Awake. Again.

This morning I will go get blood drawn to see if my counts are back to normal.  I went to work yesterday, acting like I suffer from  mysophobia and avoiding direct contact with everyone.  I hope I'm back in normal range or I'll be cancelling my plastic surgeon appointment and likely postponing chemo this week.

I feel OK, although very tired.  That makes me wonder if I'm still low.  The other troubling fact is that a lot of side effects that we'd gotten rid of have returned.  I've had a headache every day for a week, I cannot sleep through the night (with OR without medication,) and I'm moody as all get-out.  We've also now added night sweats to the mix, so I'm a real bundle of fun.

I woke this morning at 1:45 and tried for 45 minutes to go back to sleep.  I finally gave up, ate a bowl of cereal, showered, and paid some bills.  Even if my blood counts are back to normal, I don't see me making it 8 hours at work today.  I hate to be negative, but since I'll be leaving for 2 hours for my appointment, I'd have to stay until 3:30 or so, and I'm not sure how well that will mix with waking so early.

I do have enough built-in paranoia from the last Dr visit that I'm packing a small bag.  LOL  Poor Kevin had to log about 150 miles last Tuesday because I was admitted into the hospital with nothing other than what I had on.  I am sure they won't admit me this time, even if my counts are low, because I don't have a fever or any other symptoms.  If for some reason they do, however, my glasses, contact case, and phone charger will be in the car.

OK, 4:00.  That means Kevin will be waking soon and I can quit being so quiet.  I'm ready for work, so I only have to kill another half hour before leaving.  Phew.  It's already been a long day.

Home

They released me on Friday morning, and Kevin came to get me and bring me home.  The only thing that really concerns me is that I have NO idea if my whites are still climbing.  I just have to assume that they are.  I am pretty much on lock-down for the weekend, avoiding public places and close contact.

Monday morning, I'll go back to work, still avoiding close contact until Tuesday's blood work gets drawn.  I had accrued 28 hours of vacation time toward next year, and that will cover most of the 4 days I missed while in the hospital.  I'm thankful that those were available, but a bit scared to have my safety net gone.  This simply cannot happen again.  No problem.

The worst part so far is that it seems that all of the side effects from early on are back.  I have a nearly constant headache, I can't sleep, and I'm emotional as hell.  I had a really bad headache last night, so I took what felt like enough pills to drop an elephant, and was back up at 1:30.  *sigh*  I had been sleeping fine for a couple of weeks (without pills) before this setback.

Basically, I think the quarantine has afforded me too much time to think.  When I go to work tomorrow, I'll be busy, and that will help.  My blood work is set for 3 in the afternoon on  Tuesday, but I may see if I can go early so I can wait for the results.  If my whites aren't back in the normal range of 4.0 - 11.0, I have to cancel my plastic surgeon's appointment and my chemo on Thursday will likely be postponed.

I would think, after over a week on antibiotics, my counts will be fine.  However, I would have thought they'd climb higher than .7 after 4 days on IV antibiotics.  They were .6 on Tuesday .5 on Wednesday, .43 on Thursday, and .7 on Friday.  They can't tell if that was a "trend" toward upward numbers, or just a fluctuation.  They let me come home, though, because there was nothing they were doing there that I cannot do at home.

I'm home.  I figured the "I'm home" post would be happy and fun.  Call it lack of sleep, the headache, or the whiny state I'm in, but I missed that goal by a long shot.  My feelings are hurt by the slightest little thing, I'm exhausted, but need to expend energy in order to get more sleep.  For the first time in my life, I'm in the middle of a weekend that seems to be going on too long.  Sorry, my working friends.  I know that comes as a betrayal to you all.  I promise to be crabby about Monday like the rest of you.

The Headache and the Sleeplessness

The headache persists, but I conquered the other monster last night.  I took an OTC sleep aid and went to my bed at 7:00.  I got as comfortable as possible (pillows under my knees, shoulders supported, etc) and listened to some guided imagery type meditation tracks that had been suggested to me by some other wonderful ladies going through this breast cancer maze with me.  You may want to check them out.  There are tracks for almost any condition/need, from allergies to weight loss.

I've never been "into" meditation, done yoga, etc, but I am willing to try anything to get rid of this headache, and to achieve a good night's sleep.  I listened to the headache track, which did seem to help.  If nothing else, it helps you relax.  All I know is this:  The combination of what I did last night caused me to conk out before 7:30 and sleep until 3!  WooHoo!

I'm not taking anything for the headache today.  It's not helping, other than taking the edge off, so I'm going to tough through it for a day or so and see what happens.  I plan to out-stubborn the dang thing.  I plan to concentrate on posture and breathing today, and avoid Tylenol unless it just gets so bad that I can't stand it.  I've conquered the food beast, the sleeping beast, and have only one beast left to tame.  That means I can throw all of my energy at slaying that one beast.

Wish me luck.  I'm going in!