Today was round one of my appointments that mark one year since my diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma. I had spent the weekend in Texas, enjoying sunshine and time with friends, so I came back relaxed and happy. I thought I'd be fine today and just go to my appointments and then come home. But it wasn't that easy.
I woke up late, since I didn't have to work today. (I took a vacation day to get through the appointments.) The closer it got to time to leave, the more worried I became. I know a lot of people who are approaching the one year mark, and they are finding abnormalities. I know two who now have metastatic breast cancer. I know that I'm at greater risk than many people. I started tearing up and wringing my hands. (because we all know how much good that does.)
Kevin sent a text and offered to go with me. You betcha! He was there a year ago for all of the first appointments. He acts as a memory and another set of ears for me. He gets to be the calm one. He gets to ask questions that I may forget.
Our first stop was at the rehab office for my physical therapy. I suspected that she'd release me and I was right. She told me to continue my at-home exercises right up until surgery, and then resume them as soon as the plastic surgeon approves. My range of motion measurements were great and she was thrilled with my progress. I'm to ask to see her again ONLY if I have problems.
From there, we went to the diagnostic center for the mammogram. I was starting to really stress. I tried to breathe through it and calm down. Kevin and I played games on the iPad and made nonsense conversation to pass the time. I had the mammogram (on the remaining side only) and then waited to get results. I could see some weird areas on the screen as I went by, and my panic increased.
Finally, a doctor that I'd never met knocked on the door and came in. "Here we go," I thought. "This is where it all started. She's going to tell me I have cancer." She smiled, shook my hand, and said, "I've looked over the images and everything looks great." I instantly teared up. I was more relieved than I've ever been in my life. All that was left was to see the breast surgeon.
His nurse practitioner came in first and asked some questions and examined me. Then Dr. Shook came in and examined me again. He's very pleased with the way the tissue expander side has healed. (I don't like to call it the "cancer side.") He asked some questions about the plastic surgeon's plan. We talked for a bit and then he told me that he didn't need to see me for a year. What? No doctor has told me that for a long time!
My emotions are raw and I still have many appointments coming up over the next few months. I made it through a diagnostic test without finding cancer. It can be done. Breathe in, breathe out. I'll go to work tomorrow and keep moving forward. Each day is a bright new day. It should get easier from here. PHEW!
Showing posts with label kevin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kevin. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Approaching an Anniversary
It's February. One month from today is a grim anniversary for me. One month from today is the day when I got the call with the results of my biopsy. A lot has happened in the past year. This isn't a cancerversary post, though. It just crossed my mind as I was doing my PT stretches this morning.
Physical therapy is going well. That perky little therapist puts the hurt on me every Tuesday and Thursday, but I can really tell that it's working. She told me that she is impressed with my progress and can really tell that I'm doing my work at home because my range of motion is improved already. The hard ridge of muscle that was so visibly apparent in front of my shoulder is disappearing.
After last week's travel, it's nice to have a lazy Saturday morning. Monica and I watched ABC Family movies and relaxed all morning. That's my idea of paradise. All of this while Kevin worked a half day for some OT. I love his job and I love his willingness to put in a few extra hours to help with bills. Truth be told, though, his OT today is probably directly related to an event that is happening next weekend.
In the mean time, I'm going to relax, maybe do some laundry, visit my parents, and watch silly movies. Yup. This is my kind of weekend. The no-pressure kind.
Physical therapy is going well. That perky little therapist puts the hurt on me every Tuesday and Thursday, but I can really tell that it's working. She told me that she is impressed with my progress and can really tell that I'm doing my work at home because my range of motion is improved already. The hard ridge of muscle that was so visibly apparent in front of my shoulder is disappearing.
After last week's travel, it's nice to have a lazy Saturday morning. Monica and I watched ABC Family movies and relaxed all morning. That's my idea of paradise. All of this while Kevin worked a half day for some OT. I love his job and I love his willingness to put in a few extra hours to help with bills. Truth be told, though, his OT today is probably directly related to an event that is happening next weekend.
In the mean time, I'm going to relax, maybe do some laundry, visit my parents, and watch silly movies. Yup. This is my kind of weekend. The no-pressure kind.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Damn
The doctor was wrong. I kinda figured this would be the case, but I had my hopes up to be the one who was wrong. How often can you say that? "Boy oh boy do I hope I'm wrong!" The pain seemed to settle in a bit later, so by noon yesterday, I still had hope. When I got home, though, I could tell it was getting worse and the football game was likely out of the question.
I took a pain pill and a nap, but when I woke up, it was even worse. One more football game missed. This morning, it's the worst it's ever been. This time is different, though. This time, I can chant "One more time. One more time. One more time." I'm almost done. This is the last time I have to feel this way. By Tuesday or Wednesday, the pain will subside and then I get a month off. A month of NO treatment of ANY kind.
After that month, radiation will likely start, but that'll be a cake-walk compared to this stupid Taxol. It may make me tired. Tired is something I can handle. That's why they make coffee, I think. Anyway, I'll know more about that plan on Monday. Kevin will pick me up and we'll go for a consult with the radiology oncologist. Then we'll know the plan.
For now, I'll sit right here. I hurt, but I know it's going to end soon. Somehow, that makes it better. I've showered and moved to the recliner, so I am among the living. This is likely the most activity I'll see today, though. One more time.
I took a pain pill and a nap, but when I woke up, it was even worse. One more football game missed. This morning, it's the worst it's ever been. This time is different, though. This time, I can chant "One more time. One more time. One more time." I'm almost done. This is the last time I have to feel this way. By Tuesday or Wednesday, the pain will subside and then I get a month off. A month of NO treatment of ANY kind.
After that month, radiation will likely start, but that'll be a cake-walk compared to this stupid Taxol. It may make me tired. Tired is something I can handle. That's why they make coffee, I think. Anyway, I'll know more about that plan on Monday. Kevin will pick me up and we'll go for a consult with the radiology oncologist. Then we'll know the plan.
For now, I'll sit right here. I hurt, but I know it's going to end soon. Somehow, that makes it better. I've showered and moved to the recliner, so I am among the living. This is likely the most activity I'll see today, though. One more time.
Monday, September 3, 2012
You Just Gotta Laugh
I have fewer "good days" on this drug, and they hit this weekend. Granted, my good days now feel a lot like days when I had the flu, pre-cancer, but I can function. I got tickled about something on Saturday night and laughed so hard that the girls thought I was crying.
Sunday morning, it happened again. Both girls and I laughed so hard that I nearly hurt myself. I realized, after all had calmed down, that I hadn't laughed that hard in over a month. Later yesterday, Kevin and the girls were gone, so I went to see Mom and Dad. As is typical for visiting them, there were quite a few laughs.
The past few days have made me realize that uninhibited, hard, tear-inducing laughter is something that cancer/chemo has stolen from me, and I think I miss it more than I miss my hair. I have two more days before my next round of chemo, and I plan to laugh every chance I get.
Having only four good days out of 14 will wake a person up to what is lacking. Laughter has been seriously lacking around here. I'll have to see what I can do about that. This goof ball usually helps in that department, even when demanding my attention that is being directed at blogging.
Sunday morning, it happened again. Both girls and I laughed so hard that I nearly hurt myself. I realized, after all had calmed down, that I hadn't laughed that hard in over a month. Later yesterday, Kevin and the girls were gone, so I went to see Mom and Dad. As is typical for visiting them, there were quite a few laughs.
The past few days have made me realize that uninhibited, hard, tear-inducing laughter is something that cancer/chemo has stolen from me, and I think I miss it more than I miss my hair. I have two more days before my next round of chemo, and I plan to laugh every chance I get.
Having only four good days out of 14 will wake a person up to what is lacking. Laughter has been seriously lacking around here. I'll have to see what I can do about that. This goof ball usually helps in that department, even when demanding my attention that is being directed at blogging.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I'm Still Here
I've gotten ribbed a bit for letting so much time pass between blog posts. In the past, that was reason for a sigh of relief. Now, it leaves distant friends and relatives wondering if I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm here. I don't want to do multiple "downer" posts in a row, so I just left the blog dormant this week.
Honestly, I started feeling better on Wednesday. I called it "narcotic-free Wednesday" because it was the first day in five that I hadn't needed pain pills. The debilitating pain was gone by then, but I was still so flipping exhausted. When Kevin got home at 4:30 on Wednesday, I was already asleep. I slept until 3. On Thursday and Friday, I fought the urge to lie down by avoiding the bedroom. LOL
Today, I feel all right. I woke early and paid bills. If you can do THAT and not become depressed, you're doing all right. Not only are we having record-high electric bills, cancer treatment doesn't come cheap. We've met our max out of pocket, but there are still payments being made from arrangements before we hit that max. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to think this is going to start over at the first of the year is sort of depressing. Let's not think about that.
I've missed enough work lately that my paycheck was the smallest it's been since I returned to work. It was 2/3 the usual amount, actually. Thanks to Kevin's pay increases (yes, plural!) over the last couple of weeks, we still had enough to pay all of our bills that are due. That made me so happy. When I sat down with the bills and my computer and checkbook, I figured I'd have to juggle. Nope!
Back to me, I'm going to milk this weekend for all it's worth. I have chemo again on Wednesday, and if it follows the same timing, the bone pain will settle in on Friday. I'll enjoy not hurting until then, and try to stay awake until the sun goes down at night.
But no promises on that last part. :)
Honestly, I started feeling better on Wednesday. I called it "narcotic-free Wednesday" because it was the first day in five that I hadn't needed pain pills. The debilitating pain was gone by then, but I was still so flipping exhausted. When Kevin got home at 4:30 on Wednesday, I was already asleep. I slept until 3. On Thursday and Friday, I fought the urge to lie down by avoiding the bedroom. LOL
Today, I feel all right. I woke early and paid bills. If you can do THAT and not become depressed, you're doing all right. Not only are we having record-high electric bills, cancer treatment doesn't come cheap. We've met our max out of pocket, but there are still payments being made from arrangements before we hit that max. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to think this is going to start over at the first of the year is sort of depressing. Let's not think about that.
I've missed enough work lately that my paycheck was the smallest it's been since I returned to work. It was 2/3 the usual amount, actually. Thanks to Kevin's pay increases (yes, plural!) over the last couple of weeks, we still had enough to pay all of our bills that are due. That made me so happy. When I sat down with the bills and my computer and checkbook, I figured I'd have to juggle. Nope!
Back to me, I'm going to milk this weekend for all it's worth. I have chemo again on Wednesday, and if it follows the same timing, the bone pain will settle in on Friday. I'll enjoy not hurting until then, and try to stay awake until the sun goes down at night.
But no promises on that last part. :)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
A 100% Complaint-Free Post (I Promise!)
Good news is always welcome, but sometimes the timing is perfect. This time, the timing was absolutely spot-on, considering what has transpired over the last couple of weeks.
Kevin was due for a raise on August 1, and got it. (I don't think I mention often enough how much I love his job, but I love his job.) That was great news, since my checks are suffering. I just can't get 40 hour weeks in very often. The news of his raise made me breath a little bit easier. He had also bid on a different position, but we were just sitting on that, waiting to see what happened.
Well, he got the other position, and figured it would be a couple of weeks before the trickle-down training would find him in that new spot. Nope. He found out this week that he starts Monday! Here are some things that make him (us) smile:
Kevin was due for a raise on August 1, and got it. (I don't think I mention often enough how much I love his job, but I love his job.) That was great news, since my checks are suffering. I just can't get 40 hour weeks in very often. The news of his raise made me breath a little bit easier. He had also bid on a different position, but we were just sitting on that, waiting to see what happened.
Well, he got the other position, and figured it would be a couple of weeks before the trickle-down training would find him in that new spot. Nope. He found out this week that he starts Monday! Here are some things that make him (us) smile:
- The position means another (instant) raise, and a higher pay scale before topping out.
- It is much less physical, therefore easier on his beaten and achy body.
- The hours are 6:00-2:30. These are Kevin's DREAM hours and made him nearly giddy.
- There is already talk of OT, which will be easier to do with the (physically) easier job, and will take some pressure off me when I'm not feeling well at work.
- In case you lost count, he has now received two raises in under two weeks.
The last few days, when something's going wrong or I feel crappy or emotionally down, I have the above list to make me feel better. I am so thankful for a husband who works hard to keep us going. Hell, I'm thankful for a husband willing to work, period! And I am very thankful, every day, for Kevin's job.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Saturday
It may be too soon to claim victory, but I believe this round is easier. I got eight hours of sleep on Thursday night (Kevin had to WAKE me for work!) and another 7 last night. I didn't have a headache all day yesterday. Not a single pain pill or Tylenol was necessary. I'm still not enjoying the steroids and I'm still out of breath, but I think the cut-dose is something my body can become accustomed to. Woo Hoo!
Today, we're going to the city market. I doubt I'll make it as long as the rest of the group, but they have benches in various places and tables and chairs in the shade, so I can take a break when I need to. We don't really need much in the way of produce, with Mom around, but it's fun to go, anyway. We'll hit it early before it gets hot, too. The planned group is myself, Kevin, Brooke and my girls. Who knows if the girls will get out of bed in time. :)
I'm going to hope that the trend for this cycle continues. I felt pretty darned good yesterday, even if I *did* fall asleep in the recliner at 8:30. LOL That's karma for all the times I've laughed at Kevin for nodding off. Yup. Karma.
Today, we're going to the city market. I doubt I'll make it as long as the rest of the group, but they have benches in various places and tables and chairs in the shade, so I can take a break when I need to. We don't really need much in the way of produce, with Mom around, but it's fun to go, anyway. We'll hit it early before it gets hot, too. The planned group is myself, Kevin, Brooke and my girls. Who knows if the girls will get out of bed in time. :)
I'm going to hope that the trend for this cycle continues. I felt pretty darned good yesterday, even if I *did* fall asleep in the recliner at 8:30. LOL That's karma for all the times I've laughed at Kevin for nodding off. Yup. Karma.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
The Quest for Tasty Food
Although I didn't want food this morning, I woke up hungry. I was determined to find something other than crackers to take my meds with. I found a lone packet of instant oatmeal in the cabinet and decided that it may just do the trick. It did! It was actually tasty. That gave me hope to start eating again today.
Kevin went outside at 8:00 to start mowing, knowing it was going to be miserable again. By the time he mowed everything, did the weed-eating, and made the yard look civil again, it was nearly noon...and HOT. He showered and headed to the store with Monica. I feel bad, but absolutely everything seems to fall on him now. He's been amazing about it, but I still feel guilt.
My main wish for his shopping trip was fruit. I thought fruit sounded good, and we had some frozen mixed fruit that I had thawed, and ate a bit of it. It was very good. He hooked me up! I still had a cantaloupe, and he brought home apples, kiwi, grapes and strawberries. The girls and I just combined all of the above and enjoyed the heck out of it. It tasted SO good.
The other thing that I ate today was cucumber sandwich. I had eaten a cucumber (from mom's garden) earlier in the day and it tasted pretty good, so I asked Kevin to bring me some cream cheese and dry Italian dressing mix. It is supposed to sit for 24 hours, but I made a sandwich as soon as I mixed it up, and it was good, too.
I still don't want foods that I normally like, but it is SO nice to have something other than soup and saltines. Tomorrow, Kevin is going to grill some chicken for me. I have to get some protein in, and that sounds bland enough that I can probably eat it. I was told that my white counts being low would make me short of breath, and I've certainly been short of breath today.
All in all, thanks to Kevin, I've had a good day. I managed to do laundry, taking 10 minutes to catch my breath each time I came up the stairs, but managing to feel like I've contributed, anyway. I plan to get a good night's sleep, since tomorrow is "crash" day. I really don't want to sleep all day, but if that's what it takes to be able to get to work on Monday, that's what I'll do.
I'm thankful she cut my steroids in half. I think it's contributing to my tired/weak feeling, but it should make my crash less intense, and I'm still getting enough of them to not be nauseous. This medication balancing act is such a joy. I've taken more pills in the past three weeks than I've taken in the past three years. No joke.
Kevin went outside at 8:00 to start mowing, knowing it was going to be miserable again. By the time he mowed everything, did the weed-eating, and made the yard look civil again, it was nearly noon...and HOT. He showered and headed to the store with Monica. I feel bad, but absolutely everything seems to fall on him now. He's been amazing about it, but I still feel guilt.
My main wish for his shopping trip was fruit. I thought fruit sounded good, and we had some frozen mixed fruit that I had thawed, and ate a bit of it. It was very good. He hooked me up! I still had a cantaloupe, and he brought home apples, kiwi, grapes and strawberries. The girls and I just combined all of the above and enjoyed the heck out of it. It tasted SO good.
The other thing that I ate today was cucumber sandwich. I had eaten a cucumber (from mom's garden) earlier in the day and it tasted pretty good, so I asked Kevin to bring me some cream cheese and dry Italian dressing mix. It is supposed to sit for 24 hours, but I made a sandwich as soon as I mixed it up, and it was good, too.
I still don't want foods that I normally like, but it is SO nice to have something other than soup and saltines. Tomorrow, Kevin is going to grill some chicken for me. I have to get some protein in, and that sounds bland enough that I can probably eat it. I was told that my white counts being low would make me short of breath, and I've certainly been short of breath today.
All in all, thanks to Kevin, I've had a good day. I managed to do laundry, taking 10 minutes to catch my breath each time I came up the stairs, but managing to feel like I've contributed, anyway. I plan to get a good night's sleep, since tomorrow is "crash" day. I really don't want to sleep all day, but if that's what it takes to be able to get to work on Monday, that's what I'll do.
I'm thankful she cut my steroids in half. I think it's contributing to my tired/weak feeling, but it should make my crash less intense, and I'm still getting enough of them to not be nauseous. This medication balancing act is such a joy. I've taken more pills in the past three weeks than I've taken in the past three years. No joke.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
The End of the Weekend
This is the time of year in which card companies get a lot of money from my family. My parent's anniversary is June 14. My dad's birthday is June 16. My own anniversary (Happy 17th, Kevin!) is June 17th, and Father's Day is always right in there somewhere. Wow. I think Dad wins out over everyone, netting three of those special days. LOL
I didn't post yesterday. I'd been warned about the "crash" and that it would probably be Saturday. Yup. The next time I'm hard up for something to post about, I'll share. Plus, I get to experience it 7 more times. Yippee! I still claim to be "lucky" when it comes to side effects. I'm just not ready to relive yesterday yet.
Today, I received a visit from three lovely friends who came with arms full of food. I have been SO blessed by people feeding my family. When I feel like crap, I can just grab something to quickly toss in the oven without having to feel like my kids are being slighted by my lack of enthusiasm in the food department.
After that, my dad had to visit ME on father's day. LOL I was worn out (way better than yesterday, but still sluggish) and it was mid 90s outside. As I was sending Mom a message to please let Dad know I'd stop by tomorrow, they called to ask if they could drop by! I was thrilled. I hadn't seen them since they got home from vacation four days ago.
Now, I'm melted into the recliner (big shock, I know) and thinking it's going to be an early night for me. The project that I'd wanted to work on at home didn't work out, and I'd like to get in as early as possible tomorrow and clear that up. If I'm awake super-early, I'll go on in. I'll knock that project out in a couple of hours, and then work on regular work.
My goal this week is 40 hours. If I can maintain 40 on the non-chemo weeks, I'll be pleased. I'm certain I can do it, barring any new or worsening side effects. And we're not going to have any of THOSE, now ARE we??? Nope.
I didn't post yesterday. I'd been warned about the "crash" and that it would probably be Saturday. Yup. The next time I'm hard up for something to post about, I'll share. Plus, I get to experience it 7 more times. Yippee! I still claim to be "lucky" when it comes to side effects. I'm just not ready to relive yesterday yet.
Today, I received a visit from three lovely friends who came with arms full of food. I have been SO blessed by people feeding my family. When I feel like crap, I can just grab something to quickly toss in the oven without having to feel like my kids are being slighted by my lack of enthusiasm in the food department.
After that, my dad had to visit ME on father's day. LOL I was worn out (way better than yesterday, but still sluggish) and it was mid 90s outside. As I was sending Mom a message to please let Dad know I'd stop by tomorrow, they called to ask if they could drop by! I was thrilled. I hadn't seen them since they got home from vacation four days ago.
Now, I'm melted into the recliner (big shock, I know) and thinking it's going to be an early night for me. The project that I'd wanted to work on at home didn't work out, and I'd like to get in as early as possible tomorrow and clear that up. If I'm awake super-early, I'll go on in. I'll knock that project out in a couple of hours, and then work on regular work.
My goal this week is 40 hours. If I can maintain 40 on the non-chemo weeks, I'll be pleased. I'm certain I can do it, barring any new or worsening side effects. And we're not going to have any of THOSE, now ARE we??? Nope.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Chemo Treatment Number One
Disclaimers:
Today was the day. I woke up and decided I wasn't going to go through with it, but Kevin made me get up and shower, so we went. Once again, I was having a major panic attack this morning, and I'm pretty sure Kevin was having a minor one at the same time. I had forgotten to pack a "chemo bag," so I worked on that this morning. It was good to have something to occupy my time until we left at 8:30.
At 9, I was to put the numbing cream on my port and cover it with a square of plastic wrap, so I did that in the truck. LOL From now on, I'm driving myself to and from treatment, so I may have to rethink that plan, huh? We got there, and I made 17 trips to the bathroom. First of all, I'm supposed to push water. A LOT of water. I hate water, but I do what doctors tell me to do. The nerves probably didn't help that situation much, either.
As with all nerves brought on by a new medical experience, I was perfectly fine as soon as the doctor walked in. She asked questions, made sure to find out if we had any (we had a few, and she answered them to our satisfaction.) Everything looked good, so she announced that I'd be staying for chemo. Good. Another wait may have pushed me over the edge.
I think part of it is the fact that I don't get sick. I don't take pills. I don't go to hospitals. Heck, I don't even get headaches (until lately.) I've gone from that to this horrible disease that requires horrible treatment which causes horrible side effects. I guess I don't do anything halfway. This is my new daily life:
No. I do NOT take all of those every day. However, I must travel with most of them. When I walk into work, my bag sounds like I'm hauling in maracas! (Mental note: Suggest mariachi Mondays at work tomorrow.) Anyway, although most of the above are "as needed," I sometimes need them. So far, I haven't needed prescription pain medication more than 1-2 times a week at most. I just don't know what my side effects will deem necessary.
OK, enough of the downer! My first chemo day was fine. Parts were actually fun and funny, thanks to an amazing husband making inappropriate jokes and an amazing nurse who explained everything so well that it kept me at ease. Thanks to the numbing cream, I didn't even know when she accessed my port. These things were on the cabinet, waiting for me:
The two small vials are for blood draws to check my levels and make sure I'm OK for chemo. Because they had to wait for the lab to get back to them with the results, Marie (the nurse) asked if we'd like to go downstairs and get something to eat. That sounded like an amazing plan, except that I had the tubes hanging from my port, waiting for chemo. She said, "Just drop that down your shirt and go on down." You can't tell me that, and not expect me to have fun with it:
If it wasn't funny enough that I stuffed it in my bra in my cleavage, we got a real good laugh of the fact that I only have HALF of what you could call cleavage. The other side was PURCHASED by me, so I guess it's mine, as the implant will be. So yeah, we'll say cleavage. LOL We went on our adventure downstairs to the hospital cafe, and had a really great lunch for under $10 total for the two of us! (Tight Wad. Party of two.)
When we got back, it was time to get going. She hung a bag of (I think) saline, and a small bag of non chemo drugs. I don't remember what all of them were for, but at least one was for nausea and one was a steroid. Here is my little starter pack:
At this point, the meds were almost gone. After each infusion is complete, more of the fluid is injected to "flush" the port. That's why the large bag. I didn't even use half of it by the time I left, though. Then, it was time to get started on thepoison chemo. The Adriamycin is given with two large syringes so they can keep a super close eye on it. They alternate a few CCs of it and a bit of saline. I told her I was worried her hand would cramp. LOL I'm showing it below, but the drug is red. That is NOT blood!
When that was done and the port was flushed, it was time for the Cytoxan. It can hang on the IV pole, so Marie got to rest her hands. Actually, she was probably in another room doing the same thing for someone else. Poor thing. Here I am while finishing up. Yes, the room was small:
I was playing online. If you know me well, and have been to my house or followed any images of me, you may be having a nagging feeling that this looks VERY familiar to you. I can explain that. I had Natalie take a pictures of me while doing this blog post:
Take away the blanket (we turned our ac off last night) and the IV pole, and I was at home! Oh, the blanket! That is ONE thing I forgot to take, which is the only reason I regret not packing my chemo bag earlier in the week. One of my many distant friends who have sent me amazing packages (seriously, you guys BLOW me away...and kinda make me cry like a girl a little bit...I gotta work on that,) sent the following that she made for me, just for chemo treatments!
She explained her design in her very touching note. "Zebra print, because you're so "wild & crazy"; pink hearts, because we love you." It is DEFINITELY ready for my next appointment. The blankets they have there sucked. May as well give me a sheet.
Finally, if you made it this long without falling asleep or passing out (that last part was for the wussies,) I will give out a parting laugh. As we exited the office after my visit was complete, we saw this in the hallway. I think you can read it if you click on it:
Kevin said, very simply, "Hmmm. I sure hope those boxes are empty."
- This is a freaking LONG post. A lot of people wanted details, and boy oh boy did I give details. You won't hurt my feelings if you bail early.
- There is a TINY amount of blood showing in my port access tube in one shot. TINY. However, you blood wussies have been warned.
- There is a shot of a HUGE syringe full of one of my chemo meds that just happens to be red. I promise you, I would NOT spring a picture of that much blood on you, after warning you about the tiny bit in the other shot.
- My "cleavage" shows, but it's mostly shirt and post-mastectomy sports bra, so don't get your hopes up, pervs. Takes all the fun out of it, doesn't it?
- These images will not show up on FB. Not because I don't want to show them there, but because I don't want to type captions. I'll link to this post there, though.
Today was the day. I woke up and decided I wasn't going to go through with it, but Kevin made me get up and shower, so we went. Once again, I was having a major panic attack this morning, and I'm pretty sure Kevin was having a minor one at the same time. I had forgotten to pack a "chemo bag," so I worked on that this morning. It was good to have something to occupy my time until we left at 8:30.
At 9, I was to put the numbing cream on my port and cover it with a square of plastic wrap, so I did that in the truck. LOL From now on, I'm driving myself to and from treatment, so I may have to rethink that plan, huh? We got there, and I made 17 trips to the bathroom. First of all, I'm supposed to push water. A LOT of water. I hate water, but I do what doctors tell me to do. The nerves probably didn't help that situation much, either.
As with all nerves brought on by a new medical experience, I was perfectly fine as soon as the doctor walked in. She asked questions, made sure to find out if we had any (we had a few, and she answered them to our satisfaction.) Everything looked good, so she announced that I'd be staying for chemo. Good. Another wait may have pushed me over the edge.
I think part of it is the fact that I don't get sick. I don't take pills. I don't go to hospitals. Heck, I don't even get headaches (until lately.) I've gone from that to this horrible disease that requires horrible treatment which causes horrible side effects. I guess I don't do anything halfway. This is my new daily life:
No. I do NOT take all of those every day. However, I must travel with most of them. When I walk into work, my bag sounds like I'm hauling in maracas! (Mental note: Suggest mariachi Mondays at work tomorrow.) Anyway, although most of the above are "as needed," I sometimes need them. So far, I haven't needed prescription pain medication more than 1-2 times a week at most. I just don't know what my side effects will deem necessary.
OK, enough of the downer! My first chemo day was fine. Parts were actually fun and funny, thanks to an amazing husband making inappropriate jokes and an amazing nurse who explained everything so well that it kept me at ease. Thanks to the numbing cream, I didn't even know when she accessed my port. These things were on the cabinet, waiting for me:
The two small vials are for blood draws to check my levels and make sure I'm OK for chemo. Because they had to wait for the lab to get back to them with the results, Marie (the nurse) asked if we'd like to go downstairs and get something to eat. That sounded like an amazing plan, except that I had the tubes hanging from my port, waiting for chemo. She said, "Just drop that down your shirt and go on down." You can't tell me that, and not expect me to have fun with it:
If it wasn't funny enough that I stuffed it in my bra in my cleavage, we got a real good laugh of the fact that I only have HALF of what you could call cleavage. The other side was PURCHASED by me, so I guess it's mine, as the implant will be. So yeah, we'll say cleavage. LOL We went on our adventure downstairs to the hospital cafe, and had a really great lunch for under $10 total for the two of us! (Tight Wad. Party of two.)
When we got back, it was time to get going. She hung a bag of (I think) saline, and a small bag of non chemo drugs. I don't remember what all of them were for, but at least one was for nausea and one was a steroid. Here is my little starter pack:
At this point, the meds were almost gone. After each infusion is complete, more of the fluid is injected to "flush" the port. That's why the large bag. I didn't even use half of it by the time I left, though. Then, it was time to get started on the
When that was done and the port was flushed, it was time for the Cytoxan. It can hang on the IV pole, so Marie got to rest her hands. Actually, she was probably in another room doing the same thing for someone else. Poor thing. Here I am while finishing up. Yes, the room was small:
I was playing online. If you know me well, and have been to my house or followed any images of me, you may be having a nagging feeling that this looks VERY familiar to you. I can explain that. I had Natalie take a pictures of me while doing this blog post:
Take away the blanket (we turned our ac off last night) and the IV pole, and I was at home! Oh, the blanket! That is ONE thing I forgot to take, which is the only reason I regret not packing my chemo bag earlier in the week. One of my many distant friends who have sent me amazing packages (seriously, you guys BLOW me away...and kinda make me cry like a girl a little bit...I gotta work on that,) sent the following that she made for me, just for chemo treatments!
She explained her design in her very touching note. "Zebra print, because you're so "wild & crazy"; pink hearts, because we love you." It is DEFINITELY ready for my next appointment. The blankets they have there sucked. May as well give me a sheet.
Finally, if you made it this long without falling asleep or passing out (that last part was for the wussies,) I will give out a parting laugh. As we exited the office after my visit was complete, we saw this in the hallway. I think you can read it if you click on it:
Kevin said, very simply, "Hmmm. I sure hope those boxes are empty."
Monday, June 11, 2012
Ready or Not
I only made it until 3:00 again today. I get SO frustrated when I can't make it until 5:00. By the same token, if I'd quit pushing it and leave around noon or 1:00, I could maybe come home, rest a bit, and then get some more work done from here. As it is, I push as hard and as far as I can push and still safely drive the hour it takes me to get home, and by the time I get here, I can't move from the chair.
I did do dishes after an hour of rest, though. There weren't all that many, but Kevin's been doing them almost exclusively, and I couldn't stand the thought of him coming home and seeing them dirty. Too bad my kitchen is too small for a dishwasher. Oh well, it's a 10 minute task to wash a sink full of dishes. No biggie. If one of the girls had been here, guess what SHE would have been doing. LOL
Tomorrow is the day I have my first chemo treatment, if everything checks out with the oncologist. I have an appointment with her at 9:30, and if she's happy with what she finds, I go straight downstairs for the first treatment. They'll go half-speed the first time, watching closely for any bad reactions, so we'll be there for HOURS.
Kevin is going with me for the first treatment, just in case any of the aforementioned reactions happen, and after that I can go alone. If I feel like I want company for future treatments, Natalie can go with me, or Mom has offered if needed. I'm pretty good at entertaining myself with my trusty laptop, though, so we'll see. I'll just be so glad to get this first one out of the way. My PDAS kicks in full-blast when it's something I haven't done before.
I know what will happen and what to expect. I've researched, talked to others who have been through it, and researched some more. I haven't done it yet, though. After this time, I'll know what my new normal consists of. The unknown will be known, and we'll move on.
I did do dishes after an hour of rest, though. There weren't all that many, but Kevin's been doing them almost exclusively, and I couldn't stand the thought of him coming home and seeing them dirty. Too bad my kitchen is too small for a dishwasher. Oh well, it's a 10 minute task to wash a sink full of dishes. No biggie. If one of the girls had been here, guess what SHE would have been doing. LOL
Tomorrow is the day I have my first chemo treatment, if everything checks out with the oncologist. I have an appointment with her at 9:30, and if she's happy with what she finds, I go straight downstairs for the first treatment. They'll go half-speed the first time, watching closely for any bad reactions, so we'll be there for HOURS.
Kevin is going with me for the first treatment, just in case any of the aforementioned reactions happen, and after that I can go alone. If I feel like I want company for future treatments, Natalie can go with me, or Mom has offered if needed. I'm pretty good at entertaining myself with my trusty laptop, though, so we'll see. I'll just be so glad to get this first one out of the way. My PDAS kicks in full-blast when it's something I haven't done before.
I know what will happen and what to expect. I've researched, talked to others who have been through it, and researched some more. I haven't done it yet, though. After this time, I'll know what my new normal consists of. The unknown will be known, and we'll move on.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
A Disappointing Day
Yesterday was the follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon. I kind of expected to get one drain removed, although I knew that the other one would be staying. The output has to be less than 30cc in 24 hours, and I have one that will do 30 cc in one draining. The other, however, has been hovering right around that 30 cc area and I was pretty sure it would go.
So Dad offered to take me to Independence to meet Kevin, saving him 40 miles of driving to get me to this appointment. He picked me up, stopped by Sonic for me (he's a good Daddy like that) and we met up with Kevin. As I got out of Dad's car and into Kevin's truck, the air hit me (it was very blustery yesterday) and I thought, "Why does my side feel wet?"
We got all of my stuff transferred to the truck and Dad took off. I asked Kevin to please look at my side as I raised up my jacket as high as my limited-motion arm will allow. I was soaked from just under my armpit to the waistband of my jeans. WTH???? I haven't had any issue like this since surgery.
So here we are in Independence, headed to Leawood, KS, and I'm soaked. Kevin had requested that I bring his tennis shoes to him, and I had grabbed a T shirt, too, since he gets so dirty at work. He had remembered a shirt, so I had a spare T shirt, although it was quite big. The other problem was the bra being soaked, and not having an ace bandage (my typical undergarment lately) with me.
We find a CVS, and bought gauze and could NOT find a normal ACE bandage. It's a PHARMACY for goodness sake! The closest they had was the kind that sticks to itself. It wasn't ideal, but it would work to get us there. We paid and then went together into the ladies' room for him to wrap me to the best of his ability. Have I mentioned Kevin's willingness to do whatever it takes?
So much for stopping for a nice dinner somewhere, since I was now in an ace bandage, well, you don't want to be seen that way for MANY reasons. Not just the imbalance. The drains have to go somewhere and, well, it was going to be a drive-through for dinner. Period. That resulted in us arriving at the plastic surgeon's office nearly two hours early. Kevin saw our (amazingly wonderful) nurse, Terri, and explained the situation to her. She got us back into a room super-fast, cut the stupid ACE thing off me and got me into a gown. From there on, I didn't mind waiting.
When it was our turn, Terri showed me how to "strip" the drains, and one of them needed it, which was the reason for the small amount on the last log entry for that one. Turns out, even the other (slower) one wasn't coming out yesterday. I got sent home with both. I wanted to cry.
Everything else was great news. He (the surgeon) said that everything looked awesome and I was healing very well and he had no concerns. He answered any questions that I had and said that drain one would probably come out on Monday. We'll see. LOL Drain two will be a bit longer. As aggravating as it is to have them, removing them too early can be catastrophic, and I understand that. I just wanted to cry.
So we got in the truck, I took my overdue medication, and cried until falling asleep. Poor Kevin. LOL We came home and I wanted to be alone, so I decided to try sleeping in my bed. BAD choice. I woke up this morning hurting quite a bit. Getting a shower and a re-wrap helped a lot, but it's back to the recliner for me. I think it'll be a while before I can comfortably sleep in bed again.
The bottom line is: I'm healing well. I need to get over myself when there are little setbacks, and I need to be more thankful for my friends who care. I also need to travel with spare clothing, but that's another issue all together.
So Dad offered to take me to Independence to meet Kevin, saving him 40 miles of driving to get me to this appointment. He picked me up, stopped by Sonic for me (he's a good Daddy like that) and we met up with Kevin. As I got out of Dad's car and into Kevin's truck, the air hit me (it was very blustery yesterday) and I thought, "Why does my side feel wet?"
We got all of my stuff transferred to the truck and Dad took off. I asked Kevin to please look at my side as I raised up my jacket as high as my limited-motion arm will allow. I was soaked from just under my armpit to the waistband of my jeans. WTH???? I haven't had any issue like this since surgery.
So here we are in Independence, headed to Leawood, KS, and I'm soaked. Kevin had requested that I bring his tennis shoes to him, and I had grabbed a T shirt, too, since he gets so dirty at work. He had remembered a shirt, so I had a spare T shirt, although it was quite big. The other problem was the bra being soaked, and not having an ace bandage (my typical undergarment lately) with me.
We find a CVS, and bought gauze and could NOT find a normal ACE bandage. It's a PHARMACY for goodness sake! The closest they had was the kind that sticks to itself. It wasn't ideal, but it would work to get us there. We paid and then went together into the ladies' room for him to wrap me to the best of his ability. Have I mentioned Kevin's willingness to do whatever it takes?
So much for stopping for a nice dinner somewhere, since I was now in an ace bandage, well, you don't want to be seen that way for MANY reasons. Not just the imbalance. The drains have to go somewhere and, well, it was going to be a drive-through for dinner. Period. That resulted in us arriving at the plastic surgeon's office nearly two hours early. Kevin saw our (amazingly wonderful) nurse, Terri, and explained the situation to her. She got us back into a room super-fast, cut the stupid ACE thing off me and got me into a gown. From there on, I didn't mind waiting.
When it was our turn, Terri showed me how to "strip" the drains, and one of them needed it, which was the reason for the small amount on the last log entry for that one. Turns out, even the other (slower) one wasn't coming out yesterday. I got sent home with both. I wanted to cry.
Everything else was great news. He (the surgeon) said that everything looked awesome and I was healing very well and he had no concerns. He answered any questions that I had and said that drain one would probably come out on Monday. We'll see. LOL Drain two will be a bit longer. As aggravating as it is to have them, removing them too early can be catastrophic, and I understand that. I just wanted to cry.
So we got in the truck, I took my overdue medication, and cried until falling asleep. Poor Kevin. LOL We came home and I wanted to be alone, so I decided to try sleeping in my bed. BAD choice. I woke up this morning hurting quite a bit. Getting a shower and a re-wrap helped a lot, but it's back to the recliner for me. I think it'll be a while before I can comfortably sleep in bed again.
The bottom line is: I'm healing well. I need to get over myself when there are little setbacks, and I need to be more thankful for my friends who care. I also need to travel with spare clothing, but that's another issue all together.
Friday, March 23, 2012
More of the Cancer Chronicles
I got a couple of calls today. The first was from the genetic testing. I was negative for the changed chromosome that is a precursor for cancer. What does this mean? It means that I got this "just because." I don't have to have my kids tested, their kids tested, my brother and his kids tested, etc. I hadn't told my family yet (other than the girls,) but if it had been positive, I'd have had to call family and beg them to get tested. Thank God I didn't have to make those calls. It also means that I'm not at any more risk to get cancer again than you are. It's nothin' but a thing.
The second call was the surgeons office, telling me that they'd set up an appointment with the plastic surgeon. That will be on April 4. This means that I will NOT be having surgery within the next 2 weeks. After this appointment, they'll tell me when the surgery will happen. In the mean time, I have to get the EKG and PET scan. That gives me at least 2 weeks to keep things going at work.
PHEW! That's enough for tonight. Both girls went to spend the night with friends tonight, so I'll likely forget the dishes and just crash early. Tomorrow? Kevin and I are having a date day. Not a date night. An entire date day. No telling what we'll do, but we're doin' it. Sweet!
The second call was the surgeons office, telling me that they'd set up an appointment with the plastic surgeon. That will be on April 4. This means that I will NOT be having surgery within the next 2 weeks. After this appointment, they'll tell me when the surgery will happen. In the mean time, I have to get the EKG and PET scan. That gives me at least 2 weeks to keep things going at work.
PHEW! That's enough for tonight. Both girls went to spend the night with friends tonight, so I'll likely forget the dishes and just crash early. Tomorrow? Kevin and I are having a date day. Not a date night. An entire date day. No telling what we'll do, but we're doin' it. Sweet!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Information Overload
Because there are two tumors, several cm apart, a lumpectomy would be difficult, so the surgeon seemed to be leaning toward mastectomy. I guess that would solve the gravity-with-age issue, huh? If radiation is involved, it would be EVERY week day for SIX weeks, on the plaza (which is about 50 miles from home, as opposed to the 40 I drive for work.) If there is chemo, the hair will go.
There are some ego-type thoughts going on here. I know it's temporary, but it's concerning, nonetheless. Don't judge me. I have cancer! LOL Radiation involves a ton of long trips to KC that will likely make me feel like crap. If I lose one or both breasts, will insurance help with reconstruction? I doubt it, but I'll check. If I lose my hair, do I go with bandannas, hats, or scarves? None of those match my T-shirt and jeans style. OK, enough about those fears. Whatever it takes to make me stay alive will be what I do, and I leave that to the skilled professionals dealing with this mess.
They sent me home with a ton of information to read. It's not the lame type brochure you see in Dr's offices, either. It's real, good, well-done stuff. As I went through it tonight (skimming) I was quite impressed. My boss is being super great about what needs done. I'll inform my customers (who don't already know....Michelle Brown stalks me on FB, LOL) soon, so they'll know that there are times I'm gone.
To end on a light note, I'll give you some wonderful quotes from the day, uttered by my husband Kevin:
"Wow. Cancer ain't for pussies or po' folks, huh?"
"I got cancer, and all I got was this lousy handbag."
"I want you to know, I have not bought ONE gun that has cost as much as this cancer has cost us already."
When the Dr. said, "I've done all the talking, I want to hear you say something." Kevin said, "Shit!?"
Thursday, February 9, 2012
My Best Friend
The 30 Day Photo Challenge wants my best friend. Umm, OK. This poses 2 possible answers.
This apparent lush (she's not, but I made sure that she looked like one) is my BFF. It is one of those things where I feel like I've known her from childhood. Separated at birth. We laugh non-stop the entire time we're together. Chica gets me. We only get to see her a few times a year, and I cherish those times. It hurts me when our visit is over.
This dude is my other best friend. He puts up with me like nobody else on earth could ever do. He knows my oddities and loves me anyway. He was even kind as we drove away from my other BFF after last year's gathering in Texas, and I was bawling like a baby. Radar was crying about being separated from his mother for the first time in his 4-months on earth, and I was crying about being separated from Brooke, and Kevin just drove. He let us have our tears.
He drove our sorry asses all the way back to Missouri, and kept all of his man-thoughts ("What the hell is WRONG with them?") to himself. I love ya, man.
He drove our sorry asses all the way back to Missouri, and kept all of his man-thoughts ("What the hell is WRONG with them?") to himself. I love ya, man.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Attention: Kevin Conway!
There is this guy. His name is Kevin. He worked at H&H for 147 years. He stops by from time to time to see this person or that person. Now that I'm at the front counter, I see him when he comes in. He's an awesome Teddy Bear of a guy, and I like it when he stops by.
He came by today, and we made some small talk while he waited for the person that he came to see. He said that he loves my mom's blog, and he reads it all the time. Then, he mentioned that he also reads my blog, but my mom's is better.
Yes, Kevin. That's for you.
It's weird how he found Mom's blog. He saw her comment on Pioneer Woman's blog, way back when, and checked her out. While on mom's blog, he saw a picture of me and made the connection! Weird.
At 4 today, I took my computer and a bunch of other stuff out to my car which was parked on the street, so I wouldn't have to carry everything out at 5. I heard a car running (Kim, from work) and knew she was soon to leave. I put everything in my car and locked it up, as I heard her car pull away and pass behind me.
Knowing I was safe, I shut the door, turned around and started across the street...right in front of Kevin's car. He could have run over me, but instead, he rolled his window down and told me that with 4 days off, he'd better see 4 blog posts.
OK, Kevin. Here's the first one!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
It's a tasty weekend
I had planned to relax this weekend. Actually, I plan to relax every weekend! I've been very successful at it this weekend, though. I also had some tasty produce from Mom that I had been thinking about. I woke up this morning with an idea.
We don't fry much of anything around here. However, once in a great while, we have fried potatoes. It's been months and months since we've done so, and I decided to make them this morning...with a twist.
I added to the big, cast iron skillet (passed down from my Grandma Wood) potatoes, butternut squash, onion, and bell pepper, all fresh from the garden. It just doesn't get any better than this:
It was awesome. The whole family decided that it was the best fried potatoes we've ever had. It could be because it's been so long, but it really was good.After playing with Kameron, watching some TV, and just relaxing, I announced that it was time for my nap. I like to get a nap at least once every weekend, but it hasn't been happening the past several weeks. Boy oh boy, did it happen today. It was a great nap, too.
Brett woke me up so I could say good-bye to the baby when it was time for her to be returned to her Momma. They left and Kevin mentioned quesadillas. Kevin makes some AWESOME chicken quesadillas, so the girls and I were instantly "on board" with this plan.
Finally, after a bit in the oven to let them get all melty and gooey on the inside, lightly crispy on the outside. Here is the result:
First, he puts the seasoned, shredded chicken breast on the tortillas:
Then he adds some cheese. This time, we used mozzarella, since it's what we had. I like all cheese. I'm a fan of cheese. Please pass the cheese.
Finally, after a bit in the oven to let them get all melty and gooey on the inside, lightly crispy on the outside. Here is the result:What? You say This whole entry sounds like a house full of lazy food-addicts? So? What's your point? This is the perfect Saturday, as far as I'm concerned. I wonder what we'll have for a late-night snack?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Fixing my car
My car had an issue. It sounded a lot like a bicycle with a card in the spokes. The problem, as diagnosed by our neighbor/friend Jimmy, was a chunk out of a gasket between the manifold and the exhaust pipe. On Saturday, Kevin decided to take it to Dad's and work on it. I usually go along to be the gopher when he works on my car.
When we put it up, as high as the jack would allow, and then put a jack stand under it for stability, both left tires were off the ground. It was funny looking.
Kevin crawled under and got to work. The catalytic converter was still hot, so he may have uttered a bad word, but it was a mild one. I mostly saw this:
My job is to go for tools. He has to be pretty specific, but I'm good at it. If he says, "I need a 3/8" ratchet, longer than the one I have," or "I need a 1/2 wrench, open on one end, box on the other," I know what to get. That's what's nice about using Dad's shop. All I have to do is go over here:
After updating my facebook status to state that he wasn't cursing, he let out a short tirade, but I didn't tell. He did so good that I didn't want it to sound like he was a bad guy. A Neon is a tiny thing to work on, and he kept plugging away.
At one point, he barely touched Hawkeye's butt with the toe of his shoe, and said, "Hey, move over, Buddy." Hawkeye yelped like he'd been beaten, and hid out the rest of the day. Wussy dog. I know he's mostly deaf, and didn't know Kevin was there, but sheesh!
Finally, Kevin got the offending gasket off the stubborn car. The stock ones are a ceramic type of thing, but the new ones are shiny. Quite a difference.
In this one, you can see the missing chunk that caused all the noise.
When Kevin finishes working on a car, he is filthy. He is often covered in grease.
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