hours.  If I can maintain 40 on the non-chemo weeks, I'll be pleased.  I'm certain I can do it, barring any new or worsening side effects.  And we're not going to have any of THOSE, now ARE we???  Nope.

Eight and a Half Hours

I didn't sleep well again last night, but I fell asleep (passed out hard, actually) quite easily the first time, and again after getting up 3 hours later for a restroom trip.  Drinking a lot of water must be done early in the day. Lesson learned.  I remedied that today.  :)

When I woke the second time, it was about 2:30, and upon returning to my chair (yes, I still cannot comfortably sleep in my own bed..BOO) I realized I wasn't going to get back to sleep.  Still, I forced myself to try for 45 minutes or so, and gave up and jumped online to waste some time until it was a normal time to wake up.

At 4, Kevin got up and showered, and then I showered and got ready for work.  It wasn't long before the steroids kicked in and and I realized, "You should be at work!  Use the hours you feel good wisely!"  I went in super early and accomplished a lot.  I wanted to make it until 2:45, but got caught up in a project, so I was there until 3:15.

The best part of the day was when they brought pizza in for a meeting in the conference room, and all of customer service could smell it.  They were all talking about how great it smelled.  I could smell it, but meh, whatever.  Food hasn't smelled good since Tuesday.  About 40 minutes later, I realized, "Hey!  That smells fantastic!"  I was able to scam a piece (since the folks in the conference room were done) and it tasted as good as it smelled.

I felt good through the whole day, until I got about 5 miles from home.  I suddenly wondered if I'd make it home before falling asleep.  LOL  I haven't left the chair since.  Still, though, I worked a full day, and that was my goal.

I win!

I'm Still Alive

I had trouble going to sleep, which I was warned about, and three 3 hours later I was awakened by 65 lbs of dog, wanting out because the neighborhood dogs were going nuts.  I did not kill him, but it was tempting.  It took forever to get back to sleep, so I think I got five hours of so, total.  The last of that time was AFTER Kevin woke me up and told me it was time to get up.

Yup, I was late.  Only ten minutes, so it wasn't too bad.  I walked around with a foggy, half-tired feeling, but wasn't sick.  I also wasn't the least bit hungry.  I ate a few crackers to take my medication with, and had a handful of animal crackers around noon.  I still wasn't sick, but I was NOT hungry.  This caused some concern from coworkers, but I won't blow away in the wind anytime soon.  LOL

I left earlier than intended, because I simply ran out of steam.  I had to stop by the hospital for my Neulasta shot.  I'll always get one on the day after chemo.  It helps boost my white blood cell count back up.  It can also cause bone pain, but I'm taking Claritin, which some people say helps, and I can always take Tylenol or Advil.  We'll see if anything is needed.

Tonight, I figured I should really make myself eat something of more substance.   I still wasn't hungry, but I made a can of chicken noodle soup and it tasted good.  Nothing strong sounds good.  This is so not-me.  I even smelled the fried stuff at the deli at WalMart and it didn't smell good.  I can ALWAYS go for some potato wedges.  :)

Anyway, my butt refuses to leave this chair, but I am not feeling sick at all.  I got some mild heartburn a couple of times earlier in the day, but a couple of Tums fixed me right up.  I hope to get up on time tomorrow, and work a decent amount.  Here's hoping!

Ready or Not

I only made it until 3:00 again today.  I get SO frustrated when I can't make it until 5:00.  By the same token, if I'd quit pushing it and leave around noon or 1:00, I could maybe come home, rest a bit, and then get some more work done from here.  As it is, I push as hard and as far as I can push and still safely drive the hour it takes me to get home, and by the time I get here, I can't move from the chair.

I did do dishes after an hour of rest, though.  There weren't all that many, but Kevin's been doing them almost exclusively, and I couldn't stand the thought of him coming home and seeing them dirty.  Too bad my kitchen is too small for a dishwasher.  Oh well, it's a 10 minute task to wash a sink full of dishes.  No biggie.  If one of the girls had been here, guess what SHE would have been doing.  LOL

Tomorrow is the day I have my first chemo treatment, if everything checks out with the oncologist.  I have an appointment with her at 9:30, and if she's happy with what she finds, I go straight downstairs for the first treatment.  They'll go half-speed the first time, watching closely for any bad reactions, so we'll be there for HOURS.

Kevin is going with me for the first treatment, just in case any of the aforementioned reactions happen, and after that I can go alone.  If I feel like I want company for future treatments, Natalie can go with me, or Mom has offered if needed.  I'm pretty good at entertaining myself with my trusty laptop, though, so we'll see.  I'll just be so glad to get this first one out of the way.  My PDAS kicks in full-blast when it's something I haven't done before.

I know what will happen and what to expect.  I've researched, talked to others who have been through it, and researched some more.  I haven't done it yet, though.  After this time, I'll know what my new normal consists of.  The unknown will be known, and we'll move on.

Work, Dinner, and the Fair

I'm going to get a full week in this week.  That's good, since I don't know what next week will bring.  I spent four hours last night finishing up some testing that I was doing at home.  It's nice to be able to relax and get comfortable and still be able to work.

So I finished last night, and spent 45 minutes this morning composing an email with the results.  Not five minutes later, I got an email that a different round of testing was ready to start.  LOL  Well, that was some interesting timing.  It did free me up to come home midday and work from home some more.  I was a little bit sore and a lot tired.

Mom made my night, though, by bringing dinner over.  So amazing to just eat some wonderful stuff without the prep.  Coworkers have been really pitching in, too.  Now that I'm back at work, it's saved them the long drive out here, and they've been bringing stuff there and I'm bringing it home.

Our little town fair started tonight, so the girls are up there right now.  They're spoiled rotten, so their grandpa paid for all-you-can-ride wrist bands.  Kevin will pick Kami up tomorrow and we'll take her up there on Saturday.  Maybe tomorrow night AND Saturday.  Since it's only 2 blocks up the road, it's convenient for us.

We've decided to have a low-key weekend, just chilling out.  In the past, we've had a party on fair weekend, but there was no way I could entertain people this year.  I'm a bit emotionally unstable, and I don't know how I'll feel physically from day to day, either.  I just didn't want to chance having company.

It's my last weekend of "normal" for quite some time.  Chemo starts Tuesday.  Blech.

Eight Stinkin' Hours

It was only eight stinkin' hours.  It's not like I ran a marathon.  I worked a normal, 8-hour shift.  It's not a big deal to those that do it every day, but it's my first in 7 weeks.  And I felt good.  I didn't push and worry and think I'd never make it.  I did fine.

At one point, I looked at coworker Michelle and said, "I feel really good today.  I feel like a wise-ass again!"  She shook her head, smiled, and said, "You sound like one, too."

It was good to feel good.  Now I'm wiped out.  Done.  Cooked.

Goodnight.  I want to do this four more times this week.  If that's going to happen I need to go to bed.

Now.

The Story of Jaxson's Departure

I'm really still too tired to do this entry, but I did some work from home tonight and am just now winding down. (Before you think my employer is an ass, please know that I'm doing it by choice to help make up time I miss for appointments, so it's a favor and it did NOT have to be done tonight...I just decided to get step one done.)  Phew.  What a disclaimer!   I got up at 4:30 this morning and made it to work by 6:30 since they've loosened up my schedule, but I will NOT be doing that tomorrow.  Not seeing what the clock is telling me now!  :)

Nurse Terri gave me the new wrap with tighter compression on Friday, and told me that as soon as I had two days under 30cc, they'd pull the drain.  I let her know on Tuesday that it was 25, and she said, "Call and come in tomorrow if it's still under 30 and we'll pull it."  It was 28.  Rock on.

I called as soon as the office opened on Wednesday, and the lady said, "We can get you in on Friday afternoon."  I nearly cried.  I gathered my composure and said, "But Terri said to come in this afternoon."  She asked if I was seeing only Terri, or also the Dr.  When I told her it was just me and Terri, she said, "Oh!  OK, how about 1:30 today?"  PHEW!

It was pretty quick.  She cut the stitch, told me to take a deep breath, and then said, "That's it!"  He was out.  She held a bit of gauze over the opening like they do after removing a needle after a blood draw.  After a few seconds, she pulled it off to look and said, "Oh boy!  Oops!"  and put the gauze back, asking me to hold it there while she got more.

She got more, I let go, and she said, "Woah!" as she put more on.  I would have worried, but she is amazing and kept telling me that it is nothing to worry about, it's normal after a drain is in that long, and it's better to leak out than to be retained inside.  OK.  She asked me to hold the gauze once again and got a thicker, plastic-backed bandage.  It was taped to me and we crossed fingers that it wouldn't leak, since I was going back to work.

It didn't.  I hit "the wall" around 4 and headed home.  I wasn't even 5 miles from work when it leaked a bit.  Talk about timing!  At least I was gone!  By bedtime last night, it was nothing but a tiny dot on the bandage. Kind of like what you have on the cotton ball they put on you after drawing blood.  After all day today, there wasn't even a dot.  I guess it's done.  Except...

I'm getting a seroma that will likely require a trip to the cutter general surgeon's office tomorrow.  I'm supposed to go to the plastic surgeon for the first fill of my tissue expander, and Terri and I have already discussed the fact that I'll likely be sent there for needle aspiration.  Cutter's office has an ultra sound, so they can do it while making sure they miss the tissue expander.

*sigh*  That means leaving work shortly after noon, going to Leawoodfreaking, KS, and then being sent to St. Luke's on the Plaza.  (That won't mean anything to anyone not from this area, but it's an inconvenient trip, OK?)  After all of that, I have to call the oncologist.  Yup.  Time to get chemo back on the calendar, now that Jaxson is gone.  I avoided that for today, just to have control over one more day.

Childish?  Yes.  Too bad!  Tomorrow, I'll act like an adult again.

Back to Work

I went back to work today.  I'm nearly dead.  Due to the "near death" status, this shall be a short post:

I have been napping daily, including yesterday.  Therefore, I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight.  Therefore I worked nearly a full day at work, for the first time in over 6 weeks, with only 5 hours of sleep.  That won't happen again.  I came home, exhausted, and refused to let myself nap.  I'll be going to sleep soon.  LOL   And I'll sleep well.

Jaxson played nice and only offered up 25cc, despite the fact that I stripped the drain several times to make sure nothing was slowing it down, other than healing.  Terri said that, if he's under 30cc again in the morning, I can get him pulled tomorrow afternoon.

I'm tired and must go to sleep soon.  Please cross fingers that this JERK drain leaves tomorrow.  I wanna blow him up with one of those TNT plunger things that Wile E. Coyote uses.  Yup.  That's where I've gone now.  It's completely out of control.  I've gone to the crazy place.

Jaxson Update and a Long Weekend

I have to report to the nurse (Terri...we love her) every week or so with the amounts that Jaxson is producing.  If there was some big change, I would have reported in more frequently, but we hovered around 50cc for three weeks.  Seriously, it became so predictable and SO depressing.  I usually sent this info via email.  

I had to call her to get a refill on my antibiotics last Wednesday, so she said, "I know you emailed, but give me your numbers again."  I reported the 50cc per day that it ALWAYS is.  I also mentioned that it had been five weeks, and they said the record for that office was seven weeks.  She said, "Yeah, it's been long enough I'd like for you to come in.  At lease let us check for infection, etc.  How about Friday?"

I went in Friday and the Doctor came in and checked me over and expressed that he wasn't happy with the fact that the drain had been in so long (infection can set in, or the drain itself can cause drainage to continue,) but taking it out too soon can cause the fluid to pool under the skin and require aspiration with a needle every day or two, which, obviously, would be a hassle, so it's a balancing act.  They have determined that the magic number is 30cc.  At 30cc, it is believed that your body can reabsorb the lymphatic fluid, which is why they try SO hard to get it down to 30cc or less, two days in a row.

Back to the doctor's visit:  He talked it out with Terri, checking me over while I was in various positions to see if there was fluid buildup under the skin, even with the drain.  He determined there was not.  He stripped the tube, and it immediately filled again.  I knew it would, because it does every time I strip it, but he looked at Terri and asked, "Did you see that?"  Then he told me that if the drainage was slowing down, it should stay empty for a while after being stripped.

The decision was made to try a different and tighter compression.  They think that will make me heal more quickly (by holding the parts together that need to heal together,) and therefore not produce so much more fluid than my body can handle.  The way they are having me do this is to roll up some Kerlix (very soft gauze) into a roll about 2" or so in diameter and put it in my arm pit on the surgical side.  Then, a 6" ACE bandage is wrapped around me tightly, and as high as it can be and still be under my arms.  It is tighter than the previous wrap, too.  

The next morning showed a 24 output of 80cc.  WHAT???  That's MORE!  I calmed down when I realized that the Dr. had messed with me a LOT, the drain had been stripped more than usual, etc.  Breathe in, breathe out, calm down.  I only empty once per day now, first thing in the morning, so I can officially report that Saturday and Sunday's output (based on Sunday and Monday morning's measurements) have been 40cc.  

I haven't reached the magic number 30 yet, but there is a decrease for the first time in three and a half weeks.  That is encouraging.  I am to call Terri tomorrow and report these amounts.  She'll talk to the doc and they'll decide what to do.  I need to have 30cc or less, two days in a row.  

I'm just hoping and praying that tomorrow morning's number is 30.  If so, then maybe they'll help me start my divorce proceedings from Jaxson.  I'm all done with having him in my life.  LOL  Especially since I'm returning to work tomorrow.  What a hassle it's going to be to have him with me.  I wonder if I should dress him in a little outfit?  Thanks for that suggestion, Shannon.  Now I can't picture him any other way.  Sheesh.  

NO, coworkers.  He will NOT be dressed.  In fact, he hides under MY clothing, so you will not even get to meet him.  It's for the best.  He'll hopefully be out of my life soon, and it's best if you don't get attached.  LOL  Get it?  Attached?  Never mind.  I'm just ready for him to be UN attached from me.

Now that this post has become WAY too long, I shall not rehash my Memorial Day weekend in detail.  Here are the Cliffs Notes:  Kevin's BFF Brian and his son Ty came up, I met a cool new family, we grilled, we ate, we saw my parents and my cousin, and, ummm, oh yeah, cut all my hair off.  If you aren't on Facebook, I'll post about that in my next post.  Both people who started reading this post are now sleeping.  Shh.  Don't WAKE them!

Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I don't have PDAS with this appointment, and I think I know why:  This doctor isn't going to give me any bad news.  When I saw the surgeon, I didn't know what to expect.  When I saw the oncologist, I didn't know what to expect.  This is the plastic surgeon.  He's going to fix what the other one does.

Sweet!  I can go to work before my appointment, and return to work after the appointment, and I will have NO symptoms of PDAS.  No sick stomach, no shaking legs, no shortness of breath, and no rapid heartbeat.  I'm not dreading this appointment at all.  I'm just waiting to find out what's next.  Let's get this party started.

Quit With the Puppy Eyes, OK?

I understand that I have cancer, and that most people don't know what to say or do.  I didn't want to post this article, because it might make it sound like I want you to come clean my house.  I do NOT (yet) want you to come clean my house.  I do, however, appreciate many of the thoughts expressed.

I know that some people freak out and cry forever about a cancer diagnosis.  I know that everyone reacts differently and none of those reactions are wrong.  Let me clear the air.  I am dealing with this one day at a time, and laughing all the way.  You need me to help with that big order?  Sorry.  I can't.  I have cancer.  (insert big laugh here.)

I've been patient, and will continue to be so.  However, if you read this, that means you give a shit about me, so here goes:

Please, under NO circumstances, should you look at me, cock your head to the side like a sad puppy, and ask, "How ya doin', Rachel?"  How am I doing?  I have cancer.  I'm  not undergoing treatment right now, so I feel the same as I did 6 months ago.  Physically, I'm fine.  Emotionally?  I have very close friends and family to keep it pulled together.

I had a friend/coworker suggest that I develop tourettes when someone does this.  "SHIT DAMN ELBOW BUTT CANCER REFRIGERATOR ASS NO!"  I'm not sure that's the right reaction, but it made me laugh.

If you see me crying, an offer of comfort will be welcomed.  If I'm working along at my desk, let's just carry on, OK?  You won't see me crying at my desk, however, unless someone does the puppy  head-cock at me. THAT makes me cry.  The cancer doesn't.  Not yet, anyway.  I don't want it to win.  Right now, I'm making inappropriate jokes and waiting for the next Dr's appointment.

Can we move on?  I'll let you know when I need something.  I promise.