Online Relationships

I have a lot of support from my family, coworkers and friends.  Still, when I found some breast cancer message boards while doing research (right after diagnosis,) I started growing close to the members there.  I'd never met them, and will likely never get the chance to meet most of them, but there was something I needed there.  These people were going through the EXACT same thing that I was going through.

They would ask questions that I had in my mind but hadn't verbalized.  They would answer my questions with the hours and hours of research they had done before me.  They would lift me up when I was down and just listen when that was what I needed.  I got to "know" them.  I grew to love them.

Someone in that group decided to start a group on Facebook.  That group grew even closer.  They understand the parts of this that nobody else could understand, unless they'd been through it.  We share pictures of scars and of newly growing eyebrows.  We share stories of wigs and prosthetic breasts.  We laugh, we cry, and we make inappropriate jokes.

Yup.  This is a new group of friends that mean the world to me.  I love them all, and I'm thankful for the internet for bringing them into my life.  I've had a rough couple of days lately, and spending a lazy 3 hours online "visiting" with them this morning just makes me smile.  Thanks, girls!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I had a great/terrible day.  My friends made it awesome, but work was really hard.  I can handle hard work, but today was different.  Maybe because I'm 36 hours from knowing all the details of the cancer?  I was just a bit teary all day.

I didn't break down, and I didn't cry.  I'm still OK.  I just keep building my list of questions for the surgeon, and keep on keepin' on.  I know life goes on, and I'm thankful that life goes on.  I'm thankful that I'm still super-busy at work.  However, there are short moments during the day that I wish I could shut down for 3 minutes, cry, and then move on.

I won't, and I'm fine.  I just had a day.  I think the biggest problem was, "Happy Birthday!  You have Cancer!"  That's probably it.  I don't know, but I'm guessing.

I need to get Thursday's appointment over with, so I know what we're up against.  After Thursday morning, I'll be fine.  That's the plan.  Fine.