JP Drains-TMI Again

This is another TMI entry. I'm warning you!  If I have to live this disgusting crap, then I'm dragging you down with me.  If you don't want to see the nastiness, or do not want to deal with my current reality, click here instead.

Today I'll explain the biggest current pain in my neck...the JP drains.  These drains are a necessary evil, because they carry the post-op fluids out of my body.  If the drain is pulled to early, it could cause a seroma (sp) that would need constantly drained with a needle frequently, because my body would not be able to absorb all of the extra fluids.   So yes, I get why it must stay.  Yes, I understand that it's for the best.  And yes, I now feel that I've typed enough that the squeamish folks could have clicked away without accidentally seeing anything.

Four times per day, I deal with these stupid things.  There are two long tubes that come out of my body from my left side, and the long tubes each end in a bulb.  The bulb is to be squeezed tightly and then capped, which keeps constant, gentle suction on the drain.  Four times per day, I uncap the bulb, drain the fluid into a cup with measuring lines on the side, and strip the hose from where it exits my body down to the tube.

This last step is to make sure there are no clogs.  It's difficult to strip it without pulling, and pulling HURTS.  I'm learning to pinch with one hand and use the other hand to strip the hose.  Whatever.  Since I already showed a picture of the drains leaving my body, I didn't do that again today.  It's the second image on this entry, although the coloring of my skin looks better now.

So I head into the restroom and get the drains ready.  As usual, drain one is nearly empty and drain two is full.  It hates me.

There are some variances in the color of the fluid, but the main difference with these two today is an optical illusion due to volume.  You can see that the bulbs are squeezed like I mentioned, to keep gentle suction going at all times.  If it is bulb shaped, meaning not squeezed at all, it's not drawing and I have to fix it.  I haven't had to do that since leaving the hospital.

Next, I get my lovely measuring cups out (don't worry if you ever come here for dinner...I don't use THOSE measuring cups,) and empty the contents from the bulbs into the cups.  I could empty drain #1 only once per day since it's so slow, but I always do it when I do the other.  Heck, I'm in there anyway.

Then, as you can see by the above image, I've squeezed the air out again (and stripped the hoses, see how empty they are?) and it's time to read the amounts from the sides of the cup.  Then, I can tuck them away in these discreet little pouches, which Velcro to the bottom of my bra.  Yes, very discreet.  That's not obvious at ALL!  Here they are:

The only way these aren't obvious is if I'm wearing a big ol' sweatshirt over my T shirt, and even then they aren't completely hidden.  This is the reason that, even if I felt amazing (I do NOT) I wouldn't return to work until the drains are gone.  Walking around with extra lumps, stopping to measure and log fluids, etc, etc.  No thanks.

Finally I log the drain amounts on the document in hopes of seeing the amounts drop (they are NOT dropping.)  When drain two gets below 30 cc per day, it can come out.  It put out 50 cc this morning (I slept longer than usual, but still!) so it's not coming out any time soon.  See?

So this is currently my life.  Tomorrow afternoon I have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon (the demo guy.)  He'll probably want to check this portocath, among other things.  (Don't worry, my chest is NOT as hairy as the one in the picture at that link.)  Then, on Thursday I have a follow-up with my oncologist.  I really want to know what the plan is.

I want with ALL of my being to NOT do radiation.  That would delay my reconstruction by as much as a year.  Chemo only slows it down a bit.  Whatever the plan is, let's get it moving.

People Amaze Me

Saturday was a better day.  It wasn't banner, by any means, but I was functional.  I'm trying to do more and more by myself, since Kevin is gone during the week days and I'll have to, and last night I was pretty sure I broke my shoulder.  (Yes, drama is my thing.)

There are a lot of blessings going on for us, and a lot of worries.  We're just getting through things one at a time.  Figuring it out as we go along.  That's really all you can do.  Unless, of course, you have friends like ours.

We got a call last night (sorry again that you had to talk to me while I was stoned out of my mind, yet still in pain.  It's an interesting state that usually Kevin only gets to experience.)  Anyway, this call knocked our socks off.  I am amazed and astounded and let's just say that some worries have been alleviated.  I still have cancer, but that fact is certainly easier to deal with when you know you can take care of the day-to-day things.

And maybe have my car be legal when I'm released to drive.  That'd be cool.

A Disappointing Day

Yesterday was the follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon.  I kind of expected to get one drain removed, although I knew that the other one would be staying.  The output has to be less than 30cc in 24 hours, and I have one that will do 30 cc in one draining.  The other, however, has been hovering right around that 30 cc area and I was pretty sure it would go.

So Dad offered to take me to Independence to meet Kevin, saving him 40 miles of driving to get me to this appointment.  He picked me up, stopped by Sonic for me (he's a good Daddy like that) and we met up with Kevin.  As I got out of Dad's car and into Kevin's truck, the air hit me (it was very blustery yesterday) and I thought, "Why does my side feel wet?"

We got all of my stuff transferred to the truck and Dad took off.  I asked Kevin to please look at my side as I raised up my jacket as high as my limited-motion arm will allow.  I was soaked from just under my armpit to the waistband of my jeans.  WTH????  I haven't had any issue like this since surgery.

So here we are in Independence, headed to Leawood, KS, and I'm soaked.  Kevin had requested that I bring his tennis shoes to him, and I had grabbed a T shirt, too, since he gets so dirty at work.  He had remembered a shirt, so I had a spare T shirt, although it was quite big.  The other problem was the bra being soaked, and not having an ace bandage (my typical undergarment lately) with me.

We find a CVS, and bought gauze and could NOT find a normal ACE bandage.  It's a PHARMACY for goodness sake!  The closest they had was the kind that sticks to itself.  It wasn't ideal, but it would work to get us there.  We paid and then went together into the ladies' room for him to wrap me to the best of his ability.  Have I mentioned Kevin's willingness to do whatever it takes?

So much for stopping for a nice dinner somewhere, since I was now in an ace bandage, well, you don't want to be seen that way for MANY reasons.  Not just the imbalance.  The drains have to go somewhere and, well, it was going to be a drive-through for dinner.  Period.  That resulted in us arriving at the plastic surgeon's office nearly two hours early.  Kevin saw our (amazingly wonderful) nurse, Terri, and explained the situation to her.  She got us back into a room super-fast, cut the stupid ACE thing off me and got me into a gown.  From there on, I didn't mind waiting.

When it was our turn, Terri showed me how to "strip" the drains, and one of them needed it, which was the reason for the small amount on the last log entry for that one.  Turns out, even the other (slower) one wasn't coming out yesterday.  I got sent home with both.  I wanted to cry.

Everything else was great news.  He (the surgeon) said that everything looked awesome and I was healing very well and he had no concerns.  He answered any questions that I had and said that drain one would probably come out on Monday.  We'll see.  LOL  Drain two will be a bit longer.  As aggravating as it is to have them, removing them too early can be catastrophic, and I understand that.  I just wanted to cry.

So we got in the truck, I took my overdue medication, and cried until falling asleep.  Poor Kevin.  LOL  We came home and I wanted to be alone, so I decided to try sleeping in my bed.  BAD choice.  I woke up this morning hurting quite a bit.  Getting a shower and a re-wrap helped a lot, but it's back to the recliner for me. I think it'll be a while before I can comfortably sleep in bed again.

The bottom line is:  I'm healing well.  I need to get over myself when there are little setbacks, and I need to be more thankful for my friends who care.  I also need to travel with spare clothing, but that's another issue all together.

Bleah

Appointment didn't go horribly, but didn't go as I wanted, either.  I shall pout for the remainder of the night and explain more tomorrow. I am a champion pouter. Just ask my mom.

Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow afternoon is the follow-up with the plastic surgeon.  One drain will come out, the satan drain will not.  There is still just too much drainage.  It's depressing, but not surprising.  It'll probably be the middle of next week and she'll tell me to come back in, and then I'll need to get Dad to take me all the way to Leawood, KS.  Sheesh.  I'm trying not to be depressed by it, but I'm failing a bit right now.

The other things I'm experiencing are normal, I'm quite sure, but I'll ask anyway.  The outside of my left arm and my armpit feels like they have a bad sunburn.  I'm sure it's because of nerves that were cut and damaged during surgery, but I'll ask.

I also want to drive.  I know I can't drive with drains in, but as soon as they're out, I want to drive.  I'll stop pain pills cold turkey if I have to.  I can't be this dependent.  It's making me crazy.  I guess I'm just in a fowl mood about satan drain.  I'll get over it.  The timing will work out for a meal out before the appointment.  That should help, right?

The Satan Drain Saga Continues

I messed with that drain for a while.  It was clogged.  30cc last night and 20cc this morning.   There is no way it's coming out tomorrow afternoon.

Damn.

The Satan Drain

I had a rough day.  I was very tired (probably did too much yesterday) although I slept fine last night.  I felt weepy and was  just generally a bit "off."  I also realized I hadn't used my ice pack in 48 hours or so, so I filled it up, put my phone on silent, and went to lie down for "just a bit."

I woke up 3 hours later.  I felt a little bit better, and could tell the swelling was down, but the mood was kinda crappy.  After all, while drain one could be removed any time, drain two hates my guts and has been putting out over 80cc per day.  It has to be under 30 to be removed, and I have an appointment to evaluate this on Friday.  That will put a person in a crappy mood.

As I sat here in full-on whine mode, the UPS guy came by.  Cookies by Design?  Yes please!  It was a very sweet gesture by my employers.  That cheered me up a bit, and then mom and dad brought over the most amazing dinner ever.  There was meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, crock pot macaroni and cheese, and bread pudding.  Yowza.  There is even enough for leftovers tomorrow.  I was able to quit being teary-eyed for a bit.  (food always does that to me.  LOL)

And then, it was time to drain.  I was nearly in tears on the way in.  It's nothing for drain 2 to be 20, 30, 40 or even 50cc.  What was it this time?  2.  TWO!!!  I haven't even seen a 10 from that evil drain yet, and it's a TWO?

Dear Lord, don't let this be a fluke.  I checked, and there were no kinks or twists or problems with the drain tubes.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but if this trend continues, I could get rid of BOTH drains on Friday afternoon.  I'm REALLY  trying not to get my hopes up.  With good reason.  Does THIS make sense to you:

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and I'll just roll with whatever it is.  It sure would be nice to get rid of these dang things, so I could go out into public without feeling gross.  Driving would be cool, too.

Baby steps.

TMI Alert! TMI Alert! Disturbing Pictures!

There.  Nobody can say that they stumbled upon pictures they weren't expecting.  I'm going to show where the drain tubes exit my body, where my portacath is placed for future chemo, and even the  tissue where there used to be a breast.

I'm a very modest person, and would have NEVER thought I could post that, but it no longer resembles a breast to me because it is missing a couple of key components that make it so.  When this happened to me, I scoured the internet for images and videos and information.  Maybe this is one more place that will give honest information.

This is your last chance.  If you have a weak stomach, or it bothers you to go to work with me after seeing this, just click here now and don't look back.

We'll start mild.  This is my portacath.  It's still under a large, square, clear bandage, so it'll look a lot better in a week or so when that is gone.

They will use this to administer chemotherapy.  If you do repeated IV treatments, it is VERY hard on veins, especially something as aggressive as chemo.  The port goes into a very large vein, which helps the body absorb the medication more quickly.

The next image is the JP drains exiting from my side.  They drain after-surgery fluids away from the site to prevent complications.  When the amount gets below a certain number of CCs, the drain can be removed.

These are stitched in in case you're clumsy.  (I've dropped the drain bulb more than once.)  There is a bulb at the end of each drain tube.  I have to empty them 3-4 times per day and measure the output.  Drain one is playing nicely and could come out.  Drain two hates me.  It has output 80cc today, and we still have one more check.  Drain one has put out 17cc.  Sheesh.  I'm hoping to lose them at my follow-up on Friday.  I'm not holding my breath about evil number two, though.

Finally the one you'll regret seeing.  This used to be a breast.  They maintained most of the skin, which will help when they remove the tissue expander and replace it with a permanent implant.  I had enough tissue there that they partially filled the tissue expander (which is under the muscle and causing 90% of my pain.)  That is why there is a bit of mound there, instead of being flat against my chest wall.

Yes, gross.  I get it.  The loose skin will not remain loose as they fill the expander a bit at a time at a rate that my muscle wall can handle.  If NOTHING delays it, we should be done by August.  At that point, we make the other one the same size/shape/placement as the new one, and then we make the new one more "real."  Yes, they'll add the nipple and areola.  TMI?  I warned you.  How do they add these things, you ask?  Tattoo.  That's right.  Tattoo.

As things start looking closer to normal, you'll probably never see any of this again.  At some point, my sense of modesty will return.  Fortunately, until then, I have a prosthesis.  Oh, and I can change the size of it as needed.  Cool, huh?  Maybe that's another blog entry for another day.

Still Healing

I slept all night again, not waking up until Kevin did at 4:15.  One drain could technically come out, but I'll have the second until at least Friday, and I can't see driving to Leawood twice just go get rid of an aggravation a couple of days early.

Showering is coming easier to me, and no longer takes me 40 minutes to complete.  I'm almost like a normal person.  The drains are a pain, but I'm getting better at dealing with those, too.  The worst thing was when I realized that, when they swap the tissue expander for the actual implant, I'll have 1 or 2 drains AGAIN!   ARRGGGG!

Everything is a process, and these pains are just the annoying parts.  People are fixing dinner for us left and right, I'm able to do dishes, and Kevin is keeping up with the laundry, letting me avoid stairs.  We're getting along just fine.  I am down to just one spot that hurts pretty bad most of the time.  I think it's a combo of the bottom of the tissue expander and one of the drain tubes.

Maybe I'll slap some TMI pictures up here later.  Then we'll take bets on how many people faint.  :)

My First Day "Alone"

Kevin's off to work and the girls are off to school.  I'm sure I'm fine, as I spent most of the weekend doing as much as possible without help, so I'd know what to try and what to NOT try.  I have my nest set up here in the recliner with my coffee, pitcher of water, remote controls, medication, eye drops, computer and other electronics, and mints.  If my bladder had on "off" switch, I wouldn't need to move all day.  That probably wouldn't be the best for my recuperation, though.  I should probably move around a bit, huh?

Anyway, I was nervous about being here alone all day, until I realized that I wasn't home alone after all.  Every time I look down, I see my caretakers:

They are worried about me and won't get more than a couple of feet from me at any one time.  Thanks, Boys.

Sunday Morning

I am supposed to have my head elevated 30° while in bed, and the drains come out the left side (my preferred side to sleep on) and I was struggling to find a position conducive to both healing and sleep.  Yesterday afternoon, Kevin suggested that I sleep in the recliner.  I've taken many weekend naps there, so I know it was possible and said I'd give it a try.

This also put Kevin in our bed, instead of the guest bed, and it put his mom Linda in the guest bed, instead of on the couch.   I slept amazingly well.  I woke up for a restroom trip around 2, but went right back to sleep with no problems, discomfort, or medication.

This morning I took the prescribed medication and passed out for a couple of hours.  I think it's time to try cutting the Percoset  in half again.  LOL  A coma was NOT the plan.  After I woke up, Grammy (Linda) made a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant. I have to say that the service in this establishment is ★★★★★.  I highly recommend it if you find yourself in town post-mastectomy.

I'm ready to settle in and watch the NASCAR festivities, knowing that many of my friends are right there at Kansas Speedway.  I'll see if I can spot them.  If not, maybe I'll lie and say I did.  :)

Ups and Downs and a Lot of Love

The amount of love my family and I have felt throughout all of this cancer nonsense is amazing.  From comments on here and on Facebook, to prayers being offered up from literally all over the country, to straight up cash.  My BFF Tammy had a garage sale today, taking donations on my behalf, and gave Kevin a chunk of the proceeds when he stopped by earlier this afternoon.  Before he got home, she called to let him know there was nearly $100 more.

What a blessing this is.  I have already wracked up more than 500 miles in visits to various doctors and many of the items I need for my post-op care are not covered on my Flex spending card through work (because they don't require a prescription) and the little things add up fast.  I am blown away that Tammy and Greg would go to all of this work, and that people who do not know me would donate items for us.  I don't know what to say.

I tried to cut down to one pain pill for a couple of doses, and have regretted it each time.  I figured the Valium was the most important, since most of the pain is a result of the stretching muscle from the tissue expander.  However, those times where I've cut the pain meds in half have left me in tears.  We'll give it the rest of the weekend before we do THAT again.

Kevin's mom is here and helping a great deal.  She takes some worries and chores off me AND Kevin. It's nice to have another resource.  I think she's headed home tomorrow, and Kevin is heading back to work on Monday.  That gives me today and tomorrow to figure out what I can and cannot do by myself.

I was hoping to be able to shower alone, but there are some things that need done around the drain tubes that I cannot reach (sorry for the TMI) so I'll be waiting for him to come home. If I get very desperate for a shower, I'll call and ask Mom to come.  I've pretty much lost all modesty over the past few days.

Got a question?  I'll answer.  Wanna see a picture of something?  I'll email you.  I'm not even kidding.  I've shown a few.  It's pretty amazing stuff, really.  Gross to think about, but amazing as far as how things work.  I cannot WAIT to gain my independence back, but I may as well educate folks about cancer treatment in the mean time, right?

LOL  Can you tell I'm feeling good right now?  That was a long entry!

And the Hits Just Keep on Coming

The ride home yesterday was a bitch.  There is no other way to say it.  Every little bump was a new lesson in pain.  Finally at home, I got comfy in my own bed, got drugged up, and settled in as much as possible.  Although I was never completely comfortable (and didn't expect to be,) I got 8 hours of sleep with only one wake-up for a bathroom break and medication.  That is tons better than I slept at the hospital.

Today, Kevin's mom came up and walked in the door with my favorite Sonic drink.  Win!  After that came a much needed shower.  I love my husband but consider myself very independent, so this was a humiliating and painful experience.  When it was over, though, I felt so much better.

As I started to drift off in the recliner, my phone rang and Kevin answered since I wasn't coherent.  It was the surgeon.  And it was what I was afraid of.

Of the 10 nodes that they removed, 3 contained cancer cells.  Chemo will be coming.  On May third, when I follow up with my oncologist, we'll talk about radiation.  DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.  This is not what I had in mind.  Just in case you wondered.  Not what I had in mind at all.  I think I'll go pout, now.

She's Alive!

Yup, I lived through it. I won't lie...it was the worst overnight of my life, but this morning is looking brighter so far. My IV monitor beeped nonstop if I moved, I couldn't get enough to drink no matter what, and I now know what a 10 feels like on the old pain scale.

Today, though, I got up for the second time and the pain may have hit 7 or 8, but was back down to the 3-4 range as soon as I was back in bed. THAT, I can handle. The adjustment to my meds must have worked.

As much as I complain about fasting, I still don't feel like eating, but they make me eat a saltine with the Percocet. I think I'll probably want to eat at some point today. I also think I want to go home. I'm kinda scared to, but I want to. Survivor is recorded on my DVR, you know. Lol.

Today's the Day

I'm showered and ready to go two hours before we need to leave, but I didn't sleep very well anyway, so I figured it best to quit fighting it and just get up.

The girls are going to school, since it'll be after 4 before I'm out of recovery, anyway.  After school, they'll go to Mom and Dad's and the four of them will head up to see me.  The girls are freaked out, but we all are.  Maybe school will be a distraction for them, if nothing else.

We are to be there to check in at 8:30.  I don't want Kevin to have to make a ton of updates, so the plan is for him to tell my Mom, my workmate Michelle, anyone in his family that he feels like calling, and update Facebook.  The Facebook think will cover it pretty well.  Most everyone is on there.  If he writes it on my wall, anyone who hasn't blocked him should be able to see it.

I sure wish I could put on deodorant.

Another Day, Another Test

Today is the day that I go in for my echo cardiogram.  It won't take nearly as long as the PET scan, I think.  They're also supposed to draw some pre-op blood while I'm there, so I don't have to drive to the other hospital.  I just don't fully understand where they are going to do that, so I'll be asking questions a lot.  Nothing new there.

Mom is going with me today.  That is going to help a lot.  I think yesterday would have been easier with the distraction of someone to talk to.  It's also happy hour at Sonic ALL DAY!  I see a lot of diet cherry Coke in my future.

Tomorrow is the big day.  I wonder if I could get the anesthesia people to just go ahead and knock me out tonight?  It would save the trouble of me wringing my hands in the morning.

Weird Schedule

When I get real freaked out, I go to my room.  I try to avoid breakdowns in front of the girls, and I shield Kevin from it as much as I can, although he still gets the brunt of it.  Yesterday, I felt myself getting wiggy, so I just gave up and went to bed.  It was before 5.  LOL

I woke up at 11:30 and thought, "Oh great.  Now I'll be up the rest of the night!"  Then I remembered the "no food or drink after midning" rule and decided to eat a VERY late dinner of a frozen burrito.  That worked out just fine.  Then I spent 2 hours getting various electronic devices to sync so that my music, email, calendar, etc can be accessed from anywhere.  About 10 minutes after that, all aforementioned electronic devices started informing me of my PET scan this morning.

OK, maybe all of that syncing was overkill, but I will NOT be forgetting an appointment any time soon.  This is the first appointment that I'll be attending by myself.  I borrowed Dad's GPS to get me there, and I'm allowing  a bit of extra time to wander around the hospital, asking where I should be.

Tomorrow's echo cardiogram is in a building that we've been to a couple of times, so that one won't be as stressful.  Now I just have to waste two more hours and I can wake the girls and get ready to hit the road.  Two hours.  Hmmm.  Neopets games, here I come!

Tests, Tests, and More Tests

OK, back to the cancer chronicles.  I have the PET scan on Monday.  I have to leave home by 6, since I must check in at 7:30.  sheesh.  It's supposed to be a day off!  Tuesday is the Echo, and I have to be there at 8.  Fine.  Whatever.  I'll drive to the hospital three days in a row.  LOL  St Luke's on the Plaza on Monday and  Tuesday, St. Luke's South on Wednesday for the surgery.

Several people have asked if they could come see me in the hospital.  Not only am I a private type person who might feel weird about that, I'm only going to be there for one night.  No need, folks.  Hit me up via text, skype, Facebook, email, etc etc.  I'll answer.

Tomorrow, several friends are going with me to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner.  It's the official "Here, do my job for a few weeks" party.  Sorry, guys.

Crabby? Party of One?

Yeah.  I'm done.  Screw this day.

Goodbye, Tuesday.  You suck.  The tribe has spoken.  You've been voted off the week.  See ya.  You didn't even make the jury this season.

Getting Organized and Easter Eggs

I went to bed at  7 last night.  I know, I know.  But I was TIRED!  Of course, this means I woke up at 12:30, so today is going to be screwed up.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll nap later.  I took advantage of the quiet hours to myself, though, to tidy up some cancer files.

I've really been taking advantage of Google's calendar functionality, as well as the spreadsheet feature.  I'm keeping track of appointments (with reminders that go straight to my phone,) mileage, co-pays, etc.  It's going to be an expensive year, and I plan to recoup some at tax time if possible.  I have to be careful, though, because some is paid with my flex account through work, which is pre-tax money, so that is not deductible.  It just takes a lot of organization.

My mom mentioned that she missed coloring Easter eggs, so I made a couple of calls and we dropped by her house yesterday afternoon.  I even sent a message to several of our mutual Facebook friends to ask them to bomb her page with pictures of Easter eggs.  LOL  Today, I'll go get the eggs from her house and make deviled eggs for our dinner.

Time for a Freak Out?

Nah.  Not really.  I'm having my moments, but I'm getting by just fine.  I did decide that next Friday is my last day at work, pre-op. I am taking the Monday and Tuesday before surgery to take care of some things, and make sure that I avoid the she-has-surgery-tomorrow-pity-face.

It's one foot in front of the other for a week and a half.  I wish I could fast forward.  No...I wish I could rewind.  No...I wish I could pause.  No...I wish I could....never mind.

A bestie sent this to me today, and it made me smile, because it's true.  Part of the time.

Sorry for the F Bomb, Mom.  Maybe you shouldn't link to this one.  I am supposed to read an 8 page document about possible side-effects/difficulties.  I couldn't make it through.  I made Kevin finish my homework.  He has to do what I say.  I have cancer.

The Date is Set

I have surgery in 2 weeks.  April 18.  I don't feel like giving details now, because I'm exhausted. We're making plans with the kids and such.  However, it's not bad news.  I'm thrilled and things are still good.  I will try to post tomorrow.  2 weeks.  This is AWESOME news.  I'm not delaying bad news.  I just need some sleep.  The outlook is amazing.

Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I don't have PDAS with this appointment, and I think I know why:  This doctor isn't going to give me any bad news.  When I saw the surgeon, I didn't know what to expect.  When I saw the oncologist, I didn't know what to expect.  This is the plastic surgeon.  He's going to fix what the other one does.

Sweet!  I can go to work before my appointment, and return to work after the appointment, and I will have NO symptoms of PDAS.  No sick stomach, no shaking legs, no shortness of breath, and no rapid heartbeat.  I'm not dreading this appointment at all.  I'm just waiting to find out what's next.  Let's get this party started.

Stupid Monday

It is NOT right that I would hope for surgery soon, just to get some time off.  This day was chock full of suck.  Everyone was mad, everyone was accusatory, everyone had a chip on his/her shoulder.  I fixed what I could, apologized for the things I couldn't fix, and moved on.

Oh, and I haven't had a smoke since Thursday evening.  Yeah.  I know.  Maybe that's why I'm crabby, but point it out or tell me how good it is for me, and I'll cut you deep.

Really?  Smoking is bad?  It smells bad?  It's expensive?  It's a health hazard?  Wow.  I had NO idea!

Sorry.  I'm crabby.  Stop being stupid, stop pitying me, stop lecturing me, stop ordering stuff you don't want, and stop being SO happy that I quit smoking.

Just quit it.